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Single Parents
lauragetsfit
member
STB Single Mom -- Need Advice
lauragetsfit
member
So this has been one of the worst past few days of my life. My husband basically walked out on me on Saturday after sending me a text message that said he didn't want this lifestyle anymore -- wife, baby, dog. He then texted me on Sunday and gave me three options. He told me that 1. I could abort my 10 week old baby 2. Be a single divorced mom and have him pay child support or 3. Let him sign over parental rights. My husband is a sick man and abusive physically, verbally, and emotionally. I feel like I'm pushing to just have him sign the parental rights. I'd almost rather raise my baby without him, without having to deal with him being drunk and abusive during visitations. My question: I've never been a single mom before. What are my options? I live in California in the Bay Area. Are there any funding programs for single mothers? I feel like I don't even want to try for child support, but I'm going to need all of the help that I can. Does any other single mom out there have some advice for me? Anything is appreciated. Thanks 
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Re: STB Single Mom -- Need Advice
Every state law is different -- some won't let you file until after you've had your baby...others you can file and get divorced before your baby is even born. They're all different.
As far as "signing off his rights"...he can't do that. As others on here have said, if that was an option there would be thousands of children with only one parent. In some states, parental rights can be terminated after a certain length of time with an uninvolved parents, but that situation is rare. If you're unmarried at the time of your LO's birth, you can not put his name on the birth certificate and you would have full legal/physical custody by default...until your X took it upon himself to file for custody/visitation with the courts. Stay strong and do not let your STBXH manipulate you. From what you said, it sounds like he's a twisted individual. Keep your strength and focus on what is right for you and your LO. ((hugs))...we're here for you!
So even though he is legally obligated as the father to pay child support, you want the taxpayers to have to pay to support the both of you because dealing with him over visitation that he may not even want could possibly cause you a headache in the future?
Or maybe I am reading this wrong. Please correct me.
http://oi62.tinypic.com/2w73hq9.jpg
As stated in PP, you can't just have him "sign away" his rights. It just doesn't work that way. Especially since you are married while pregnant. Some states don't even allow you to divorce while pregnant and therefore the Husband is the assumed father.
Child Support and Visitation are 2 different things and they are not connected you can have CS and no visitation.
2. Just b/c he was abusive to you doesn't mean he will be abusive to the child...FYI this is how the courts see it. b/c you are married he will automatically get 50/50 legal and custody doens't mean that he has to have the child living with him 50% of the time. Go to a lawyer and know your rights before you give them away
3. NO STATE PROGRAM WILL HELP YOU WITHOUT AN ORDER FOR CS. IT'S FOR THE CHILD NOT YOU.
The only advice I have is try to be around a good support system like friends and family. I'm pregnant and going through a divorce and in the beginning, I didn't think I had the strength to get through this, but I've done it so far and so will you. We separated when I was 2 months pregnant and he wanted me to get an abortion. I constantly remind myself that this moment in my life will pass and I just take one day at a time until then. I couldn't have done it without friends and family.