I'm doing it...sigh (cemetery/gravestone mentioned)

johnnys june · September 2011

I'm ordering Logan a headstone. Am I terrible mom for not having done this already? Nothing seemed "good enough." Don't get me wrong. I've made sure his grave site is nice. He has a firetruck filled with flowers, a moon & star wind chime in reference to "Goodnight Moon" -- his favorite book, and a blue pin wheel (I have a pin wheel outside what would have been his nursery's bedroom window at home too as a "mommy and Logan" thing. I just couldn't bare the thought of a dainty headstone, yet we can't afford a larger one. We plan on getting a really nice and big one designed as part of our will one day that'll include me, DH, and Logan (we already have plots). I know this is all kinda morbid. But once you bury your child, the morbidness becomes less intense and more just reality!? My heart hurts..and I needed to tell someone. I know I'll feel better once he has a proper headstone and not some plaque given by the funeral home. His birthday is coming up at the end of October...I want to have it in place by then.

Sorry I'm having such a hard time lately, ladies! And please let me know if this kind of stuff is just too much for me to post. I don't have many places to talk about it, but I also totally understand why...it's a hard subject. Not something people want to hear about, and I respect that...and most of all, I respect and cherish you all. Thanks for listening.

butterfly843 · September 2011

((hugs)) You are a wonderful mom. Ordering a headstone is really tough, I will keep you in my thoughts.

LilMaggs · September 2011

*hugs* I'm crying for you right now. I can't even imagine what that must feel like. Please don't ever feel like you can't post this. *more hugs*

johnnys june · September 2011

Thanks for the encouragement. I'll keep you all posted. It's going to be a hard week. But it needs to be done.

VikingQueen · September 2011

::lurking from TTCAL::

((huge hugs)) You are a wonderful mom and Logan is so lucky to have you as a mom.

Rawr08 · September 2011

You are a wonderful Mom! You want just the right headstone for him and that is so sweet.

Carolee · September 2011

Friend, you are the farthest thing from a terrible mom I know. You want the best for your sweet Logan. There is NOTHING wrong with that at all. I am sorry you're having a hard time lately. You're in my thoughts so often, and I hope you know I'm always here to listen. Big (((HUGS)))

cutebride73 · September 2011

((((hugs)))) I can not imagine how hard that must be to pick out a headstone. I don't blame you one bit for wanting to get something special and I think you need to take all the time you need to get what you want. My heart just aches for you. And please don't ever feel like you can't come here to share whatever you need to.

millejj1 · September 2011

You are a wonderful mom, don't second guess yourself for a second. Finding a perfect headstone and waiting until you know it's right for both of you is the best thing you could do for him. I'm sure whatever one you pick will be just perfect.

Big huge hugs. I'm sorry you're struggling with this.

chusum · September 2011

Not a terrible mom at all. Take your time and eventually you'll find the best headstone for Logan. Big Hugs.

kriskarp · September 2011

Lurking from TTCAL..

It is a hard thing to do. When my DH and I went and bought the headstone for our daughter it was a reality that I never thought I would face.

We, like you, alreday purchased the plots when we buried Mackenzie that would fit both DH and I and Mackenzie and would have enough room should we God forbid ever need more room. We waited almost 6 months before getting the headstone and ultimatly went with the large one but it only has our last name on the front with some flowers on each corner and a cross above our name; on the back we left room for our names DOB etc and have her name, DOB and then the words "Forever in our hearts" written below.

It is a really hard thing to do, but I still go everyday to the cemetary and I like that we have a headstone there and not just a temporary name plaque. We were lucky thta we could afford to do this as I know so many people cannot. If you need to chat feel free to PM me...T's&P's as you make these steps...

lauralew · September 2011

***totes lurking/signature warning/sorry if I am upsetting anyone by posting***

Oh, friend. My heart breaks for you. I wish you didn't have to feel this pain. I wish your heart was feeling happiness rather than sorrow... I wish you were picking out a birthday cake for sweet Logan. But wishing doesn't bring him back, and I know it doesn't make your pain any less. You do an amazing job of honoring Logan's brief but incredibly important life, no matter how hard it is. Your love for him is apparent, and no one would ever question it...even if it did take several months for you to choose how you wanted to mark his grave. You constantly inspire me. If I can show my children how much I love them half as well as you have shown Logan, then I will consider myself a success.

I also want to say I do an awful job lurking, so I'm sorry I haven't provided more support to you recently. I think about you often, though.

CashewsMommy · September 2011

{{{hugs}}}

It is a hard step! But i'm so glad you're doing it hun!

bbhalphen · September 2011

Sending HUGE hugs!

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