Guess I just wanted to vent?

lauragetsfit · September 2011

I'm not sure if I'm allowed to post this here...I'm still in a state of shock, but wanted to talk to someone about what's going on with me. I'm 10 weeks pregnant, and have been married since last December. My husband and I have had ups and downs...a lot since we got married. Some physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse. We separated and got back together several times. The last time that we separated in May, he said that he was going to start going to AA, we were going to go to marriage counseling, and that he was going to make changes. He kept his promise. For almost three months, he made it to 95 days sobriety, we did some marriage counseling, and I thought that we were happy. He even stopped hitting me now that alcohol was out of the picture. In early August I found out that I was pregnant, and he seemed really excited. But weeks went on and I could see a change in him. Yes, we got into a few arguments (my hormones are all over the place and I'm very sensitive), but we always managed to work them out, or so I thought. Then, a few weeks ago I noticed a change in him. He stopped telling me he loved me, he stopped telling me how pretty I am, and he even stopped telling me how excited he was that we were having a baby on the way. Then, yesterday I was getting ready for work. It seemed like a typical morning. We had "couple time," he made me breakfast, and even packed my lunch. An hour before I was to leave work we talked on the phone and he said he was going to Starbucks and that he was going to see me when I got home. Then he said he loves me. So, I get out of work, I'm headed home, and I get a text from him. Basically he's saying that he's leaving me. He said he's not excited about the baby and that he doesn't even want it. He said he's been plotting to leave me for weeks and that this isn't the lifestyle that he wants anymore. Apparently he wasn't happy with just me, the baby on the way, our dog, and a sober life. Later on in the day (I tried texting and calling him, but he refused to respond to me) he texted me and said that he's been cheating on me

With an ex-gf from when he was a teenager. I'm so heartbroken and devestated. Part of me is relieved. I don't have to worry about if he's going to hit me again, if he's going to leave me, if he's going to yell at me, etc. But the other part misses him and our good times. Anyway, I'm staying at my parents' house now and plan to move back. I never thought that I'd be a single mom, but here I am. I'm planning to raise my baby on my own and be happy, and make sure that she or he has a fantastic, happy life. My parents are wonderful people and very supportive. I guess I feel blessed to have my family. Anyway, I'd love to talk to someone. I need all the support and hopefully new friends that I can get. Thanks for reading...

gisa886 · September 2011

Wow I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, but it seems like you and your baby will be in a much better place now. I hope things get better and better for you.

Belizelovers · September 2011

I could understand needing to vent! I could only imagine what you are going through! It sounds from what I have read that the relationship was unhealthy for you anyways.. Glad to "meet you" and I am glad your parents are so supportive

HappyAardvark · September 2011

I guess just from reading your post, I'm happy that you will never have to worry about him being physically abusive to you ever again. And it's not just about you any more, which I'm sure you know - it's about protecting your baby, and not bringing him into a home where abuse and violence is anything more than even an abstract concept. An adult can choose to put themselves in (or stay in) a situation like that - an innocent child deserves better.

Didn't check to see if you did this already, but you'll find tons of support on the Single Parents board from ladies that may have already been in a very similar situation as yours. Good luck to you and your baby.

Christina_Diane · September 2011

Hi Laura,

I am sorry that you are going through this, but from an outside perspective, it sounds like him leaving you is a great thing. Early in your post, your said, "he even stopped hitting me." That statement really got to me. NO ONE should ever hit you. You deserve better than that and so does your furture LO. If he was hitting you and treating you this way, his actions around the LO could possibly be the same. I can't imagine how difficult this must be right now, but I do know that time helps heal everything. And please, even if he tries to take you back and says that he will change, remember that he already said this and tried this and it didn't work. He is the one that failed, not you.

Please stick around the April board and share your pregnancy with us. This is a great board. Also, there is a single parents board that might be very beneficial and supportive for you to.

Best of luck.

lotus88 · September 2011

I'm sorry you're going through this. I just wanted to suggest that you seek out your own counselor right now. Being a single mom is tough, but just coming out of an abusive relationship complicates things. I think if you see a counselor you'll get some extra third-party support while you get back on your sleep. Maybe look into your local domestic violence agency. They usually offer counseling for free that is specific to the dynamics of domestic violence.

Again, I'm sorry you're in this situation. I hope you're able to stay safe.

mlebates · September 2011

First of all, congratulations on your wee one. This baby will be a blessing to you. Second of all, I have been there. I was never pregnant w/ my ex, but I have been mentally and physically abused. You are better off w/out him. Who's to say that if he had stayed that eventually his anger wouldn't have turned onto your baby when he/she was crying because he/she was hungry, or teething? I'm so glad you have a support system in your parents because there are a lot of women out there who don't. This will be SO hard for you to go through in the beginning but you will one day wake up, and realize you are so much better than he is. I wish all the best for you. If you have any questions on how to deal, let me know. I'll be more than willing to talk.

FreyaWin2382 · September 2011

Wow. I am sorry that you are having to go through all of this. However, to be blunt, it sounds like your guy is a loser and I know that you will be better off without him. I know though, that it is really easy for an internet stranger to say something like that, much harder for the woman who has loved him to. I hope that you are able to keep being strong for yourself and your baby and I am glad that you have a family that is supportive.

Maybe check out the single parents board for some more advice.

A man who hits a woman is no man at all, and you are making the right decision for your baby by cutting him out of your life. When you're ready, I would find a good attorney.

kiarstin · September 2011

I am so sorry you have live in this situation and have to deal with this.. I do think its a good thing, there is a cycle with things like this one that is hard to break. Every girl deserves to be in a loving, supportive, non abusive relationship including you. When someone is like that they rarely change and you and your baby deserve

much more, and with time I am sure you will find more. I am happy you have the support of the family, try to stay strong, dont go back its much better to lose someone and be sad then to live a unhappy life with someone.

WaitingOnNo2 · September 2011

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It actually sounds like him leaving you is going to work out the best for you in the end. Maybe you would never have left him, even if things got worse again? Unless he were able to recover completely, your life with an alcoholic would be a long and trying one. Alcoholism leads to so many broken homes, and the fact that he crossed the line to physical abuse is also really awful.

You can do this. Doing it on your own from the beginning will be so good because you won't have to worry about him of the effects he will have on your child. Stay strong and please feel free to vent on here whenever you want. ((hugs))

alelau1402 · September 2011

Hi Laura,

I'm very sorry for your situation. But I do believe that this is the best for you and your LO. Like a previous poster said "you don't deserve to be treated like that". You deserve someone that loves you and treats you like a queen. I'm glad to hear that you are thinking about you and the baby, and not crying over someone who doesn't deserve "your tears". Also glad your parents are very supportive. Use this forum to vent all you want, and I'm sure you will find lots of other people that will gladly support you and will want to talk with you.

corimjazz · September 2011

All I can say is everything happens for a reason. It's probably best that he's not in your child's life with the history he's had of violence. Count your blessings... you have a supportive family, a brand new baby on the way & you're definitely better off without him in your life. God Bless you & your baby. Here's to a healthy & happy 9 mos.

jgal84 · September 2011

Wow, it sounds like he did you a favor by leaving you! Leaving an abusive partner is one of the most dangerous things a person can do. I'm sorry that your marriage didn't work out, but it sounds like this is really the best case scenario for you. I've been in an abusive relationship, and I watched my mom go from one abusive relationship to another. I swore I would never fall victim to another man, but it happened. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I'm glad you have a supportive family - you will need it. I can't imagine dealing with everything that you are going through. I know you're hurting, but I really hope he stays far away from you and your child. The last thing you need to worry about is whether or not he will abuse your child. Best of luck!! There are a lot of supportive, single moms on here Big Smile

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