- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
May 2011 Moms
mizzmeg
member
Parenting without one of your parents-
mizzmeg
member
I know this may be a sensitive subject for some, but I was wondering if anyone else has had a parent pass away before meeting LO or even before that.
My dad passed away at 38 years old on August 11, 2009, for unknown reasons. DH had proposed July 3, 2009 so he knew I was getting married. I just don't know if it is normal to constantly wonder how my dad would have been with her or how much he would have loved her. All these thoughts constantly linger in my head. Maybe it just has to do with my PPD, but sometimes it's tough.
How do you cope? Do you find yourself upset still? If you don't mind me asking, how long has it been? This is still a new-ish topic for me.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Parenting without one of your parents-
Both of my parents are still alive, but I've had a tough time coping with the loss of my grandfather. He lived with my family for years and we were extremely close. He died of a heart attack (after having had several before) in his mid-60s in July of 2007, just when things with DH and me were beginning, so DH never got to meet him.
I really wish that DH could have gotten to know him since he was such a huge part of my life, and I especially wish that my Pop could have met his first great-granddaughter. There's obviously no easy answer or magical way to move past such a major life event, but I plan to do a lot of the things that he did with me with Violet and to tell her about him as she grows up.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.
DH met my dad very briefly once. Since my parents were divorced and he was military, he didn't have much time to come visit. He came valentines day 2009 and met him on the pier before he went out to sea.
I have pictures in the nursery of my dad so she will know who her grandpa is. I never want her to question if he would have loved her. My grandpa died 4 months before I was born. I have heard amazing things about him, but of course, the parent that passed away would be the parent that I would go to for support in something like this.
There isn't a day that's gone by that I haven't kicked myself for not taking a picture of them together that day.
It's harder for me to think that he will be missing out on my little brothers growing up and doing all kinds of amazing things, they were 12 and 14 when he passed. He will miss their first dates, proms, driver's tests, graduations, weddings, and them becoming fathers. It's been almost two years and it still catches me off guard sometimes.
I am ok right now. It'll hit me though, may not break down tomorrow but I will at some point this month. It's just this time of year. It sometimes sneaks up on me and then I feel worse for not remembering.
It is harder this year knowing how much he would love LO. I tell LO about him a lot. He was a really great guy, and I want LO to know all about him and know that I am who I am because of him. It's also a thing with me that LO knows that not all grandfathers are the same(meaning my dad was not like my FIL). I grew up with only one grandparent as my mom's mother, father, and sister were all killed by a drunk driver when she was in college, and my dad's my died of cancer when I was three. I remember my mom showing us old home videos and it was important to her that we know them, and it wasn't until I lost my dad that I understood that. I hope LO never has to endure this pain, but that can't happen, so I pray that his experience with it will be much later in life. Until then we have stories and I hope he knows them all.
Sorry for rambling. Typing this out has flooded me with too many emotions. Time eases the pain, but it nevers disappears.
Yes. I lost my mom and my step father in a car accident when I was 17. I miss them both terribly but I find myself almost physically aching for my mom. There are so many times I want to just talk to her about everything in my life. She never met DH, see me get married, my baby ect.
To be honest I have no words of advice because I'm struggling with this very bad as well. I just know I have to keep doing my best for my little girl because that's what she did for me.
I lost my father Sept 16, 2005. I think about him several times a day. Just the past few weeks, I cry a little while giving W his bedtime bottle in his room, thinking about my day (September is always a bad month for me). I want to start a tradtition this year, and I have been trying to think of something special we can do on Sept 16, every year. I was thinking a note & baloon to "heaven", but havent really planned anything yet. Sometimes I see LO stare off into space, specifically in his nursery, but it looks like he i svery clearly looking at or studying something. I believe (because I believe in this kind of stuff) that my dad is visiting us and W can see/sense him/his presense.
I am sure it will get easier as time goes on, but the "firsts" are always the hardest. The first anniv. of his death with LO, LO's first Christmas/birthday/tooth/step. You are missing one granddad to call.