How much is your DH/SO going to see?

TheMrs.C2009 · September 2011

So my DH and I had originally decided that when I go into labor and am pushing that he will stay up by my head. I didn't really want DH to see my LO coming out. Yes he is my husband and yes he has seen all of me before, but this just feels like a different situation. And my DH agreed. He had talked to other dad's and they said that he would be better off staying by my head and not seeing LO coming out.

Well now, my DH has changed his mind and wants to see LO come out and watch the pushing. I am not sure how I feel about this.

Has anyone else had this discussion with their DH/SO? If so, what did you all decide on and why? Any advice/thoughts would be greatly appreciated. Sorry so long

BettyBookworm · September 2011

I will let my DH decide how much he wants to see below the waist. Honestly, I don't really care. I will be focused on birthing LO so whatever he wants to do as long as he is supporting us in the birth.

It is a personal decision, but if giving birth makes him think differently of you (sexually or otherwise) then you might have other issues. Its all part of the gig of being a wife/mother.

Good luck!

kagl04 · September 2011

My DH didn't want to see much of anything with my DD. However my OB insisted he see the head come out, and he even saw the episiotomy. Tongue Tied

I feel bad for him because he still talks about it in a not-so-good way. He is ok with blood and things, but he didn't want to as "that" much!! With that being said, he's not scarred and he's excited about DS's birth. He was just surprised by how much he actually saw. I would say whatever your DH wants to do is fine. You won't know the difference anyway. We joke a lot about what he saw and now it's really just kind of funny...

TheMrs.C2009 · September 2011

BettyBookworm:
I will let my DH decide how much he wants to see below the waist. Honestly, I don't really care. I will be focused on birthing LO so whatever he wants to do as long as he is supporting us in the birth.

It is a personal decision, but if giving birth makes him think differently of you (sexually or otherwise) then you might have other issues. Its all part of the gig of being a wife/mother.

Good luck!

I don't think it will make him think of me differently. I think it is great of him to want to see more, just not sure how I feel about it.

BettyBookworm · September 2011

TheMrs.C2009:
BettyBookworm:
I will let my DH decide how much he wants to see below the waist. Honestly, I don't really care. I will be focused on birthing LO so whatever he wants to do as long as he is supporting us in the birth.

It is a personal decision, but if giving birth makes him think differently of you (sexually or otherwise) then you might have other issues. Its all part of the gig of being a wife/mother.

Good luck!

I don't think it will make him think of me differently. I think it is great of him to want to see more, just not sure how I feel about it.

Think about it some more. You have some time to figure out how you feel about it, and you might not know until you go into labor. If he sees and it freaks you out, honestly there won't be a lot you can do it about it in the moment.

You'll figure it out. Don't worry!

PitaBread · September 2011

I'm using a birth center, where they encourage the father to really participate. DH wants to be the one to deliver her and as of now, that is the plan. The midwives said that in most cases either the father catches the baby or the mother catches her own baby, they are just there to make sure things are going ok. I'm totally fine with either.

MrandMrsAndrews · September 2011

Maybe this thought didn't even occur to me because DH is in the medical field (paramedic)....but with DS1, he watched everything. I pushed for close to 3 hours and he watched every bit of it. He has told me (and others) numerous times how crazy it was to watch DS' head sit there forever when he wouldn't come out!

Just asked DH - and he said watching DS come out was one of the most amazing things he has ever seen.

canterbearytails · September 2011

I'm also thinking I'd rather have DH stay by my head. I'm worried that it would have an effect on future intimacy if he saw LO coming out -- he's already refused to (cough cough) ejaculate inside this entire pregnancy because it makes him feel awkward. Having said that, if in the heat of the moment the doc invites him down south and he goes, I won't be arguing!

cfemiani · September 2011

Years ago (even before I was married), I was absolutely determined that my husband would never see what goes on down there during childbirth. However, now that I am actually married, with a baby on the way, I have changed my mind a bit. I told my DH I am fine with him seeing and doing what he would like during labor. I even gave him the go ahead to take whatever pictures he would like. With the caveat that all pictures will be shown to me first BEFORE he even tries to show them to any family members or friends. He was totally on board, and is very excited for the delivery. I figure, he's going to be in the room, why give him restrictions?

shannyn0 · September 2011

DH does not want to witness the LO coming out, and does not want to cut the umbilical cord. I have asked him many times and even tried to change his mind...but he is determined not to see anything. heh.

FrauElyse · September 2011

My DH ended up seeing me pushing because he had to help hold my leg and he also cut the cord and saw the placenta come out. He didn't watch my stitches though. We had never really talked about it, but everything happened so fast this past week that it just sort of happened. He said that since it was me, he was just fascinated at how amazing I was for pushing the baby out. I was worried it might make him wary of down there, but so far his comments have been quite the contrary. I think everything works out in the heat of the moment one way or the other.

cantalopes24 · September 2011

Like PP, MH has worked in the medical field, mostly ERs but he has seen a csection. He will probably look when baby comes out. He actually asked the birthing class instructor if he would be able to see around the sheet if I had to have a csection. I tried to tell him random horribly injured stranger =/=his wifes vag he loves so much but I honestly don't think it will really gross him out.

OUKap · September 2011

He doesn't want to see a lot. If he wants to see more, okay.

mabst196 · September 2011

If DH wanted to look and felt like he could handle not passing out, I'd be all for it. However, he's pretty squeamish and going to be my only support in the delivery room and I don't need him hitting the floor. He stayed up by my head with DD and I think he'll do the same with this one. It's not because I care what he'd think about me or my lady bits.

KrisM86 · September 2011

We've discussed it, but I'm leaving it up to SO. I think it's just fine if he wants to actually watch his daughter being born but just as fine if he'd rather stay right with me and hold my hand.

FWIW, everyone I've talked to who has watched their LO arrive says while you certainly see some unpleasant things, watching your child come out is the most amazing sight ever.

mattandbekah · September 2011

Matt will most likely be the person who 'catches' LO, so...everything. He saw it all with Jack, and while I thought he might have a hard time with it...he was SO excited...it actually was a huge encouragement to me. When he started to literally jump up and down because his baby was being born (and he had hair!) I was totally pumped and Jack was born in the next set of pushes.

karinothing · September 2011

I don't really care. I know that he doesn't want to catch the baby because he is too nervous. But if he wants to watch the baby come out that is fine. Although I do kind of like the idea of pushing with DH sitting behind me..where I can kind of use him for leverage...so if that happens he would be by my head.

LauriJean_2009 · September 2011

mabst196:
If DH wanted to look and felt like he could handle not passing out, I'd be all for it. However, he's pretty squeamish and going to be my only support in the delivery room and I don't need him hitting the floor. He stayed up by my head with DD and I think he'll do the same with this one. It's not because I care what he'd think about me or my lady bits.

Ditto. MH does not do well with blood or needles. He's totally sqeamish. He won't cut the cord and wants to see nothing but my eyes. LOL.

To each their own.

rubysue267 · September 2011

He really wants to be as involved as possible so he's probably going to be watching everything. If he wants to see the whole show, I'm not going to hold him back. He's not a big fan of blood though, so I did warn him about that, but I'm sure his adrenaline will be going and he'll be able to get over it.

mheape · September 2011

shannyn0:
DH does not want to witness the LO coming out, and does not want to cut the umbilical cord. I have asked him many times and even tried to change his mind...but he is determined not to see anything. heh.

This!

FabulousMrs.P · September 2011

DH will see as much as he wants to. If he wants to watch the baby come out, then its fine with me. If he doesn't feel comfortable watching it, then he doesn't have to. Quite frankly, I hear by that point all modesty is out the window anyway.

spedi · September 2011

Hubby has NO desire to see any of it. He hates hospitals and blood and anything associated with blood and hospitals. I will be more than happy to have him there with me holding my hand.

With #1, he was in my C/s with me. He sat by my head and promptly walked out the door when they were done. This time, he will head to the NICU with LO.

jessica0602 · September 2011

As much as he wants to see.

anniemh20 · September 2011

To be fair, unless there is a sheet up, I have no idea how they wont see it all. You are all kinda opened up with legs up to your chin when you are actually pushing. While my husband indicated it was kinda weird, it was also the most amazing experience ever.

txbabs111 · September 2011

Before DD was born, DH and I said he was going to stay by my head. He ended up holding one of my legs while I pushed. I'm sure he'll do the same since he's already seen everything.

Fianschneid · September 2011

The plan right now is for DH to stay up with me. If he wants to look in the moment, I think I'd be okay with it.

jeannkerricotober09 · September 2011

as long as everything goes ok, my wife will be recieving the baby so she will see everything! but even if it isnt possible, she will want to see it all. My doula and sister will stay up by my head, helping me.

Rdautenhahn · September 2011

I'm not sure what my husband will try and see. He seemed pretty freaked out by everything at first, but now he is all excited and hoping to cut the umbilical cord. Who knows. I'm nervous for him to look down there, but if he wants to do it I would not stop him. I am just a self conscious person by nature and I worry if he sees me giving birth it will like scar him and he will see it when he blinks. I'm a very self conscious person though, i dont want that area to be the center of attention.

babybuckley · September 2011

Originally I didn't think he wanted to see anything, but yesterday he told me he wanted to look when LO is crowning. If he wants to look I'm ok with it. I don't want to see anything and I told him there would be no picture taking.Other than that, I'm ok with whatever. I told him he doesn't have to cut the cord if he doesn't want to, but he says he feels like it's his duty and that he has to. I guess we'll see when the time comes.

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