So I confronted my RE

heathergirl67 · September 2011

I had my IUI done this morning and confronted my RE about his office's mistake. In case you didn't read my last post, my husband had a Kruger SA done in May that found that he had 0% morphology. Obviously a big problem and IVF with ICSI is pretty much our only option to get pregnant. The thing is, my RE's office got the result two days later (still in May) but never told me about it. I found out two days ago. During the three months in between we did two IUIs, spending roughly $2500. Had we known the results we would not have done the IUIs.

I'm not a confrontational person by nature. I'll do it when I need to, but it makes me really uncomfortable. In fact, my blood pressure this morning was 20pts higher than usual because I was so nervous about talking to him about it! But I did. I asked, "It looks like your office found out about the SA results three months ago. I'm wondering why I was never told about it until two days ago?" He said, "You know, maybe you just got caught up so much in going forward with treatment that it got forgotten." That made me mad. So now it's somehow MY fault that your office didn't inform me of our test results?

Me: If we had known about those results, though, we wouldn't have gone with two IUIs. Because no one told us about them we spent $2500 that we wouldn't have otherwise.

RE: Think of it this way, even with those results, I would have recommended the same course of action. It comes down to your odds of getting pregnant through IVF are greater, but it's around $15k. Whereas you still have a chance of getting pregnant through IUI and it's a fraction of the price.

Me: Yeah, but that's not the point. That should have been our choice to make. We paid for the Kruger test because we wanted to be able to make an informed choice. By neglecting to tell us about it until three months later your office effectively took that choice away from us.

He admitted at that point that it was a screw up. I don't know, I liked him personally up until now. I am still mad, but I am quite sure that even if I pushed it I wouldn't get any money back. It's not a regular fertility clinic, it's the infertility department of a giant healthcare/insurance conglomorate. There is no way I'll be reimbursed. But still, I'm proud of myself for standing up for us. At least now they know what a big deal their mistake was. And we will NEVER go back there.

Oh yeah, after all of that the RE tried to sell me on using them to do our IVF! He was saying that since we are members there it would cost us about two grand less to go through them. His reasoning was specious, but even if it wasn't there is no way I would go through them for IVF! Not when they've already mismanaged our care, and then tried to blame it on us! I already have decided where we'll be going and it's #2 of the best places in San Diego. My current place wasn't even in the top five.

So, that's my update. Thanks for reading! Tomorrow I'm making an appointment for my husband to see the urologist and an appointment for me to meet with our new fertility clinic. I see bright things in our future. It's so nice to feel hopeful again!

lunatwo · September 2011

Good for you! I'm glad you spoke up. I'm still mad you weren't compensated though. At least you found a better place to go. IVF is tough enough as it is. You want to make sure you give yourself the best chance for success. GL with it!

ShellShockedMama · September 2011

What a douche bag doctor. I'd complain to the medical board in your state. What else is he not doing correctly to the detriment of his patients? Withholding medical results is scary!I still want to slap him, but yay for you standing up for yourself

EclairAngst · September 2011

:::high five!!:::

Way to stick up for yourself. So glad you'll be getting out of that practice and on to someplace with integrity.

liesam · September 2011

Good for you! I'm the same way you are about confrontation, and it can make it even harder when it's a medical professional. I'm really glad you stood up for yourself and found a new clinic.

ag0527 · September 2011

i'm not a fan of confrontation either, good for you for standing up for yourself

edit...crap, just realized i accidentally posted this on 6+!! i was lurking and forgot where i was apologies for butting in but didn't want to dd.

CashewsMommy · September 2011

I'm so glad you spoke up hun!!! I hope he realized how upset you are about it. He must have sensed it with the attempted sell of doing the IVF there. I'm so sorry you had to go through that though . {{hugs}}

csquared426 · September 2011

Good for you! Sorry he was such as asshat!

Glad you found a better RE practice. And good luck with your DH's Urologist appt!!!

chusum · September 2011

Wow, can't believe he kept deflecting any blame & to think you would have even considered them for anything else after all that.

Olive44 · September 2011

Good for you! I'm glad you're going to see a new RE. That guy sounds like an a$$.

Rawr08 · September 2011

I'm glad you called the Dr out on his BS. I am also glad you are finding a new place. There is no way any of that was your fault, what a jackass for trying to turn it around on you.

I hope the new place is the right match for you. BUT, I really hope you wont need it and this IUI worked!

johnnys june · September 2011

Good for you standing up for yourself! You are your best advocate. And doctor's tend to think it's ok for them to mess up...or they don't admit to it at all. Just because you have a degree doesn't mean you're entitled to use it as an excuse for screwing around with other people's lives! *hugs* FX IUI works and there's no need for IVF!!! Good luck with the appointments though!

cutebride73 · September 2011

That's really great that you confronted him about it. Even though you won't be reimbursed. To be honest, I might even write a letter to their medical director to let them know why you are leaving the practice. I mean seriously. That is borderline malpractice not to tell you your results.

I am glad that you found somewhere else you want to go.

millejj1 · September 2011

Good for you for speaking up and not backing down when he was a jerk!

I hope you have no need to go onto IVF at the new clinic because this one gets you KU!

LilMaggs · September 2011

Good for you! I'd still push to get reimbursed. It wasn't his call to make, and he sure as hell made the wrong one. If you paid by credit card, could you open a dispute with your card company? There's no way he can say that he didn't know damn well a 0% morphology meant an IUI was not the right choice.

butterfly843 · September 2011

I'm so glad you confronted him. So glad you are going to a new clinic for IVF.

ColindaP · September 2011

It pisses me off you weren't compensated in some way. Sure, he might have rec'd IUI anyway, but who's to say you guys would've made that decision? That really sucks that it's a not a private practice RE - private practice REs have so much more at stake on their names that they're better about comping stuff.

I'm glad you've found somewhere better to go! I hope the appointment with the urologist and the new fertility doc sets you guys on the path you need to be on to make this shizz happen.

islelily · September 2011

Ugh! I can't believe the office did that and that was the RE's response. Good for you for speaking up! I don't know if I would've been able to be so tactful and get my thoughts across so nicely as you did.

Good luck at the new doctor! I really hope it works out for you guys

buckeyebaby814 · September 2011

That is insane (your doctor's screw up and excuses)!!!! Of course, lets blame the crazy, hormonal lady (not my opinion--- just what doctors 'act' like when speaking to us). I'm sorry you've had such a time with them- but I am proud of you for speaking up! I am not much of one to speak up but with that, I think I would do exactly the same.

Can you file an official grievance or something, since it is a bigger establishment? I bet since they are bigger, they probably have a fund, for screw ups and more money than a smaller place to accommodate mistakes. I would poke around and find out!! Good luck hon.

lavril · September 2011

Way to stand up for yourself!! That must have been so hard - you go girl!

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