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Parenting after 35
Strunella
member
Good sleepers/bad sleepers
Strunella
member
I've been wondering lately how much of a child's good/bad sleep habits are created by the parents and how much is just a child's personality. From what I've read, it seems like it is one of the few things parents can control...or not? I've been blessed with a great sleeper, but I don't really feel like I've done anything. DS went into his crib at 3 months; we try to follow a nightly ritual (though, sometimes we get off track); I let him fuss a few minutes until he soothes himself to sleep. That's about it.
Thoughts?
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Re: Good sleepers/bad sleepers
Margaux is an awesome, heavy sleeper... in our bed.
Our hope is that we can get both the girls in their own beds at the same time, Millie in her crib and Margaux in her little-girl bed, when Millie's about 3 months old. Cosleeping with bigger M has been sweet and snuggly, but we have no room for two babies in there!
If the parents control then we did a crappy job. M has always been a reaaaallllly bad sleeper. He slept in a cradle in our room for the first month and was up all. the. time.
We moved him to our bed after that because it was easier to nurse him back to sleep and not move him. We did that until around 7 months, moved him to his crib in our room. He still woke up all the damn time but we didn't want him crawling off the bed.
He got a bit better after a year, but he's still not awesome. He doesn't usually go to sleep until close to 10. We have a good routine - chat, bath, read in bed, read again once he's in his crib - he just won't sleep if he's not tired. Then he wakes up around 8 am.
Better than his many phases of waking up around 6.
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I kind of think it's a combination. Ellie was always a good night sleeper even though we didn't necessarily do all the things you're supposed to. For example, we always rocked her to sleep and then gently laid her in the crib without waking her, but for the most part she would stay asleep all night (once she got past about 4 months old). I know you are supposed to put them down awake so they aren't confused when they have their partial wakening during their sleep cycles and then they wake up all the way and cry. So I think we were just lucky with that. But she was always a terrible napper, and I think it's because we weren't consistent with our schedule or routine.
On the other hand, with Noah, we did pretty much the same thing as with Ellie because he always fell asleep while nursing, but he would wake up a little more often at night and it would take 2 HOURS to get him back to bed and that was with rocking and pacing and all that. And then he started pulling the same crap when going to bed at night and I was starting to lose it, so one night I just put him in his crib and let him CIO, and he was asleep in 20 minutes, only cried for about 5 then gradually settled himself down. And we kept doing the same thing each night and now he goes right into the crib after nursing and just puts himself to sleep. If he wakes up at night, he fusses for a couple minutes and puts himself back to sleep. And he can be put down awake for naps too now. So I think that is also evidence that we needed to create those habits with him.
Funny that you post this. We're going through something in our house that addresses this.
My son has been a bad sleeper from birth. He was a paci baby and would wake repeatedly to have it put back in. It went on for months and even CIO didn't work with him. He's very stubborn and crying made him more angry and woke him more up. He had lots of ear infections, so he would wake 6 times a night. I ended up having to sleep with him and nurse constantly for any of us to sleep. He didn't STTN until 17 months and then only did it for a few months. He still wakes most nights at least once and sometimes comes into our bed.
My daughter, on the other hand, STTN the first time at 7 weeks and fell into a nice sleep pattern very early on. She's a thumb sucker, so could self soothe. She only hit a bad sleep pattern the last 2 months or so with teething. She will CIO for naps with minimal crying and last night we did the first night of not getting her when she wakes (she started waking every 2-3 hours and needing to be nursed to dead-asleep). It doesn't take much crying for her to go back to sleep.
We didn't do anything different with the kids. Only difference is them. I do think that one being a paci baby and the other being a thumb sucker made a huge difference.
I don't know. I think my daughter is a very good sleeper, but I don't feel like MH or I had anything to do with it. I don't know. She had a typical newborn sleep pattern when she first came; she slept in our room, in her RnP. She started sleeping at night for 6 hr stretches maybe at 2.5 months. We moved her into her crib in her own room at 3 months and she started sleeping even longer.
We did start a bedtime routine as soon as she was able to take baths. She gets a bath every night (soap & shampoo every other night), a lotion rub down, a bottle, then a story, then I put her down in her crib (starting putting her down while she's awake around the 4 month mark--no issues with this so far, knock wood).
For a few months she would go to sleep between 8-8:30 PM and wake up between 5-6 AM the next morning. Over the last few weeks, she's changed her bedtime to 7:30 and still sleeps until 5-6 AM the next morning. I'm a little sad that she's going to sleep earlier, because I've gone back to work & that earlier bedtime means less time spent with her. But I'm sure she needs the sleep. She's not much of a napper, but she sleeps through the night (which I totally appreciate).
My oldest in an unbelievable sleeper.. he started sleeping through the night at 2 months old & never looked back (he slept with us in bed until 2 months old, but then had to be moved into his own sleep quarters).. when he is up it is for a good reason.
My middle son is still a bit of a nightmare, he has gotten better.. but can still get up 1 or 2 times per week. It is all my fault ; ) It was way easier to bring him to bed with us! But he no longer asks to sleep with us, but sometimes asks us to lay with him (not to fall asleep, but in the middle of the night). He co-slept with us for the first 4-6 months.
My youngest is awesome too.. It took him a little longer to sleep through the night - closer to a year.. but he loves his crib so much ; ) He is actually the best sleeper of everyone in the house right now. He co-slept with us for the first 4-6 months too.
I do think a lot of it is just personality.. I let my middle son get away with it.. it seems like he needed us then & I have no regrets giving in to him. He will grow out of this phase ; )
I totally agree. I have 4 fantastic sleepers and one sleep nightmare. E is the sleep nightmare that can sometimes be up until 11pm, up again at 6am, and not nap at all. This has been ongoing since she was a toddler, and was never a consistent sleeper as a baby. Oh, and she still wakes at night. It's frustrating when at 11 she comes through and asks what's up, and is not at all tired. Totally the opposite of L who STTN at 6 weeks, and had a consistant sleep and nap schedule right after that (no matter where you were). Before the teen years, I could have set my clock by him.
Edit to add: There has been little that I've done that seriously affected their sleep patterns. Best I could do was stick to a routine, and help them with good sleep habits, but it never worked on E.
I think it's 90% personality, 10% routine/outside influence. DD is a terrible sleeper and I could write a book about all the things we've tried (with no success). I really just believe that she is not wired to sleep heavily for a long block of time. It is just not in her. I suspect that even as an adult, she will be a light sleeper who wakes a lot and doesn't sleep as long as everyone else. It's just who she is.
I think there are definitely things you can do to make a good sleeper worse, but IMO every kid has a kind of baseline pattern that is normal for them and you can't do much to shift that.
HA HA Stever! We are in the exact same boat. T has NEVER been a great sleeper. And I mean from day one. So I guess we did a crap job too