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How much school involvement for NCP?

sabrina69barnessabrina69barnes member
in Blended Families
We have SS and SD EOW during the school year. BM lives 2hrs away from us. When it comes to school DH attends parent teacher confrences when he can get off work, we get things that are mailed home, and thats about it. I think he should be more involved with their school but just because I have an opinion that doesn't mean that I'm right. He is more involved with DS's school but that is 2 min away not 2 hrs. How involved are you/ your DH/ your ex if you are the NCP? How much involvement do you think is an aproprite amount in this situation?
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Re: How much school involvement for NCP?

  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    Honestly if you live 2 hours away I just don't see how it is possible because 1.  he cannot be there physically often and 2.  he cannot micromanage what BM does.  I understand you wanting it to happen but I just don't see how.
    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • FutureMrsDrew73110FutureMrsDrew73110 member
    We live 15 min away from BM. Dh and/or I attend open houses, parent teacher conferences, award ceremonies, family fun nights, class activities that parents are invited to attend (Author's Tea etc.) DH works 5 hours away and is there for a week at a time so we have a written, notarized agreement with BM that if DH isn't here that I can attend any of these school functions if he isn't here.
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  • J&A2008J&A2008 member

    Eons ago when BM was involved, she lived over 5 hours away.  She didn't come to any conferences, but she did call and email the teacher to check in and ask how things were going. 

    It's good your DH is getting things from the school, but it probably wouldn't hurt for him to send a friendly message to the teacher thanking him/her for something they've taught the kids and asking some questions about the report cards or something.

    Stay at home mom to a house of boys: two amazing stepsons, 12 and 9, and our 4 year old.
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  • Littlejen22Littlejen22 member
    imageJ&A2008:

    Eons ago when BM was involved, she lived over 5 hours away.  She didn't come to any conferences, but she did call and email the teacher to check in and ask how things were going. 

    It's good your DH is getting things from the school, but it probably wouldn't hurt for him to send a friendly message to the teacher thanking him/her for something they've taught the kids and asking some questions about the report cards or something.

    Ooh, I do like the idea of email as long as it is not often, like maybe quarterly just letting them know that you want to know if there are any issues and just ask how things are going.  BUT, even if they tell you something bad it is unlikely you can do anything about it.  But I will tell you it drove me NUTS that BM never once in over 5 years called us (or the school) to ask how things were going (she only say SD 3 times in the last almost 5 of those years.)  But there is a fine line between involved and controling.

    Jen - Mom to two December 12 babies Nathaniel 12/12/06 and Addison 12/12/08
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  • CurlyQ284CurlyQ284 member
    We are 8 hours from BM, I have.been nagging DH for years to get more involved but I gave up cause I'm backing off for now. So now he wants to contact the school to get copies of the report cards and talk to the teachers. He hasn't done it yet so we wil see.
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  • IlumineIlumine member
    Even when DH was stationed overseas (first in Germany and then in Korea), DH maintained an active Relationship with SS's school. He communicated with the teachers, principals and councelors via e-mail every couple of weeks and had phone conversations when needed.

     

     

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  • Ginlyn0Ginlyn0 member

    We are only 20 mins away, but DH and I can log in and check the kids' grades online, absences, ect. He has gone to conferences, meet the teacher, programs and emailed anytime anything looks concerning. There have been a few times we have caught missing assignments SD had not turned and informed BM because she did not know about them because she doesn't check their grades online since she sees the papers they bring home. We pretty much stay on top of things in regards to school, but then again DH works for a school so it's kind of something he deals with regularly.

    With my DD, her dad lives about 35 mins away and he has never come to a conference, open house or meet the teacher and has only attended 2 programs and DD is now in 6th grade. I'm not sure why he doesn't involve himself.

    DD(14),SD(13),SS(11),SS(9),DS(3)

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  • wwnbwwwnbw member

    BM #1 lives 5 minutes away and most likely couldn't even tell you what the name of SS's school is. She sees him EOW but has no interest in him during the week. DH plans on being very involved when his youngest son starts school next year. We live 5 minutes away from BM #2 so I think our kids will go to the same school which will make things easier.

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