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Stopping BF and feeling guilty

KareninKarenin member
in July 2011 Moms

DS is 2 months old. He started out in the NICU for a few days and even though we worked on nursing (they had to supplement with formula) during those first days, he has NEVER nursed so I finally gave up and started EP. He has been eating mostly breastmilk but some formula too ever since then. but now I've decided to stop. Pumping has been making me extremely frustrated for week- I feel tied to the pump, there isnever time to do much or go anywhere before I haveto pump again, it's doubling the time and effort of BF, I had mastitis 2 weeks in, and my breasts- 34D pre-pregnancy- are insanely huge.  So, I've decided to stop. (which will take a while since I have to essentially wean off of pumping to prevent plugged ducts or another bout of mastitis.) The thing is, I feel really guilty, like I'm selfishly given my baby the lesser of two options. I think maybe I could keep this going at least a little longer if I could SAH, but adding work itno the mix just feels completely overwhelming, and after losing my sister so soon before having DS, I just want a break.

Does/has anyone else had guilt associated with not BF or stopping BF?

 

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Re: Stopping BF and feeling guilty

  • aichandaichaichandaich member

    You did great! Keep your head up.

    I'm dreading going back to work for the fear I won't be able to keep up. So I'm feeling guilty in advance.

    LOs pedi yesterday put it to me straight - (paraphrased) the aim is a healthy, happy baby and mom. If you can BF while back to work then great, but there are plenty of healthy babies out there that were FF. The pendulum swings so many different ways and you have to do what is right for your baby, you and your life.

    I know I'll still feel guilty but I think this have given me a little smidgen of peace about it.

    ETA: I missed the part of your story about your sister. So so so sorry for your loss.

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  • mbritto4mbritto4 member
    When I had DD1 I was in your shoes. She didn't take to BF, I absolutely hated pumping, and I lost my mom & grandma soon after I had her. You are feeding your child. They will be fine. My DD1 is an intelligent healthy active child, and is no sicker than her BF peers. I had a bit of a breakdown when my supply dried up after a week of funerals and realized I was fixating on how poorly BF went because it was something I should be able to control. In reality I wasn't fully processing that I'd lost 2 of the most important women in my life. I didn't fully "feel ok" until I got help from a grief counselor. If you are feeling overwhelmingly sad and depressed and you think it's just from BF it's likely not. You may need to talk to someone about losing your sister. For this LO the feelings came flooding back as soon as I hit some bumps in the road so I quit BF pretty early. MH travels so I couldn't let myself slip back into that depressed state. Am I disappointed I didn't have the time/support to make a better go of it? A tiny bit. But my LO is doing great, and I'm doing well balancing my two kids FF just fine.

    I hope whatever you decide you make peace with. Do not beat yourself up. You have to do what is best for your family. I am sorry for the loss of your sister, please seek help if you seem to get another round of what you just assume are "baby blues". Grief and PP hormones together made me a hot mess.

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  • WheeLinTheSky3WheeLinTheSky3 member

    I had/have a lot of guilt about stopping. LO had trouble latching from the beginning. We supplemented from day one but he had mostly breast milk for the first 4 weeks. Between his inability to latch and my supply tanking because the pump was not enough stimulation, getting his tongue clipped, mothers milk, fenugreek, multiple meetings with the lactation consultant I found myself breaking down in the lactation consultants office a few weeks ago. She told me I had tried so many things and it just wasnt working out. She said it was important that I use the word "stop" instead of quit. Meaning I simply decided to stop BF because I wasnt quitting at all, I had tried so hard.

    I gave myself the rest of that day to be sad about it and do what the LC suggested..mourn the fact that I didnt get to BF like I had planned and that things werent working out the way that I had wanted them to. Now, two weeks after stopping, I am so much happier and I think LO is too. He is a happy healthy baby who is thriving and growing just as he should. I spend my time with him and not in another room pumping non stop or holding him to my breast trying to teach him to latch while he cried.

    Before having him I assumed BF was simple and duh why would you do anything else. Then I had him and I was faced with reality. It didnt work out for us, I tried my hardest and in the end I didnt get the result that I had planned for. I have realized that this doesnt make me a bad mom and that my son is happy and that is all that matters. Good luck to you and try to focus on your LO and not the loss of your plan.

     

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  • TikatTikat

    I'm very sorry about your loss! DO NOT BEAT YOURSELF UP! I struggled BF'ing my first and to answer both of your questions - Once I let go of feeling guilty, taking medicine to allow me to keep BF'inf, gaining countless pounds from stress about it...I ended up with a Formula Feed Baby that was just as healthy and well adjusted as I would have thought.

    I'm not sure how often you pump - but in order to get the quickest result I recommend that you at first only remove less milk from your breasts - so say you usually get 4 ounces per breast - stop pumping at 2 - your body will adjust over a couple of days. Once it does you can double the amount of time between pumps and drop a pumping session every other day to three days...with less pumps you may just feel like sticking with it...At the end I only pumped at 6, 10, 2 and 6 and still got a couple of feedings...it kinda eased the guilt...

    If not keep dropping sessions until you are done.

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  • KareninKarenin member

    THANK YOU all so much! It makes me feel better to hear from other people. I mentioned this to my pediatrician at LO's two month appointment today and he was amazing. He gave a great piece of advice- he told that that with children in general, including decisions about BF, the best thing to do is to amke whatever decision is best at the time and then reassess when it's not working anymore. Knowing that you can always adapt to what is best for you will help you not to feel "trapped" in any decision or way of life. It was simple advice but it made me feel so much better!

    DH also told me that under different circumstances, maybe EP would have worked for longer, but that after losing my sister I need to realize that I need to keep my stress as low as possible and take care of myself or the baby will not benefit. That helped a lot too.

    So anyway, thank you for the support!

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