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my intro / vent / why do the things he say still hurt/surprise me

gloriacbestgloriacbest member
in Single Parents
so we're not married, and once he found out i was expecting he said he'd be supportive, not a deadbeat dad, etc.  two weeks later we're not dating, he 'can't' have a kid, nobody is to know, etc.  i never planned on this happening especially not this way.  i think his parents should know.  they live across the street from me and they're going to notice i'm pregnant soon.  he's young - we both are.  i'm twenty four and he'll be twenty one in november.  any advice?  most of my family knows i'm expecting.  i'm just tired of our conversations.  makes me hope for the like one percent chance that he's not the father.
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Re: my intro / vent / why do the things he say still hurt/surprise me

  • mama bear of 2mama bear of 2

    Sorry you are dealing with this.

     

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  • MsAng02MsAng02

    so we're not married, and once he found out i was expecting he said he'd be supportive, not a deadbeat dad, etc.  two weeks later we're not dating, he 'can't' have a kid, nobody is to know, etc.  i never planned on this happening especially not this way.

    This is me too. He was great the first few months of my pregnancy. And then- not. I think once he figured out that me having his child did not equal me falling in love with him- he became bitter. LO was born in April. He hasn't ever called to check on her or asked to see her. I'm very sorry you're going thru this. You're not alone. The ladies here are super helpful and give great advice.

    For what it's worth I think you should let his parents know. It's their grandchild. You don't have to speak with him.

    And my advice to you is to get an attorney. Now. Don't wait. Trust me. And document every single thing. Get your paperwork for CS in order now.

    Also- he may think *no one is to know*- but don't let him badger you. You can't hide a child. And why would anyone want to ? It's a CHILD!

    Keep your chin up!

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  • bbflynycbbflynyc
    Hi,  I'm in pretty much the same boat although the "I will be there for you both" lasted about a week.  He agreed to ttc plans, then when it happened on the first shot, decided it was a terrible idea!  We've been talking about details a little bit, and this weekend I suggested we sign a formal waiver of his parental rights and obligations, although we could always mutually figure out a way to work together from the pregnancy to the eventual child rearing and visitation.  It was meant as an act of good will so he would stop at least the CS part of his freak out and focus on the great news of a baby.  Anyway, his response was, no way would I sign away my ability to take the baby away from you if you suffer post partum depression or something.  Nice!  Maybe he doesn't watch nature channels, but I don't think it's at all smart to tell a mommy you *might* want to take away her baby!!!  I guess I think we need to focus on making pregnancy good for us and for the baby -- if the father is adding stress not reducing it, it's probably good in the long run that the relationship is ending.  I agree about thinking of what you need -- CS, a lawyer, venting.  Good luck to you.  I completely know how you feel about being hurt and surprised!
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