Coming to terms.

g00dg0llymsm0lly · September 2011

Before DD was born, I was totally prepared for a natural birth; med free, intervention free, "my body will know what to do" etc. I went to classes, read all the books, made DH read them too, etc lol. And I feel terrible for saying this, but I'll admit my hypocrisy- I had this view of Csections as being mostly unnecessary; due to bad judgement, too many interventions too soon, or because women were being "too posh to push." One line in particular stuck with me after watching the film "The Business of Being Born, it went something like this: "If there are no love hormones released during birth, how can there be love?" That one brainwashing line was what drove me to withstand almost a week of early labor contractions (5 minutes apart, a minute long each) and to return home to "labor naturally" each time my doctor offered to induce me to speed things along.

Then reality hit me in the face, and after 12 hours of pitocin I gave in when a Csection was brought up. I had a perfectly healthy baby, I fed her, my milk came in, everything seemed to go as I had planned aside from the Csection. I had a long recovery, but I really haven't given much thought to my Csection since then. It's just become a fact, with few emotional attachments or regrets left.

But then today I was thinking about that movie, and about how Csections are portrayed in some of our culture in general. Csections are seen as celebrity births, done to "keep your lady bits from being ruined," or people assume that they come with a tummy tuck at the end. I haven't personally received any negative feedback in regards to my section, but there have been few people I've shared the details with aside from my close friends and family. I still don't think unnecessary Csections by choice are a smart alternative; some of those women I feel don't understand how serious of a procedure it is; but my views on Csections in general have done a complete 180 since having one myself. Without it, DD might never have been born, or could have been born still or injured. I've come to terms with the fact that all future babies will be sections, and I don't feel like I missed out on anything. I gave birth just as legitimately as anyone else, and I am proud of myself and grateful that we live in an age where we can use surgery to save babies and moms.

I'm not sure what my point is;, I guess the whole point of this is that I was thinking about that line from that movie, and I can't believe that I ever bought that load of crap. I am in awe that I ever was worried that I wouldn't love my baby enough because of the way she was born! Hormones-shmormones, I LOVE this baby more than anything in the entire world. Thank god for Csections, and I hope future moms-to-be who wind up with one are less ignorant and judgmental as I was Embarrassed

lilylow · September 2011

That whole movie just angered me.

It was very one sided.

mamainseptember · September 2011

I completely understand where you are coming from. I knew from when we got our BFP that I was having a section. I have kidney issues and my kidney's couldn't handle the pressure of laboring so it was scheduled early on. I still went to the classes, read the books and wondered what it would be like to "give birth naturally." I was hoping that I'd still go into labor and at least experience some aspect of natural birth because I felt like I was taking the easy way out. I talked to some women who had given birth vaginally and some that had given birth via section and they all told me that no matter how you bring your baby into the world it is still giving birth and I wasn't taking the "easy way out." All of my future children will be sections as well, but I am glad that I came to grips with it early on because it could have been seriously rough. DS was a happy, healthy 8 lbs 11 oz and I'm glad for the technology of c-sections because without it my body wouldn't have been able to deliver a baby.

novilise · September 2011

I understand! My first was natural labor that went great (even though he was posterior) for the first 8cm, but then he became stuck...and oh, my! I never thought I'd be so thankful for a c-section.

I've never understood the appeal of that movie. Maybe if you don't know much about different birthing options? I guess that makes sense. I already read so much during my first pregnancy and then so much more (VBAC's and c-sections) for my second. It didn't seem to be that well made, either.

But I don't remember that line! Wow! That is a doozy!

iris427 · September 2011

Yes, there was another line in that movie about how sheep that give birth by c/s don't bond with their lambs. Um, OK, but we aren't sheep. A difficult or traumatic birth--vaginal or cesarean--can complicate bonding in the initial days and weeks, but it's ridiculous to equate a c-section with loving your baby less.

I am all about access to natural birth, VBAC and choices. But I think natural birth advocates do women a huge disservice when they portray c/s and medical interventions as inherently negative. I was upset for a long time about my c/s and I still have some negative feelings about it. But overall I'm grateful for how I've grown as a person from that experience.

ladipale · September 2011

It has been extremely difficult for me to come to terms with my C-section. Like OP, I planned for a natural birth. I have a lot of guilt and blame myself for getting an epidural and then needing a C-section. I feel like a failure. I'm actually attending my first ICAN meeting tomorrow.

iris427 · September 2011

ladipale:
It has been extremely difficult for me to come to terms with my C-section. Like OP, I planned for a natural birth. I have a lot of guilt and blame myself for getting an epidural and then needing a C-section. I feel like a failure. I'm actually attending my first ICAN meeting tomorrow.

I felt this way for a long time too. I wanted a natural water birth and instead I had an induction, epidural, cesarean. I hope you can find some peace with how the birth went. Remember to be kind to yourself--you wouldn't blame another woman for her choices, so try to extend the same amount of understanding to yourself.

abba916 · September 2011

TBoBB pissed me off to no end especially since I watched it recently when i became pregnant with #2...I went into my birth open-minded and although it ended in a section I didnt feel any less bonded with my baby....and I'm thrilled to be a repeat with this Baby...

I really don't understand all the "hating" on c-sections and medical intervention...

Sundrup23 · September 2011

I just think people are naive in thinking that while doing your "research", only studying one side of things is actually called research. KWIM?? If you were truly into making the right choice or preparing yourself for all the what if's of birth, you would study all possibilities.

Although I have never seen the film, I have heard that it is very one sided.

I was a naive one with my first. I had this ideal in my head that I wouldn't need a c-section so why even read up on that part. I had no idea what to expect when I came out of that surgery room with my belly stitched up. I was totally unprepared. But my son wouldn't be here if I hadn't had the section...so I thank God every day that I had the option to choose medical intervention to save my son's life.

I too think that our society puts too much emphasis on what is considered natural in terms of giving birth. With or without meds, etc. You also couldn't say that your children were "born" without giving birth, so why is having a c-section not considered giving birth??

Sorry if that was confusing...just venting :-)

laurasuzanne2006 · September 2011

despite having a c-section, i do still like TBOBB. I think the idea of it was to try and be informative about birth options, but i can see how it comes off very negatively. I also was planning a completely natural birth and ended up with a c-section. I am disappointed i didn't get the birth i planned, but i feel it was absolutely necessary for my safety. Even before being induced we knew there was a very high probability of a c-section, but at this point i just feel good that i gave the induction a try. I had a middle aged friend give me a flowery warm fuzzy lecture how i didn't fail, which really made me mad because i didn't feel like i failed, my body was not ready to give birth and without delivering i wouldn't be here today. I think c'sections tend to be overgeneralized, despite the fact they happen for many reason, Not everyone feels the same after having a c-section.

ladipale · September 2011

iris427:
ladipale:
It has been extremely difficult for me to come to terms with my C-section. Like OP, I planned for a natural birth. I have a lot of guilt and blame myself for getting an epidural and then needing a C-section. I feel like a failure. I'm actually attending my first ICAN meeting tomorrow.
I felt this way for a long time too. I wanted a natural water birth and instead I had an induction, epidural, cesarean. I hope you can find some peace with how the birth went. Remember to be kind to yourself--you wouldn't blame another woman for her choices, so try to extend the same amount of understanding to yourself.

So true.... I am way too hard on myself, all.the.time, not just with the birth. I'm working on it.

beautifulstr13 · September 2011

I didnt get any negative feed back before I had my c-section. In fact my birth plan was very much "whatever needs to be done." Whats funny is that now almost 2 years later I feel very different. We are going to be trying to conceive soon and it has really been eating at me. My doctor doesnt do vbac so I'm preparing myself for a repeat c-section. At the same time I'm starting to feel like I missed out on the experience. Dont get me wrong I have no problem with c-sections but for me personally I was surprised that I did end up feeling like I didnt get to experience everything vaginal birth had to offer.

Mrs_MBed · September 2011

Sundrup23:
I just think people are naive in thinking that while doing your "research", only studying one side of things is actually called research. KWIM?? If you were truly into making the right choice or preparing yourself for all the what if's of birth, you would study all possibilities.
Although I have never seen the film, I have heard that it is very one sided.
I was a naive one with my first. I had this ideal in my head that I wouldn't need a c-section so why even read up on that part. I had no idea what to expect when I came out of that surgery room with my belly stitched up. I was totally unprepared. But my son wouldn't be here if I hadn't had the section...so I thank God every day that I had the option to choose medical intervention to save my son's life.
I too think that our society puts too much emphasis on what is considered natural in terms of giving birth. With or without meds, etc. You also couldn't say that your children were "born" without giving birth, so why is having a c-section not considered giving birth??
Sorry if that was confusing...just venting :-)

Very well put. I was planning on doing a non-epi delivery as they were not covered by insurance unless having a c/s. When my doc kept going on and on about how big DD1 was, I started doing research on c/s as I'm petite and was concerned about whether or not she would fit. I'm glad that I did as I FTP, even after hours on pitocin and she ended up getting stuck in my pelvis. So stuck that she had an indentation on her forehead from my pubic bone & the doc and to push her back up in order to get her out.

While I am concerned about the increasing number of inductions and the high c/s rate, I acknowledge that there is a need for this. Due to the increased number of women needing infertility treatments, there is an increased number of multiples being born - most who need to be delivered via c/s. Also, with obesity rates as high as they are, more women with obesity-related health concerns are having babies as well.

LadyXaverian · September 2011

lilylow:
That whole movie just angered me.
It was very one sided.

Yes, I roll my eyes every time someone recommends it, and that was even before I had my c/s and was still planning for an intervention-free delivery.

cecilia1898 · September 2011

I just have to thank you for saying/writing what you said/wrote. I am scheduled for a c-section at the end of this month because the baby is breech and will likely stay that way. I still hope that the baby will turn, but I'm trying to be realistic. I also have gestational diabetes so there was a very real possibility of me having to have a c-section anyway so I've been coming to terms with it for quite awhile.

I do have to say that I'm disappointed that there is a real possibility that I won't experience "labor" like my friends and I am really annoyed with hearing how "lucky" I will be to avoid labor.

annabelle.27 · September 2011

I sort of get what you mean. I watched that movie yesterday for the first time and wasn't impressed with it. It didn't bother me, I was just kind of "meh" about it. I planned a natural birth, and after three hours of unmedicated pushing with zero progress, I got the c-section. I don't regret it. I have often wondered what might have happened if a c-section wasn't available, or if I had refused it- would he have found his way out? Maybe. But honestly, I was too tired to care at that point. I'm always confused by women who compare c-sections to being raped or something else and talk about heaps of emotional trauma.

I believe that interventions as a whole are over-prescribed: inductions because moms are approaching 40 weeks (my doctor started suggesting one at 37 or 38 weeks, for no reason other than that he thought I must be ready to have the baby out already), pitocin to speed up healthy labours, being told to push in only one position, episiotomies, etc. I'm tentatively planning a vbac and really want to avoid all those things, but if I end up with another c-section I won't be sad.

pepomntpat · September 2011

I am glad I didn't watch that movie. I knew it was propaganda and I just avoided it despite all the glowing recommendations. What a horrible disservice to women who need c-sections to have healthy babies or be healthy themselves.

I did read all the books and plan for a med free birth. I looked at it as though I was doing what was best for my baby. Keeping her little body free of drugs was what was best as long as she was healthy. When she was no longer 100%, then it was no longer best and the c/s was what was best for my child. I am completely okay with the c/s. I will plan for a VBAC with any future children though. I still think that a vaginal med free birth is the healthiest way for most women to birth their babies.

Want a personalized experience?

Coming to terms.

Re: Coming to terms.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards