VENT
DH has a son with someone else. He's supposed to see him 4 times a year(they live in a different state). but because his ex "V" is absolutely crazy he hasn't seen him for 2 years. They've never had a good relationship and she hates him so she does everything she can to prevent him from seeing his son. But anyways DH or his parents(they call to talk to their grandson) haven't been able to reach her for about 3 months. She doesn't answer any e-mails and her phone goes straight to voice mail. Just recently DH got about 4 months worth of his child support payments sent back to him. Tomorrow I'm calling the police department near where they live to see if they can go check to see if she and his son are ok.
I'm so nervous, no matter how much we both despise her, I would never want anything bad to happen to her.
DH is a wreck he's so worried about his son.
Re: VENT
He needs a new lawyer. He should be able to "be there" through a skype type of arrangment. Some of the posters on this board live in different countries than the other parent.
But I'm sorry, I see little excuse to not see your child for two years.
So does this mean they have a CO or not? The visitation could have been worked out with the mediator and then signed off by a judge, that doesn't mean it is any less valid than if you stood in front of a judge.
Yea it was signed by a judge sorry. But when he does take her to court about visitation, she just says that he doesn't call to talk to him so he doesn't know him enough to come spend a week with him. But it's because she doesn't answer his phone calls or e-mails. He's even taken his phone records to show when and how many times he calls but they still sided with her because he needs to establish a better relationship with his son before he comes to stay with him. But how can he do that when she doesn't let DH talk to him?
Sorry i just needed to vent. I just feel so frustrated because I want to be there for DH but how much can I really do? Legally I really don't have any rights.
You can't do anything. HE has to take the initiative to do it. HE needs to fight for his right to see his son, take BM to court, make her be accountable for her actions. This is his job as the NCP in this situation. If she is being a hound from hell and not letting him have access to his son per the CO, then he needs to make sure the courts are aware of it. Every time. The only thing you can do is support him through the process.
If he doesn't, then he's shown you exactly the kind of father that he wants to be.
I hope they are okay! Keep us updated!
This. All of it. And, I still don't understand not seeing his child in two years time, and you saying he's a "great" dad. You said BM ignores his calls? Did he send letters? Certified mail? "Per our stipulation, I'm coming xx days next month to see my son...?" Did he show up and have her refuse? That's when you can go to the police. He's not doing enough.
If all he goes to court with are ignored phone calls, NOT refused visits, then he's not trying hard enough to show that he wants to see his child. It sucks, and it's a terrible system in some ways, but he's got to put the work in if he wants a judge to believe he truly cares about seeing his son.
Every.Single.Time he attempts to call/skype/have contact and is denied, he needs to contact the lawyers/court. They will get sick of hearing from him but he has to document her barring him from his son. His exact words should be "I attempted contact on this day at this time and was denied contact. I attempted again on this day at this time and was also denied." He should NOT let 2 years go by before bringing it before the courts. That will only make him look like he's only half-azzed about fighting for his kid. But if he brings it to the courts attention EVERY time, they will eventually do something about it.
Work schedules are not an excuse for waiting two years to fight for your kid. Sorry, but there were days/times during that two years where I'm SURE He wasn't at work and could've called a lawyer or a judge. Also, full custody IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN if he doesn't show some sort of effort. He is currently only scheduled to see the kid 4 times a year, THAT does not make him full custody material. The courts will not remove the child from his custodial parent and place him with a parent he only sees (at most) 4 times a year, without some evidence that the CP is abusing or neglecting him in a pretty horrible way.
You don't have to live in the same state. DH and I have 4 states inbetween us and SD's mom. DH did some investigation and hired the best family lawyer in their city. It was only then that he got any progress. The lawyer spoke for DH. Sometimes, DH would be conferenced in too. They make accomodations for people in your circumstances.
He may have a challenge on his hands. DH's second wife ran off with his two daughters and the same thing happened to him as well, she disappeared and his child support came back to him. It took him another 3-4 years to find them.
Get a lawyer - a good one - and DH should tell them what his expectations are and that he expects the lawyer to fight like hell for him when you are not present.
If DH wanted a baby, and she didn't, then he should have fought and taken custody of the child. And he should do it now when he figures out where she and his child are.
She didn't want to have him but DH made her and they tried to make their relationship work but they just couldn't and she took off to CA(DH was stationed there when he was in the military and that's where they met) when he was at work. Then she moved about a year ago and didn't tell him until a few months after she did. I think that's what she did again. I'm just worried we won't be able to find her now.
I know this sounds horrible, but I almost hope something happened to her so we could get custody. SS LOVES his dad and we live in WV so there's woods all around and he loves coming here, he gets to go for 4 wheeler rides and play outside all the time. His mother makes him stay in his room and watch tv. And part of the problem is that she knows how much he love it here so she doesn't want him to come. But SS is getting old enough to understand what his mom is doing so I'm hoping he turns on her and wants to come live with his dad. I know she really doesn't even want custody of him, she just won't let him go because she doesn't want DH to win. She just wants to fight with him.
I'm sorry your husband had to go through that though, the problem with my husband is that he's too nice. He looks at the situation and sees it as "That's my son's mother, I don't want to get her in trouble" even though he hates her lol. I guess it's just the type of person he is I don't know.
He said today he's calling the child support office to see if they know if she moved again. If not he's calling the police to have them go check.
My husband is too nice and said the EXACT same thing. Women like his ex take advantage of that and use men like your DH. They always get screwed and railroaded and he will always be the bad guy. He needs to quit being nice. Because when his child gets older, he won't love his daddy like he does when he's an innocent 2 year old. He starts listening to the awful things his mother says about his father and he believe it. He'll begin to resent his daddy for not being there for him. And mommy doesn't really want him, so guess what - the boy figures that out too and before you know it he's an angry child with serious issues.
You don't have to wish or wait for something to happen to her. YOU DO IT. You do it by fighting and taking custody away from a mother who doesn't want her child. Even if it means going back 3 years and getting witnesses attesting to her wanting and abortion and showing proof that she's now run off and kidnapped and hidden the child twice without your approval or knowledge. It means getting tough with her and doing what's right so that you raise the child in a home where he's wanted.
DH needs to lawyer up. For his CHILD's sake. Not his own.
EXACTLY! I keep trying to make him see that he's only hurting his son while he lets it go on like this. My MIL called a few months ago I think it was around christmas to talk to SS, and he said "daddy doesn't love me anymore that's why he's not coming to get me" MIL just said "no he loves you very much! mommy just makes it hard for him to come get you!"
It's just REALLY hard for me to go through this, I know she doesn't really want him and I know DH and I would give him a good life and a good home.
How old is his son?
You have said in several post that she didn't want him and thats why your DH wants full custody. Just because she originaly didnt want to have a baby does not mean that she has not bonded with him.
As well as you have never said she was a bad parent.
If he has known up until recently were his son is why didn't he go and enforce his visitation.
Me and my EX were back in forth in court for 6yrs. Living in the same state at some point 4 states away. You fight for your children no matter the cost when you have to.
He's 6 years old, and the few times DH did get him for visitation he thought he had to stay in his room until he went to bed. He said mommy tells me to stay in my room and not to bother her. She was married for about 2 years and they just recently divorced and she's had a few boyfriends. And DH was married to someone before he married me and as soon as his ex finds out he's with someone new she freaks out and won't let him talk to/see his son. They used to live in CA and he took her to court once, then she moved and we couldn't find her for almost a year. Now we think she moved again. Once when DH called to talk to him and she actually let him, he said something that must have set her off and she freaked out and started screaming "You and your dad are the reason I can't have the life I wanted!! You just ruined my life!"
Does that sound like a good parent?
We're trying to take her back to court but we can't find a lawyer that will represent him since he's in a different state. I don't know why that matters?
This doesn't make any sense. Divorced parents living in different states and going to court over custody is not out of the ordinary. How many lawyers have you guys contacted? Plain and simple, you guys are not doing enough to fight for this child. Not to be too direct or mean, but stop making excuses and putting things off and take some action.
I've never heard of this. DH fought his custody battle in a different state. None of the lawyers we spoke with had an issue with us being out of state. It's fairly common in family law cases. I'm beginning to suspect that he lies to you.
And, damn, I feel sorry for this kid. He's got one angry parent and one nearly apathetic parent.