Help with "etiquette" tacky or not?

jcorsaro · August 2011

Okay so I was preparing a save the date when i stumbled across "answers@yahoo" where many of the women said it was inappropriate to have more than 50 guests and that a save the date is tacky. My issue with that is this... First, my family is huge, and second, I live in another city, so coming home for multiple showers (dads side, moms side, friends AND the step-parents side) just isn't an easy thing to do. Is it really such a big deal that I have more than 50 ppl to invite??? At the same time, I can see how having that many can be overwhelming but I really don't have any other ideas. Any suggestions for an "out of town shower" are MUCH appreciated!!!

Liz4444 · August 2011

Who is hosting this shower? Have you discussed with them how many people they can afford to/want to host? That is the first thing you need to do before you start to worry about it.

Personally, I think a save the date for a shower is a little much... but, again, that is up to the host of the party to decide. My personal opinion is that anyone who is really important in your life enough to be there will know the date just through conversations you are having with them. If you aren't close enough to them that that is happening, then honestly, you aren't close enough to them to have them at your shower.

But again, you really need to have some discussions with the host first.

jcorsaro · August 2011

My two closest friends and my mom are hosting it... Sounds complicated I know, but this is my family. I had been told for 6 years I could not get pregnant so I guess everyone is beyond thrilled, while im sitting here utterly excited but completely overwhelmed

tonychelle · August 2011

I invited more than 50, but my mom/aunt are hosting and they added most of the "extra" people. I'm kind of in the same boat with a big family and all pretty close -- all of our family events like this are usually big, so I didn't feel it was that big of a deal.

Liz4444 · August 2011

jcorsaro:
My two closest friends and my mom are hosting it... Sounds complicated I know, but this is my family. I had been told for 6 years I could not get pregnant so I guess everyone is beyond thrilled, while im sitting here utterly excited but completely overwhelmed

I completely understand, but you still do need to talk to them about how many people they are prepared to host. If they are willing to host a party with that many people then it's fine.

EastCoastBride · August 2011

I don't like large showers but sometimes they are necessary as long as the hosts are ok with it. But a save the date for a shower is ridiculous no matter what.

Belichick · August 2011

How big is your guest list? As long as it's not a financial burden to your hostesses I think a large shower is fine.

I don't know that I would call 'save the date' tacky, just unnecessary. IMO, a shower is not a must attend event, if people happen to be busy the date of the shower that's ok. Beyond your mom & MIL, I wouldn't expect anyone else to reserve the day months in advance.

weddingbells2010 · August 2011

To me, 50 people is on the larger side but completely appropriate. A lot of showers I've been to have had around that many people (including mine). But as PP's already said, it's up to those who are hosting and what they can afford- ask them for a number and plan accordingly. Unfortunately some people may not be invited if they cannot accommodate that many people.

As far as a Save the Date, I think that is unnecessary.

PunkyBooster · August 2011

I would side eye a STD for a baby shower. Big time.

The guest count is really about what the hostess can afford. I've been to some HUGE showers and I have been to some very small showers.

lucisparents · August 2011

I've never heard of a save the date for a shower. But I'm from the south and we refuse to RSVP too, so what do I know? I would send invitations only, early enough that people can save the date for themselves and invite as many people as you want. I think several showers are tackier than one big one. Like my friend who said "Well, I having a bunch, but you can come to this one." biitch please!

rhubarb123 · August 2011

If your hostesses are fine with a large crowd then I wouldn't worry about it. I've hosted showers where 70 people were invited but only 50 (maybe less) came. Just because you invite that many there will be reasons people just can't make it...even with a "Save the Date". As for the Save the Dates...I think a postcard type thing is a bit overboard...but maybe just an email given them a "heads up" would be good. For those that don't "do" email...maybe a phone call or if your mom sees them she can mention the date. We do this all the time with our BBQ parties...just so people don't make other plans. It's a big party - we invite about 80 and 60 usually show up. I'm sure that number would be much less if we didn't send out a "warning" email. lol

jcorsaro · August 2011

Thanks guys! You have all been a big help

baby3ob · August 2011

50 people is not a lot (i'm from a big italian family, i know how it gets and how you have to be sure not to exclude people...) so i think you are ok here.

i would not send out save the dates for a shower, i think that's silly. if you are worried about it, have whoever is hosting your shower send maybe a heads-up email to those that are really close to you to let them know the date.

ContactDanielle · August 2011

My mom is sending out 80 tomorrow

mrsashkennedy · September 2011

50 seems just fine, but I would send invites out early instead of Save the Dates. maybe if your worried, word of mouth will let people know if they need to know early.

BMerry09 · September 2011

I am 25 and was told at 17 that chances of me getting prego and carrying a baby were slim to none... thankfully we havent had one real concnern yet except this baby makes me sick everyday! lol I am in the same boat.. huge fam, lots of friends and all are overjoyed for our little one to come.

reason00 · September 2011

50 people is fine for a shower. Especially if it's co-ed.

BUT...a save the date for a shower is a bit off. Usually a save the date is sent MONTHS in advance of the actual invitation.

Natalie3398 · September 2011

It's very tacky to send save the dates for baby showers. You can tell your hosts to send out the invites a bit early and make sure the RSVP date is early as well so they are well prepared.

I recently went to a baby shower and it was about 100 people but here's the thing. The grandmother rented out a auditorium and got a discount. The sister decorated and hosted games. The other sister made the cake. The other sister cooked and had like 5 people donate food towards the party. You have to be careful because though you may want 70 people it might not be affordable for your hosts.

My MIL and sisters are throwing my shower at a catering hall and its about $40 to $50 per person so I made sure I will limit my list to about 30 people because they said thats what they are comfy paying.

Good luck and let us know how it turns out!

NewFamily09 · September 2011

The only reason I could see for a "save the date" is if the GUESTS have to travel. But it sounds like you are the one traveling to the shower, so don't do a "save the date." The biggest drawback to having a big shower like that is that it's going to take FOREVER to open all those presents and everyone will get bored. I don't think it's rude, just boring. If you have a big shower, open the presents in stages.

cytheria · September 2011

over 50 does seem a bit much maybe consider spliting it to two showers if thats not possible just be prepared for a bit of an overwhelming day and have a large venue for the party btw congrates on the baby six yrs of hearing no and you proved them wrong!

wendyll64 · September 2011

I had 45 at mine.. I don't know how many were invited. It was overwhelming and I didn't get to talk to everybody, but it was pretty laid back and people enjoyed the party.