babywearing subculture- what is it?

glenrapids · September 2011

i started doing research on carriers and was surprised to find an entire world of passionate babywearers. there are entire forums and groups devoted to it and it's like they view themselves as a distinct mommy subculture. i can see the benefits of babywearing (mostly so that my arms are free) but i don't understand this whole subculture thing. i understand that some people think that strollers and other seating devices are viewed as separating baby and mom, but this whole babywearing world seems a bit much to me. like, why would i want to meet with a bunch of strangers who happen to use carriers, as opposed to, let's say, meeting with strangers who use bumbos?

can someone please explain to me?

Trumom76 · September 2011

This post made me lol! I completely agree, it is strange. We were at our town fair today and spent some time at a booth all about baby wearing and attachment parenting. It is a subculture phenomenon and people that are into it are passionate. I find it odd but it is kind of ironic that I would. We bed share with our 3 yo DD, I will baby-wear, and will co-sleep with LO until he is old enough to be in bed with us. We are getting a king sz bed delivered Tuesday. Thank God! I do it because that is just what has worked out for our family not because of some kind of cultural new age parenting. I will never join one of those attachment or baby wearing groups or push what we do on anyone. It is just what we do and what works for us. To be completely honest I don't share with anyone outside my close friends that we bed share. DD was in a bassinet until 4 mo, crib until 20 mo., and twin until about 24 mo all on her own by herself in her own room. It just so happened that when she potty trained it was easier to have her in bed with us so we were able to feel her wiggle around signaling her needing to pee. This way she did not wet the bed because we were there to get her to the potty. Then we just loved her being next to us and realized that we only have this closeness for a brief period in our lives/ her life. They grow up so fast. With LO I will wear because I have a toddler to tend to as well. I like the fact we can be at park wear LO in ergo carrier nurse while walking around keeping an eye on DD playing.

robynlynn83 · September 2011

I guess I have never looked at it that way. It's slightly funny when you do though. To me, it's just a bunch of people sharing an interest. Just like the cloth diapering community-my partner in our diaper store and I, we constantly go to events, fairs, etc and do cloth diapering education and sell our products. We often do events with everything from breastfeeding groups to a mom who does placenta encapsulation, namely anyone in the natural parenting realm as we all share interests and customers. I have always looked at these things as education-demonstrating the benefits of things like babywearing, cloth diapers, etc. But, I suppose, their is a sub culture. I have always found that I associate myself more with a naturalist subculture than anything else as I feel that the green movement, and with that, natural parenting, have become quite common as of late.

asyph107 · September 2011

glenrapids:

i started doing research on carriers and was surprised to find an entire world of passionate babywearers. there are entire forums and groups devoted to it and it's like they view themselves as a distinct mommy subculture. i can see the benefits of babywearing (mostly so that my arms are free) but i don't understand this whole subculture thing. i understand that some people think that strollers and other seating devices are viewed as separating baby and mom, but this whole babywearing world seems a bit much to me. like, why would i want to meet with a bunch of strangers who happen to use carriers, as opposed to, let's say, meeting with strangers who use bumbos?

can someone please explain to me?

Love this! Just because you share a tool for parenting in no way means that you share parenting values/ beliefs. I agree with your post too. I tried using a carrier with DS and he hated it. I attempted it as a way to have a free hand to do dishes, shop, etc. Didn't work for us. DS preferred the independence of the storller and swing, etc. There tend to be lots of childcare movements out there, my issues with all of them really is its awesome you choose to do something one way, and other people do too, as long as you aren't judgy of those who don't. Sometimes its not for the reasons people assume.

Bride2b2004 · September 2011

There are a lot of benefits to bw, in addition to arms free. It is very good for baby, especially in the early months. You can read all of that via google easily enough, so I won't go into it.

glenrapids:

like, why would i want to meet with a bunch of strangers who happen to use carriers, as opposed to, let's say, meeting with strangers who use bumbos?

can someone please explain to me?

I don't know what you would want to do, everyone is different. However, speaking generally, there are a lot of reasons why bws choose to meet. Here are some: First, there are a ton of different carriers (wraps, soft-structured carriers, mei-tais, slings, ect.), with many different fabrics (cotton, twill, linen, canvas, etc.), all have their pros and cons, and typically they are difficult or impossible to view in person (I have only been able to purchase online). Therefore, it is great to meet with other moms to see carriers they have, hear feedback and try them out in person. Secondly, bw isn't always intuitive and it is nice to see different carries in person, see how it is done and get support when you don't know if you are doing something wrong. Finally, some areas have a lot of bws and many areas don't, so if you don't find a group you might never see other bws in your area- and when you bw, people frequently stare or even make comments, it can be unnerving and support of others can help.

I bw, but I don't feel part of a "subculture"... really it's pretty simple- sometimes I use a stroller, sometimes I use a carrier (in the first few months LO is in a wrap A LOT) and I often use both. AP may be a parenting subculture and bw can go hand in hand, but not necessarily (some AP parents do not bw, some non-AP parents do bw). But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Julia_JJ · September 2011

It makes me think of Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in "Away We Go" when she freaks out about the stroller.

To me, it's just one more personal parenting choice. And like any of those choices - whether it's circumcision, or breastfeeding, or diapering, or daycare, or whatever - I have little tolerance to people espouse a lifestyle to the point where they're disparaging others.

lanie30 · September 2011

But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.

NYGirl02 · September 2011

Julia_JJ:
It makes me think of Maggie Gyllenhaal's character in "Away We Go" when she freaks out about the stroller.
To me, it's just one more personal parenting choice. And like any of those choices - whether it's circumcision, or breastfeeding, or diapering, or daycare, or whatever - I have little tolerance to people espouse a lifestyle to the point where they're disparaging others.

I really loved this movie, but as I learned more about AP, I realized that no one that I know who practices AP is quite like this. It's definitely a very funny, over done caricature. AP is a parenting style in which you are building a bond with your child in the hopes that your child will be secure, joyful, and empathic. I am interested in this style of parenting because those are values which I hold near and dear to my heart. I went to an AP meeting this weekend and found them to be the least judgemental, and very accepting group of people. I love social networking and am very happy when I go to things like this when I am interested. I went to a bwing workshop to learn more about it (like PP, theres a lot of options out there and its a good way to learn about them), have gone to a CD workshop again to learn about them, and a working without weaning workshop.....some of which were run by the same people that do these API meetings. These things are certainly not necessary, I went to them because of interest and its something I like to do. AP is not a rigid checklist of parenting do's and dont's but rather a state of mind.

I went into this meeting and the first thing they wanted me to know is that there aren't a lot of hard and fast rules....yes they support breastfeeding, but they want you to feed with love and respect and if breastfeeding doesn't work out....that's ok. Yes, many AP parents babywear, but they want you to practice nurturing touch....babywearing is one way to do that if you want to. Yes, many AP parents cosleep and/or bedshare...but it's not necessary, the family should sleep where every one in the house is most comfortable.

As I researched, I found that like many others I had a lot of misconceptions about AP. I thought that the fact that I don't want to cosleep, that I want an epidural, and I don't want to breastfeed my toddler made me very not AP and that AP was a hippie type of philosophy. I have found that though there are AP-ers who do all these things, I have not been the least bit judged for not wanting to do them.

Fletcha · September 2011

Hmmm. never thought of it saw some kind of secluded label thing, just a certain way people do things that might not be exactly the "norm" in our culture... so I guess in that sense it makes "them" "different". I've never wanted to see it that way, I think it's sad that there has to be any divisions as all, as long as you are doing what you think is best for your child/family/lifestyle and aren't harming your child, why be divided because it might be a little bit different than others?

I've never really been aware of the different parenting styles until I got on the internet... then I found out that certain types of things that make sense to me fall into certain categories. I guess I fall more on the Attachment Parenting "side" because I love the idea of carrying my baby and using less of the usual baby gear if I can avoid it (maybe just because I'm lazy) and am curious about baby-led weaning. I guess I fall more on the Natural "side" of things because I'm preparing for an unmediated birth, am going to give breastfeeding my 100% effort, am going to try cloth diapering and will probably co-sleep, if not safely bed-share for the first few months of my child's life.

I guess I just hate to sense the defensive undercurrent against these types of things... like just assuming that because it has a "label" and groups dedicated to it that it's some type of exclusive culture or something... it's just people with common interests.

Fletcha · September 2011

lanie30:
But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.

I'm really curious why you see baby wearing as an image thing... I've just never even considered that to be a reason to want to carry my baby around. In fact, I'm kind of afraid of negative feedback about it because it isn't what's "normal" in my region.

Not to mention it's kind of how humans have carried their babies long before the modern baby carrying contraptions were invented... so it's not really some new trend to look cool.

SHUVUU · September 2011

I come from a culture where baby wearing, natural birth, breast feeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping and homemade organic baby food is the norm. It bothers me that because it is not the norm here, doing so makes people label me as one of 'those' people. Or on the flip side when members of these subcultures become passionate to the point of being judgmental or feeling superior to those who don't. So yeah, I don't get the groups and when I do mention that I plan on doing one or the other, it's more of a statement not a lecture.

BFab11 · September 2011

Just like anywhere else, you're going to see a small number of people who take things to the extreme, judge others for NOT doing what they do, and who will be all around obnoxious or in your face about their choices. The vast majority of people who BW aren't like that, but the select few that are of ourselves get the most attention because they're bringing it to themselves.

I'm actually taking over as leader of our local BW group this month; I started because of the convenience, and grew to love it. Like PP said, there are a ton of different carriers and it's hard to know that you'll like something without trying it. In my area it's nearly impossible to find carriers in store, beyond the Moby (which is great, but only until LO is 15 lbs or so) or crotch-dangler ones that aren't necessarily good for you or LO. Also, especially with woven wraps, there are so many different ways to wear them it's good to try it out and get help from someone else. There are also safe and unsafe ways to use carriers, and I make sure to go over safety precautions at the beginning of meetings. You don't exactly need pointers on how to use a Bumbo.

While BWing might be associated with certain parenting groups, most of the women that are in my BWing group actually have very different views than me when it comes to discipline, education, vaccines, etc. That's fine and works for them, but it's just not how I do things in my house. I just tend to avoid discussing things like that because it doesn't matter to me what they do with their kids, and it's not necessarily everyone's business what I do with mine.

I keep a stroller and a wrap in my car at all times. It's not that one is "better" than te other, I just use them for different purposes and situations.

lanie30 · September 2011

Fletcha:
lanie30:

But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.

I'm really curious why you see baby wearing as an image thing... I've just never even considered that to be a reason to want to carry my baby around. In fact, I'm kind of afraid of negative feedback about it because it isn't what's "normal" in my region.

Not to mention it's kind of how humans have carried their babies long before the modern baby carrying contraptions were invented... so it's not really some new trend to look cool.

I think because there are 40 posts a day on AP about how they saw a crotch dangler, a wrap worth 500.00 or a stroller user or ZOMG! A woman at a fair with her baby in a wrap do you think I should call her to be my friend we have so much in common!!!! stuff. Its bizarro. It isn't just how you carry your child when you feel you can immediately identify someone's parenting skills by whether or not they use a bjorn. It crosses the line into status/fashion/trend when you have 9000 posts a day about how to tie a sling in a certain way and blogs about how to use wraps properly. It starts to sound like a purse of the month club. I don't believe that AP principles disappear after age 4. I just think it stops being an easily identifiable "image" at that point because its at that point when you really get tested as a parent, and all the boob feeding, wrapping, and stroller judging you did in your child's first year is not evident to their kindergarten teachers and you can't wear your kid like a badge.

How you carry your child is of no concern of mine but I agree with the OP that it has become a strange sort of identity for some women.

glenrapids · September 2011

this is all very helpful. it seems a bit odd that there is some kind of demarcation between AP-style and not. i plan to babywear + stroller and am familiar with the research that supports attachment theories, but i would feel weird joining any "cause", whether for or against. it seems arbitrary and petty. anyway, i'll be attending a babywearing class soon to help me guide my purchasing process.

dottymobo · September 2011

Certainly babywearing people often share other interests or philosophies, but I always thought babywearing groups were pretty utilitarian. Like PPs have said, a place to try out wraps and carriers that you may never be able to see, let alone try, in person otherwise and to get help using them if needed. It's really not some evil club that sits around talking about how women who use strollers don't love their children!

Some people just turn it into a hobby of sorts, like some people like buying more shoes than are totally necessary and read fashion blogs or go on the F&B board of the nest, or collect those god awful precious moments dolls, or want a purse to match outfits and occasions. Not for me, but whatever.

Bride2b2004 · September 2011

lanie30:
Fletcha:
lanie30:

But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.

I'm really curious why you see baby wearing as an image thing... I've just never even considered that to be a reason to want to carry my baby around. In fact, I'm kind of afraid of negative feedback about it because it isn't what's "normal" in my region.

Not to mention it's kind of how humans have carried their babies long before the modern baby carrying contraptions were invented... so it's not really some new trend to look cool.

I think because there are 40 posts a day on AP about how they saw a crotch dangler, a wrap worth 500.00 or a stroller user or ZOMG! A woman at a fair with her baby in a wrap do you think I should call her to be my friend we have so much in common!!!! stuff. Its bizarro. It isn't just how you carry your child when you feel you can immediately identify someone's parenting skills by whether or not they use a bjorn. It crosses the line into status/fashion/trend when you have 9000 posts a day about how to tie a sling in a certain way and blogs about how to use wraps properly. It starts to sound like a purse of the month club. I don't believe that AP principles disappear after age 4. I just think it stops being an easily identifiable "image" at that point because its at that point when you really get tested as a parent, and all the boob feeding, wrapping, and stroller judging you did in your child's first year is not evident to their kindergarten teachers and you can't wear your kid like a badge.

How you carry your child is of no concern of mine but I agree with the OP that it has become a strange sort of identity for some women.

I agree with Fletcha and (not quoted) what NYGirl02 said. Lanie, I don't really understand your rant, but you quoted me and I feel the need to respond to that part. Personally, I don't buy into AP subculture reference, I think we are all just parents making the best choices we can for our families- it seems you were disagreeing, but I don't see where you set forth an argument. AP has sort of become the reference for parents who are non-cio, bws, employ gentle discipline, co-sleep, blw, cd, etc., but not everyone who does any or all consider themselves AP and not everyone who considers themselves AP does all of that. IMO, there really is NO sub-culture because those issues are no longer issues ("disappear" in my post above) by school age, and we are all just back to being parents who are making the best choices we can with no specific issues attached to AP. Sure, we hope our children benefit for life from the decisions we make when they were little, and we all want to continue to build the strongest bond possible with our children, but that is being a parent, AP or not. And FWIW, DS1's kindergarten teacher (and other parents) will see my "badge" (which I assume is your interpretation of bw) because I will be wearing my LO at events, but I still don't know how that matters-- it doesn't change my approach to parenting DS1 or the fact that any differences I may have had with other parents, AP or non-AP, regarding bw, non-CIO, co-sleeping, etc. will have no impact at all on our similarities or differences as parents of kindergartners. That's how I see it. Totally not interested in your views on other board posts or whether you think people have too many or spend too much on wraps, but I am curious as to why you see AP as a life-long great divide (and anything less is just about image). Also curious if you are a parent of a school age child or merely hypothesizing.

lanie30 · September 2011

The OP was stating that its a sort of subculture. Here is one definition of a subculture: an ethnic, regional, economic, or social group exhibiting characteristic patterns of behavior sufficient to distinguish it from others within an embracing culture or society.

I am someone who agrees that we are all just parenting the way we feel is best. I don't believe parenting approaches need labels or warrant them in anyway, but AP seems to want to. AP has a label, AP has a definition, AP has a handbook, and AP has a costume.

I'm not sure where you found me say it was a "life long great divide" but I will tell you its a divide and most of that comes from a lack of mimicking "appropriate" club like rules.

Interestingly, even in this thread there are several "we's" and "us's" and those don't really exist when you think everyone is just doing the best they can as parents.

I have a 3.5 year old. I don't believe AP leaves you after the child turns 2. BUT, I find it exceptionally telling that when parents find themselves unable to recognize each other without CIO conversation, club or "wrap" identifiers lose their identity as APers at that point. If its all about infant parenting, then its a very limited parenting approach and the divide will disappear in nursery school.

I'm not interested in "AP" per se but in parenting trends/advice appearing in times of economic struggle.

robynlynn83 · September 2011

I find your comment about AP as an identity interesting. I guess I just don't find AP or BW or any of that as part of my "identity" as a person. It doesn't define my children, my friends, etc. I own a natural parenting store and I so rarely see this that this comment is odd to me. I don't consider myself part of a "subculture" just because I chose to wear my child (gasp, at 2.5 years old) and the like...I also keep a stroller in the car. This isn't a way to categorize parents. AP is a broad term. Some AP people extend breastfeeding, some cloth diaper, some cosleep, many vaccinate, it is, in no way, just an inclusive group...

I find the fact that you are put off by AP conversations about a great wrap as odd when most wouldn't bat an eye at someone and their OMG the best stroller ever post. It's all the same and who cares....

Babywearing is not new like PP said, it's been around far before the modern conveniences in terms of ways to transport children.

StrawberryAlarmClock · September 2011

Fletcha:
lanie30:
But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.
I'm really curious why you see baby wearing as an image thing... I've just never even considered that to be a reason to want to carry my baby around. In fact, I'm kind of afraid of negative feedback about it because it isn't what's "normal" in my region.
Not to mention it's kind of how humans have carried their babies long before the modern baby carrying contraptions were invented... so it's not really some new trend to look cool.

Why would I make a parenting choice to impress/shock/entertain/... a bunch of strangers?

lanie30 · September 2011

StrawberryAlarmClock:
Fletcha:
lanie30:
But many of the differences b/w AP and non-AP parents disappear as baby gets older and are pretty much gone by preschool or school age, so not sure it even that is really a subculture.

Riiiight about the time you realize that CIO or not, BW or not, Strollers/cloth diapers or not, amounts to a hill of beans when your children toss a tantrum at you in the grocery store over not being able to put the licorice in the shopping cart.

To me, if AP really "disappears" at 3-4 years of age, its an image thing. And BW is an image thing.
I'm really curious why you see baby wearing as an image thing... I've just never even considered that to be a reason to want to carry my baby around. In fact, I'm kind of afraid of negative feedback about it because it isn't what's "normal" in my region.
Not to mention it's kind of how humans have carried their babies long before the modern baby carrying contraptions were invented... so it's not really some new trend to look cool.
Why would I make a parenting choice to impress/shock/entertain/... a bunch of strangers?

I think a LOT of people do.

citychicks · September 2011

lanie30:

The OP was stating that its a sort of subculture. Here is one definition of a subculture: an ethnic, regional, economic, or social group exhibiting characteristic patterns of behavior sufficient to distinguish it from others within an embracing culture or society.

I am someone who agrees that we are all just parenting the way we feel is best. I don't believe parenting approaches need labels or warrant them in anyway, but AP seems to want to. AP has a label, AP has a definition, AP has a handbook, and AP has a costume.

I'm not sure where you found me say it was a "life long great divide" but I will tell you its a divide and most of that comes from a lack of mimicking "appropriate" club like rules.

Interestingly, even in this thread there are several "we's" and "us's" and those don't really exist when you think everyone is just doing the best they can as parents.

I have a 3.5 year old. I don't believe AP leaves you after the child turns 2. BUT, I find it exceptionally telling that when parents find themselves unable to recognize each other without CIO conversation, club or "wrap" identifiers lose their identity as APers at that point. If its all about infant parenting, then its a very limited parenting approach and the divide will disappear in nursery school.

I'm not interested in "AP" per se but in parenting trends/advice appearing in times of economic struggle.

kathrnn · September 2011

I think you guys are reading way too much into this.

People put terms to themselves to make it easier for people to understand who they are. Look at all the people who have political affiliations. They have bumper stickers, shirts, millions of websites, etc etc... strangers meet up and pretend to be friends because they are all "okay" with calling themselves a single noun.

Everything is pretty strange, if you think about it. ;-)

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