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We got a diagnosis .. update & questions
So I posted here a long while back about my concerns with my daughter, Imogen, possibly having autism. Well, we finally got in to see the developmental ped. & she confirmed that she is high-functioning autistic (please don't ask me where on the spectrum she is, the Dr "didn't want to put a label on her"). We've been having her in speech therapy since March & occupational since June & she has shown some improvements. We also started her on a gluten free diet 2 months ago ( which is kinda hard to do in this town) & she's been a lot happier.
Now that I've got the backstory out of the way, Imogen turned 2 on Sunday & someone suggested that we should start potty training her. She still doesn't communicate when she is soiled very often (sometimes she'll lay on the diaper pad, but half the time she's not even dirty). I've heard that rushing potty training could cause psychological damage to young kids & "she'll let me know when she's ready" .. but how will I know if she can't even tell me she is dirty with consistency?
I don't even know where to begin!! Any books y'all could recommend or personal stories to share? Thanks!
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Re: We got a diagnosis .. update & questions
Personally, even with a typical child I wouldn't potty train until they're ready. I'm not sure about doing psychological harm but it most likely won't even work.
Why does she have to be potty trained? 2 is still pretty early. My nephews are typical and they're just day time potty trained now at 3.
why take someone else's advice for your child? Follow her cues.
I'm sorry to hear of her dx. Even when we expected it with DS, it still was a bit of a blow to have it confirmed. It sounds like you have some great things in place for her!
Regarding potty training, I have the same questions! DS is nearly 3.5 and seems nowhere close to being able to communicate the need to potty. He still wakes up wet in the morning and after naps, so I'm just not sure he's ready yet. I do get the occasional comment about it, but I have enough on my plate without stressing us both out about the potty if it's just not going to happen yet. Eager to see what others have to say.
I don't expect her to be potty trained just yet, I just wanted to know other's parents advice & suggestions. Her ST recommended we start, but she's not even interested yet. I didn't know if there is a starting point & when should we start at start. (Even I'm confused by me now
) I'm not trying to force her, or expect anything from her. I'm letting her be uniquely Imogen 
My oldest was a breeze! But she's also not on the ASD, so it was different. I don't know how to approach potty training with Imogen because of her minimal communication. We want to look at daycare/childcare starting sometime this year, but we're still iffy because she is on the gluten free diet & most places (if not all here) won't allow you to bring food from home. Headstart might be different, but we decided to wait until she was 3 for that because she wouldn't be getting OT or ST any longer.
The diagnosis actually didn't upset me .. the waiting & wondering & the millions of "what ifs" did. I actually was totally cool with it because no matter what she is still my cuppycakeface & now I know what to do to make her life happy. It's parenting.. you just take it all in stride, do whatcha gotta, & reinvent the wheel a few times.
You sound like you've got the right attitude... this dx doesn't change who she is at all... it just hopefully gives you a little guidance to best help her succeed.
Re: potty training... I'm not sure what the ST's motivation is in suggesting you start so soon... just-turned-two is young even by typical standards to potty train- and if she's not even giving you any signs, I'd think you're setting the both of you up for a lot of stress and frustration. DD just turned 4 this week, and we finally got her PT'd about 2 months ago. She still wasn't consistently telling me when she was soiled, but she had so many other skills she could tap into (listening, following rules/routines, responding to rewards, etc.)- skills she certainly didn't have at two. I'd be singing a different tune if she was giving you all these signs that she was ready to rock and roll on the potty training front, but that just doesn't seem to be the case. For now, just focus on all the new resources and stuff that you can introduce into her life to make her (and you!) happier and more successful.
My DS has speech delays (have appt. with dev. pedi in November) and I'm not starting potty training yet. Even if his speech was typical, a lot of boys don't start this early. I'm waiting for more words/communication before starting.
That being said, I do have a potty chair (Baby Bjorn) and DS likes to sit in it while I go to the bathroom. He even says "Poop!" whenever I sit down. LOL So I think getting a potty is a good idea.
Bronx Zoo: Summer 2013
To read my blog, click on the giraffe pic below!
I, too, have had lots of outside pressure to potty-train. My feeling is that with most kids, but particularly MY son, is that you can't force them to eat, sleep, or pee/poop. But you can put so much pressure on these areas that it bites you in the ass.
That said, I'm getting awfully sick of changing his diapers. He's never peed or pooped in the potty. Not a single drop. And he has actually tried. I'm in the process of starting in-home parent training from the autism center and our trainer is great -- mother of 4, including a child with ASD, so I'm hopefully she'll help me find the right currency so that he will learn to do it.