Toddler, pregnant and alone WWYD?

shall923 · September 2011

Would you try for #2 if you had a toddler and your DH was going to be gone for a lot of the pregnancy? Because of a change in schedule DH will have to deploy at the time we were going to try for #2. I have been flip flopping on whether to try before he leaves. We could try for 2 cycles and he would be home for the birth. It took us 13 cycles to have K so there is no reason to think it would happen quickly this time but it could.

Oh and when I say alone, I mean alone. All of our family is on the other side of the country. They could come if there was an emergency but could not drop in to help out or give me a break. I know each pregnancy is different so I am just looking for opinions from those that have more than one. How hard is a pregnancy with a toddler?

Mrs.EmmaLouise · September 2011

I don't have a toddler. But maybe you could TTC on R&R? I mean, it'd be a one cycle shot, but it could happen.

shall923 · September 2011

Mrs.EmmaLouise:
I don't have a toddler. But maybe you could TTC on R&R? I mean, it'd be a one cycle shot, but it could happen.

He doesn't get R&R so we would have to wait until he got back.

Mrs.EmmaLouise · September 2011

shall923:
Mrs.EmmaLouise:
I don't have a toddler. But maybe you could TTC on R&R? I mean, it'd be a one cycle shot, but it could happen.
He doesn't get R&R so we would have to wait until he got back.

Sorry, that sucks

MrsDiff22 · September 2011

With our history(it took 10 cycles but I have long cycles so over a year) I would. I was in a similar position recently, it looked like my DH was going to have to go to Vegas for an extended time for work(live there and me stay in AZ) and after a lot of talking we decided to go for it still.

I had a really easy pregnancy with Mark which I know could be different next time but my LO is pretty easy going as well. Good Luck making a decision!

akabride30 · September 2011

I would go for it. You never know how many cycles it will take to get your BFP. I went from being fertile myrtile first time around to it taking over a year due to prolactin issues this time. I never would have waited so long if I knew then what I know now.

hopingwaiting · September 2011

I would wait. It is hard enough for me with LO when DH is gone because we also have no family nearby. Unless you have family or friends who could come out at short notice if the proverbial sh_t hit the fan.

sarahandeddiejune212008 · September 2011

Are you a member of the FRG? Are the other wives that could help out in case of emergency? I would probably go for it. DH and I both regret waiting to ttc DD until after his deployment. It'll be hard but the rewards would be worth it IMO.

eminbmore · September 2011

I was sick sick sick while pregnant, and still spent a lot of time alone with my toddler (he was almost two when I got pregnant with DD) - DH was working a ton and traveling a lot during that time. I will admit that he watched a lot more tv than I was happy with over the 9 months, but all in all it was pretty ok. It got the hardest toward the end, when I was too big to keep up with him or pick him up, but that really only was a few weeks.

The issue really could be if something goes wrong and you need to be on bed rest or you are told that you can't pick up the toddler. I had that in the beginning and at the end (I had high BP) and that really was the part that made it challenging. If I'd had an uneventful pregnancy, I think it would have been easier.

LoriJ11 · September 2011

I have no family here and DH works more than full time and goes to school for his PhD full time. So I am pregnant with a 19 mo old and do most everything by myself. It is hard but worth it. We decided to try not instead of waiting until DH is out of school b/c we wanted them close together. It is a lot of work.... but it can be done. Good luck!

ShellShockedMama · September 2011

I see what my bff has gone through with her second pregnancy, there's no way I'd do it alone with DS being 1. It has been SO SO SO SO hard on her and her child is FOUR and can do things on his own--substitute him for a mommy-dependent toddler? She has told me that, even with help, she would have been beside herself and there's no way she could have done it.

Personally, I would not want to be alone while PG and caring for a one year old. No way, no sir.

sept9107bride · September 2011

I say go for it as well. I think DH being away if you had a newborn and toddler would be totally different. But you already know how to be with your toddler daily, so you would keep the same routine. my DH travels a lot for work (several days a week) and its been not difficult. we have the same situation - family lives far away as well. plus its hard to "plan" pregnancies, so if it happens, it would be a good thing! we had "planned" to wait to ttc until after a wedding I was in this sept...well I got KU 4 months before the wedding and the wedding ended up getting called off....so you never know what will happen

GL!

ShellShockedMama · September 2011

Also, not to be snarky at ALL but it's not really the same if a DH is working a lot and away from home compared to a DH half way across the world for a year.

If something when wrong or your morning sickness was so bad that you literally could not get out of the bathroom (what happened to my friend), the "there but working" DHs are still technically there and I'm sure would be able to figure something out in an emergency.

If your DH is half way across the world and there is literally NOBODY? No way, too risky.

shelbyluvschachi · September 2011

If it were me, I would go for it. But I have reasons that might not apply to you: I have had easy pregnancies (no morning sickness, exhaustion, etc.) -- I honestly feel really good until maybe the last week when I get tired and cranky; I'm older (36) and would not want to put it off an entire year; I want my kids close in age (2-ish years apart); and I would rather have DH away during pregnancy rather than away for the birth and newborn stage. Good luck with whatever you decide -- things really do seem to work out for the best.

shall923 · September 2011

shelbyluvschachi:
If it were me, I would go for it. But I have reasons that might not apply to you: I have had easy pregnancies (no morning sickness, exhaustion, etc.) -- I honestly feel really good until maybe the last week when I get tired and cranky; I'm older (36) and would not want to put it off an entire year; I want my kids close in age (2-ish years apart); and I would rather have DH away during pregnancy rather than away for the birth and newborn stage. Good luck with whatever you decide -- things really do seem to work out for the best.

Our age is the other reason we are considering trying. I will be 35 (DH turned 36 last month) this month. If we try before he leaves and are successful I will be 36 when #2 is born. If we wait at best I will be 37 when #2 is born. 38 if it takes as long as it took with K. That is our cut off. If it doesn't happen by 38 (DH 39) we are done. That was really long but bottom line, yes my age is a factor.

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