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Childless not by choice
MandyBrownNoser
member
Just wondering
MandyBrownNoser
member
What is so entertaining about this board that makes thousands of people lurk?
Is it a "thank god I'm not them" kind of thing?
Whatever it is- it's really creepy.
Fuuck TTC - I'm moving on.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Just wondering
Well...
1.) As a new, barely-pregnant person with a lot of friends struggling with infertility and/or who may have stopped trying, I've been "lurking" in hopes of learning how to let them know without hurting our friendships.
2.) I'm only five weeks along and anything can happen. I've been paranoid my whole life about infertility and it's nice to see if that were to be the case there are people who could hold my hand through that too.
So anyway. Those are my reasons. I don't mean to be creepy.
Congratulations on your pregnancy.
https://www.resolve.org/support-and-services/for-family--friends/infertility-etiquette.html
^ Pretty great resource. As far as actually letting them know, you know your friends better than anyone here does. But in case it helps, I'll tell you how my best friend in the world told me she was expecting. It was a long, very very compassionate email. She gave me time to process it without having to look her in the face or having to stifle whimpers over the phone. Also, the 'infertility' board may be more helpful; there have been a lot of posts over there about this matter, accessible via google. I hope you never 'belong' there or here.
It is very, very, creepy. At least we are taking away from those who have recently gone through a loss. I always find it INSANE when those post have all kinds of lurks. Why would you want to go read about a persons loss, as you rub your bump? Sick sick sick. We should creep on spouse loss boards while we make out with our husbands.
I love it when they post on our meltdowns, discussions, and whiny fits. As if they really have anything to say that we could possibly find helpful or care to hear about. It's like...okay, thanks for be just another pregnant person or mom who tries to understand but never will. It's funny when they post on the random stuff or the GTKY. Like they forgot which board they were on.
**No pun intended on the above poster.
I lurk because I'm afraid I may have to be here one day. I'm 43 and having to go the DE route, but things are not going smoothly.... I think 45 is my self imposed cut off to be pregnant/have a baby. So, I'm interested in trying to prepare myself for being child free, but I'm not quite done trying yet.
((Hugs)) to all.
I'm not sure about the other 2,999 but personally I have a friend in your situation, and I don't know what to say to her sometimes. She knows I have kids but as time went on and I had more kids, and she struggled with infertility I slowly stopped mentioning them because I'm not sure if that upsets her or not (I'm also not sure if she wonders why I don't say anything about them anymore). From what I've read on here most of you don't want to hear about or see anyone else's kids, I understand why, and I respect that. I know the simple answer is just ask her, but talking about infertility with anyone is like walking on eggshells and once someones feelings are hurt it's hard to go back.
I know she is sad right now because it's around the anniversary of when she lost her "bump", but I don't know if I should say anything (like I remember, and that I care) or that would make her more upset.
I didn't want to post questions here because I don't really "belong" here and I didn't want people to be offended by the girl with 5 kids in her siggy (and I'm not a fan of AE's). I was just hoping to get some answers to my questions without upsetting anyone. Sorry for being creepy.
Same. We've pretty much decided to not move forward. I haven't posted anything other than this post because I know that it's not a board for those who may graduate, and we haven't put the final nail in the coffin and may not for a couple of years. But that's why I lurk - because this may someday be my home.
P/SAIF Welcome
Invisible Finish Line
3T's Traveling Ovary Blog
7DPO Progesterone: low. CD3 BW: normal, HSG: clear
DX: severe MFI (low all 3) and low T. Undergoing replacement therapy.
It may be really unfair of me, but considering the number of people that do have children, many of whom were very unexpected... it makes me also think sometimes people regret it and are curious how the other half lives.
Having children is supposed to be the "easy" and "natural" thing, but for so many of us it's not.
Just as our choice has been taken away so has their endless time to themselves simply enjoying their DH, carefree trips, and boat loads more disposable income. These luxuries get made up for by lame facebook statuses about getting peed on and how wonderful it is being a mother as if there is something to prove to who does more and loves their children more. It's often said the first couple years are especially trying, but it's not acceptable to complain or second guess.
Often times I can envision myself ending up here more than being a mother, because it's the most predictable outcome. Right now we are still going through the motions and working through the trying phase to feel as though we've done all we can.
Every single day I try not to let whether or not I become a mother dictate what I do. I want to live my life and be very proud of the life I have. Even despite these road bumps I wouldn't trade my life with anyone. I'm looking forward to booking a trip anywhere I want right this moment.
Thank you
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
It is a little strange... but there are plenty of times when I hit a particular post WAY more than once because I can never remember how many replies there were the last time I was online! Of course, it's not thousands of times...
Some people are probably just freaks, but I like to tell myself that plenty of people are reading the posts as a way to learn how someone in our position might feel so they can use the knowlege to relate to a friend. I've lurked on the pregnancy loss board for that purpose. Also, before the bump started this board I used to spend hours searching for a similar board because I knew this was where I was heading and I wanted to get a feel for what to expect. I also used those boards as a way to tell if the feelings I was having were normal.
I do have to say that sometimes I don't post things because the number of views vs/ the number of replies makes me uncomfortable.
(Dear Bump, THANK YOU for this board.)
Me: 36, DH: 42
Dx: DOR and MFI
DH: low count + very low motility; hormones all normal; Sperm DNA Frag. test = poor to fair; male karyotyping normal
Me: FSH 13.4 + AMH 0.26 + hypothyroidism; Scratch the hypothyrodism (?); Blood clotting and immune panel all negative; endometrial biopsy normal
IVF #1 (MDLF - Jul/Aug 2011): BFN (9R, 5M, 3F with ICSI, 3dt of 1 10-cell grade 2, no frosties)
IVF #2 (EP-antagonist - Sep/Oct 2011): BFN (6R, 4M, 3F w/ ICSI, 3dt of 1 6-cell, 1 7-cell, grade 4s, no frosties)
DE IVF #1 (shared cycle - June 2012): c/p (6R, 6F w/ICSI, 3dt 1 8-cell grade A- and 1 7-cell grade A-; no frosties)
DE IVF #2 (shared cycle with new donor - Nov/Dec/ 2012): - BFP!!!!! 12/14/12. U/S on 12/27 shows twins!!!!!
SAIFW/PAIFW
It actually makes me feel better after reading about why there are so many lurkers on this board. It makes me feel like less of a freak show. I know I used to lurk here a lot before we decided to stop TTC.
I also think that because the board moves so slow, posts stay at the top of the page for a long time. So, when there are lurkers, there aren't that many posts to lurk on and the posts end up with a lot of views. If the board moved faster, the posts would move down the page faster and end up with less views.
DH-34-MFI-motility+morphology.... Me-32-Hypothyrpid+LPD
7/8/11: Clomid100mg+Ovidrel+IUI#1=BFN
8/2/11: Clomid50mg+Ovidrel+IUI#2=BFFN
8/25/11: Follistim50iu+Ovidrel+IUI#3=BFP!!!!@14dpo
Beta#1 9/8 - 251 Beta#2 9/15 - 1622 Beta#3 9/22 - 12674
1st U/S; heard one beautiful HB of 129 - 9/29/11
OB visit; HB of 166 - 10/13/11
2nd US; HB of 163 - 10/18/11
A/S - 12/9/11 - It's a perfect healthy BOY!!!!
Our miracle baby boy - born 5/24/12
I lurk far more often that I should without stopping in. I read to see how people handle life's situations because I am running into a million hurdles with IF and no one around me has ever gone through the same thing, in fact.. 2 of my 3 sister in laws are expecting and where I am super excited and happy for them, I don't really have a place where I know people will get my sadness.
I've had a hard time dealing with FB and every other person's picture being an effffffin sonograph picture or going to a zillion baby showers.. or buying congratulations on your new baby cards... I'm not the person to be like, stop it with all this baby stuff but it's just becoming more difficult realizing I won't be the glowing pregnant mom. It is what it is.
I thank you ALL for sharing your stories and struggles.. I finally feel like I'm not alone.
I sincerely apologize if my ticker offends anyone. This is why I generally don't post here.
"God is faithful, and he will not let you be tested beyond your strength, but with the testing he will also provide the way out so that you may be able to endure it" 1 Corinthians 10:13I lurk here for 2 reasons
1-im bored, and i lurk everywhere at this point
2-my best friend had to have surgery at age 21 (we are 23 now) to remove cysts from her ovaries (which left them pretty scared up), has had 3 m/c's (with the man she has been with for 7years), and has a rare blood disorder that makes anymore surgery very dangerous, so she does not want to try to get pregnant for fear of needing a c/s and bleeding out and.... So she has given up carrying children of her own. She is scared of having a surrogate, some stranger carrying her child. I will do it for her in a heartbeat, but i myself have a chronic condition, and this may be my last child. So, she is preparing herself for NEVER having children, and i come here to see what i havent thought about saying/not saying
Such as "Should i sell my house" , "How do i decide if its the end of the line" , and "Am i still a mommy if my babies are in heaven" help me know how to approach topics with her. I dont post her about what to do, as i know everyone is different, and she is very open and honest, and would rather i ask her about what is appropriate to do, than just doing something and hoping she wouldnt mind. Example, she loves to hear about my DS, and LO in my belly...as long as show the same interest in her pets, which i do (and have posted about my furry nieces and nephew on TheBump).
But i still lurk here to get an idea of what to do, same as i lurk on the LGBT board since my sister has come out as being a bisexual, so when she decides to have kids, if it is with a woman, i may have some insight as to what to say/do with her.
You all arent the freak show, most people probably lurk to try to tackle IRL situations.
I lurk once in a blue moon for the bolded reasons. Also, I experienced a loss in 2008, as well as an ectopic which included loss of a tube and I didn't know how to react to myself sometimes when thinking of having children. Once DH & I decided to TTC in 2010 I was so nervous that it would be an ongoing process & I would eventually give up, lose all my reproductive parts, or belong here as well.I am thankful we were able to conceive, but sometimes I still think of the "what-if's", so I lurk here sometimes.
I don't know any of you personally and maybe a few from these boards, but please know that some of us aren't trying to be creepy or make you feel like "the carnival freak show". Some of us just don't know what to say to our friends in your situation, and some of us had our own battles w/ IF.
(I will say though-- LOTS of people are obviously just creepy creepers.)
Ditto. I got to "know" some of you on the IF and TTCAL/+6 boards. I lurk because I care about those ladies and want to follow their journey.
BFP #3 via cancelled IUI ~ C (2lb 3oz; HELLP) 5/16/11
BFP #4 via the natural (free!) way ~ E (8lb 11oz) 9/13/12
My cousin has been struggling to get pregnant for 2 years. She has anovulatory cycles and endo plus she is 39.5 years old. She told me that she and her husband are not open to adoption and they are not in a financial situation to really afford IF treatments. I'm concerned that she may be CFNBC eventually.
I lurk to get insight on relevant topics and to try to be sensitive to her emotions. The women on this board are not freaks! I'm sorry for creeping you out.
I lurk most boards just because I like understanding what people are going through so I can understand how to help friends/family who are going through this. It is so painful to see someone going through something like this. You are not a carnival freak show by any means. I'm sorry if my lurking offends you
I wish I had more to offer to you but I don't and I know you've probably heard this a million times...
I don't think it is actually "anger" that people have just more of the fact that it feels really disrespectful.
I relate it to if you had a friend who's mom passed away from cancer(or anything else) you wouldn't go to that friend, or any person, and talk about how great your mom is and constantly put it in your friends face that you have a mom and she doesn't.
Keep in mind....a lot of us here have just recently reached this point. Even if we had known for sometime this was our fate, we are just now starting to accept it and figure out what it means. With grief comes anger. This board is still very new. Even those of us here aren't really sure of what it means to be apart of it and what exactly we are suppose to be doing.
Forgive us if we have "turned you off". But in the beginning we were very much attacked by a large majority of the posters around thebump. I'm sure most of us are still harboring some ill feelings.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."