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Leaning towards one and done

nicobean1nicobean1 member
in Parenting after a Loss

I'm starting to think we won't have any more. We're totally in love with our one beautiful boy, and there's so much unknown with having a 2nd.

I'm on the fence. I guess I'm just not ready. But at 37, I feel the crunch. Maybe it's cause I'm tired and I don't feel well. Le sigh.

 

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Re: Leaning towards one and done

  • SonadoraSonadora member

    I'm with you on the fence. We can offer a lot to B. Spread that over 2 kids and we just don't have as much to offer to either of them in a financial sense or really even timewise, especially once you take the cost of 2 daycare payments out of our income at $1300-$1700 a pop depending on age. Our jobs are very demanding with long hours and work on the weekends and often over holidays as well.

     

    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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  • nicobean1nicobean1 member
    imageSonadora:

    I'm with you on the fence. We can offer a lot to B. Spread that over 2 kids and we just don't have as much to offer to either of them in a financial sense or really even timewise, especially once you take the cost of 2 daycare payments out of our income at $1300-$1700 a pop depending on age. Our jobs are very demanding with long hours and work on the weekends and often over holidays as well.

     

    Financially, for sure. But it's more than that. Mentally, I don't know if I could do it. It scares the daylights out of me. And the sleep thing (that is, not having any) scares me.

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  • StrunellaStrunella member

    If our family wasn't so ridiculously small, I could see just having DS.  But as it stands now, he will have no cousins.  I just want him to have some family when DH and I are no longer here.  Thus, here we are, TTC #2.

    FWIW, I am an only child and I turned out fine.  I have more friends then I can count and grew up perfectly content with a nice lifestyle that my parents could afford because they had one child.   I do have cousins though, so I didn't miss out on an extended family. 

     
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  • nicobean1nicobean1 member
    imageStrunella:

    If our family wasn't so ridiculously small, I could see just having DS.  But as it stands now, he will have no cousins.  I just want him to have some family when DH and I are no longer here.  Thus, here we are, TTC #2.

    FWIW, I am an only child and I turned out fine.  I have more friends then I can count and grew up perfectly content with a nice lifestyle that my parents could afford because they had one child.   I do have cousins though, so I didn't miss out on an extended family. 

    DS has lots of cousins, and his cousin who lives in town is only 3 months older. They are together today at the grandparents.

    Good to know that you felt okay about being an only child. My SIL likes to tell me that her friends who were only children hated it.

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  • Ehoff33Ehoff33
    My DH feels the same way, he could be done. I dont feel it but I get why some do. I am sorry you feel more pressure because of your age. Hope you come to a decision soon and easily. 
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  • SonadoraSonadora member
    Oh yea, the sleep deprivation thing is no joke. I just don't know that I can do this part again. I don't feel like a good parent with little sleep. I feel like an annoyed biotch with no patience.
    BFP #1 9/23/09. Missed MC 10w3d D&C 11/3/09.

    BFP #2 4/13/10. Bridget born 12/28/10

    BFP #3 Finn born 8/11/15


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    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt1cb8c4.aspx[/img][/url]


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  • HElizabethDUHElizabethDU
    I am an only child and that is probably my main reason driving me towards two.  Not only would I have liked a play mate growing up, I also find it to be hard that I will have to care for my parents when they age by myself, and that is a pretty big burden to bear, in my opinion.
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  • cindybafcindybaf
    While I think DH would be fine with just LO, I think I will try again. Not hard core, and not to the point where I lose myself in ttc. LO definitely keeps us active, and fulfilled as her parents. But I want her to experience having a sibling, I believe I may regret not at least giving it one more shot.
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  • shall923shall923 member

    imageHElizabethDU:
    I am an only child and that is probably my main reason driving me towards two.  Not only would I have liked a play mate growing up, I also find it to be hard that I will have to care for my parents when they age by myself, and that is a pretty big burden to bear, in my opinion.

    DH is and only child and he feels the same way you do. He doesn't have anyone to help when it comes to his parents. Also, there isn't anyone else to take their crap. By that I mean all the stuff that they think is important to keep like old dishes and what not, we are the only ones that get it. With my family I have a sister and two cousins so the crap is spread around. MIL has 2 china cabinets and FIL (they are divorced) has his own stuff that DH is supposed to get and keep. He doesn't want K to be an only child.

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