Do you find yourself angry when.....
People use God to try and "ease" you?
I understand that it s common for people to go to the "God" thing when they really have no idea what to say. All the "Everything happens for a reason" and "God will work in your life if you let him" personal favorite.."Just pray".
Those comments really just make me want to open a can of STFU. As a medical student...I am a believer in science. I believe this is what has happened to me because of the chemo. For others....sometimes the body just doesn't work the way it should. A flaw in a nearly always perfect design. This of course is an extremely difficult thing to accept. People who are ignorant to the fact, yes not all women can bare children, just really piss me off. Why can't you just accept what I am telling you is wrong with me. I didn't ask for you to give me your "advice" or talk to me about God.
Anyone else feel as if you can tell people 1000x but they just don't understand the full depth of the situation??
Re: Do you find yourself angry when.....
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
Exactly. I just will never understand why people feel as if they need to push it. I have faith. I believe in something more than this earth. But to try and tell someone to "just pray" when they have been told by medical doctors, trained in this very specific area, that they is nothing that can be done. Or they need to remortgage their home to afford it. It goes passed Iowa..whoever. I get this all the time. The worst being my mother.
Whatever happened to "I am so sorry to hear that. If you ever need to talk or just escape for a day..call me." ?
Desirae..I just read your blog and have tears streaming down my face. I'm sorry for your loss. I hope that's ok to say and I don't upset you.
ME:46 MH:44 DE IVF 2014
Met with RE 4/11. 2 IUI's BFN. DE best option. Switched clinics to do "shared" program. Had to retake all tests and a mamm that put me behind and then on a DE waiting list for 12 months. Picked a donor!! (10/13/13) Got matched. Estimated transfer in December. After 2.5 years of patiently waiting I will finally cycle....can hardly believe it. DE cycle got cancelled. One of her tests came back positive. Waiting for another donor. Donor picked!! (1/18/14)
DE IVF #1 (4/26) BFN DE FET #1 (6/4) BFP! Beta 1=339 Beta 2=852 Beta 3=9957 EDD 2/22/15!!
Yes, it makes me angry and it isn't because I don't believe in God... I do... it isn't because I don't think that "everything happens for a reason"... because time and time again I've seen things work out in "mysterious" ways. Yes, I'm sure God has a plan, but that is between me and God. When I'm in acute pain I don't want to hear about how this is all going to work out... I want to hear "I'm sorry" and that is it!
IRL I have two friends, "Pam" went through secondary infertility and "Lucy" gets pg at the drop of a hat... Pam and I spent a lot of time discussing our fertility issues and when Pam got pregnant I was very happy for her. We talked aobut how Lucy was going to react (we knew she would say something stupid) and poor Pam didn't even want to announce to her because of it. She finally tells her and Lucy goes ON AND ON saying "Oh, I just knew it would happen! Oh, the power of prayer!! The power of Prayer!!!" When Pam told me this story she was livid because they got pregnant after a surgery for a varicocele! (she never told Lucy about the surgery) After we bitched a while we laughed and said apparently my problem was that Lucy hasn't said any prayers for me...
People just don't get it.
I get really angry..then I calmly tell them that God isn't responsible. If any of this were "God's Plan" then all the wonderful women would have a baby, and none of the asshats would. Not everything happens for a reason - there is no reason God would need/PLAN for a child to be tortured. MY God doesn't allow crack heads to get pregnant, MY God doesn't allow children to be abused and killed. My God isn't so confused to give babies to bad people and not to me. So don't blame all of this on God.
TTC#1 since 2004
LGBT
4 cycles @ home with known donor - BFN
RE un-medicated IUI cycles # 1-7= BFN
NEW RE Clomid 50mg/ Ovidrel/ IUI #8 BFN
Took long break
Nov 2009 - Clomid 50mg/ Ovidrel/IUI #9 = BFP
Beta 12/4 - 10...Beta #2 12/7- 28 Beta #3 12/9 - 80!
1st sonogram 12/28 - slow hb and growth
m/c 1/1/2010 Courtland 8w0d
Nov 2010 cycle cancelled - polyp removal/hysteroscopy
April 4 2011 - IUI #10 BFFN
July 5, 2011 - #11 BFFN AMH .62 Boo
to remove the redirecting hyperlink spam.
PLEASE STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS.
Hyperlink removed by moderator. STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS!
I'm with ya on the whole "God will heal" thing, and I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties. HOWEVER, I wouldn't give up. My father had lymphoma and had undergone chemo AND radiation. They told my parents there was NO WAY they would ever have children. And here I am to talk about it now. Don't stop believing...period. I'm not going to babble on about all kinds of mushy crap, not my style. But believe me when I say maybe, just maybe, there might be a shred of hope. Good luck and take care, wish you all the best! And I mean that.
This sentiment is nice and all but (and I may be alone here) it really is not helpful or supportive at all. For me there needs to be a time where I stop "hoping and believing" because all it does is delay the inevitable and much needed acceptance that we will be child free.
Unfortunately my husband is stuck in the hope vortex right now and it really has not been a great time. He is convinced that it is going to happen because so many people keep telling him to keep hoping and not to give up because so and so they knew tried for x amount of years and were told they would never have kids and then one day they just ended up pregnant.
That's all great and wonderful but for everyone of those stories I'm sure there's one where the couple tried for years and was told it would never happen and it didn't ever happen.
I think the first (and most difficult) step of coping with a child free future is realizing that it will indeed be a child free future.
"It's a child, not a cheeto" Thanks mmariluh!
"Ew. I've read all of two posts from you, and you stink like rotting garbage."
To start off with.. I'm very sorry for your loss. I can't even fathom what that must feel like.
On the issue of "God's master plan etc. etc" I went through the same exact thing when my father passed away of pancreatic cancer almost a year ago now. Those types of sentiments are just about as frustrating to hear as "If you need anything.. please just call me" when I know that it's not genuine. I still to this day have people say things like "Aren't you glad he's in a better place now?" I used to get so irritated that I actually lunged at my own Grandmother one time.
However, I've come to realize that people often say things like that because they quite literally have no idea what else to say. I believe that when you experience a great loss in your life, regardless of the nature, you become a member of a type of social club. Only other people who have experienced hurt of that magnitude can ever understand what you're going through, and everyone else seems to have a serious case of foot-in-mouth syndrome.
I have found that sometimes you just have to tell people "Hey, I don't need you to fix this. I don't need you to say anything. I just wanted to tell you." That way they don't feel the need to say the same generic phrases you've heard 100000 times. If that doesn't work, a swift crack to the jaw will.
Good luck.