Feelings after unplanned c/s

SarahP15 · August 2011

If you had an unplanned c/s, do you feel sad or upset for not having the birth experience you wanted?

Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy my baby is healthy but I kind of feel slighted for not having a vaginal delivery. There were a lot of things that were important to me - immediate skin-to-skin, letting the cord pulse, holding my baby and bonding with my husband and baby for awhile before our families got to meet him. All this was taken from me. There was no skin-to-skin, there was no cord pulsing and my husband, mom and MIL all got to hold him before I was even out of surgery. I know you can't plan the birth experience because there are so many factors that come into play, but I can't help but feel like I wish things had gone differently.

Anyone else?

ashley0616 · August 2011

I had a really hard time after Olivia was born. I had a very specific birth plan that was tossed and it was really hard for me to accept. My mom held her before I did. There were 20 people waiting for us to come out of recovery, so we rushed it. I didn't feel connected to her at all at the beginning, I just felt robbed. It took me a really long time to get over it, honestly until my second was born.

With Eleanor, I had a c/s birth plan. My mom wasn't there. No one came to the hospital until the day after she was born. They let my DH hold her and keep her in the OR with me for about 10 minutes before they were ushered into recovery to wait for me. I got to touch her and kiss her and he was the only one that held her before I did. We spent a LONG time in recovery, bathing her (me watching), getting a lot of skin-to-skin in, breastfeeding, and bonding. That whole first night it was just us 3 and it was perfect. As perfect as a c/s birth can be.

I guess the moral is you have to use it as a learning experience. You can plan the next one much better knowing what you know. And, if there isn't going to be a next one, then you can accept that you aren't alone in feeling this way and know that it will get better. It's not like you aren't going to have many, many more days with your LO having skin-to-skin, bonding time, special moments. Eventually, you won't be so bitter about the whole thing and the fact that your LO is in your arms will outweigh the disappointment about the birth experience.

sweetie645 · August 2011

I felt that way a little bit with DS1. I was convinced that if I hadn't gotten the epidural, I might not have ended up with a c/s. Who knows if this is true or not.

But...it was soooo much better with DS2, when I had a scheduled c/s. It was so nice to get to the hospital and know what to expect. No waiting to get fully dilated, no pushing for 3 hours for nothing, no being so exhausted I could barely function with my newborn. The hospital I delivered DS2 at really encourages skin-to-skin ASAP, so they had DH hold him against his bare chest while they finished my surgery (DH LOVED this and felt so special and really bonded with DS2 b/c of it). I got to hold him while they wheeled me out of the operating room and I got to bf him in recovery. Completely different experience from the first time and now I no longer have such dreams of a perfect delivery.

Do I wish I could have delivered them both vaginally? Absolutely. But I no longer have dreams about what I could have done differently.

craxyrae · August 2011

My feelings were more guilt and failure. I tried to go into things with low expectations especially since he was late and I had to be induced, but I came out of it wondering what I had done wrong or what was wrong with me that prevented my labour from progressing.

I was a bit upset in the OR that the doctor didn't immediately tell us the sex as we were team green, and the doctors were talking about their weekend plans while digging around in my abdomen. I was, however, lucky to spend time with our little guy in the recovery room with my husband and I was able to breastfeed immediately (even though I was in a bit of a daze).

My thoughts/concerns now almost 4 weeks later are more related to future children and the implications of the c-section on future deliveries.

laurasuzanne2006 · August 2011

I feel disappointed. We were planning a home birth and i ended up being induced for Pre-E. It probably sounds dumb, but i didn't want to be induced for the usual 300 of protein in urine (granted I didn't want it to be completely severe, but i didn't want to just barelly meet the criteria of pre-E and be induced) However my 24 hour urine came back 2040, which was more than my nurse had ever seen a patient have. Had the induction gone well I still would have been able to have the opportunity of having future children at home, (I don't feel comfortable doing a home VBAC). So basically i feel any chances i have of having a home birth are gone, not to mention statistically i have a 30 some percent chance of having severe pre-E again. At the same time i ended up with the c-section because after 22 hours of pitocin my cervix was still closed, high, and thick. When the doctor did the c-section he had to look around for her, she hadn't gone into position and just wouldn't have been ready for any form of induction, and my platelets had started to drop, they were 98000 when we agreed to the c-section, i was starting to go into HELLP. So as disappointed as I am, I feel like the c-section was 100% necessary. The chances of her being ready to come on her own even within a few days was slim to none, and due to my health status I didn't have much time we could really have waited it out.

shibby00 · August 2011

I think it's perfectly normal to have feelings of disappointment after an unplanned c/s. I labored for 18 hours and pushed for just under 4 before having my c/s and I was traumatized by the whole thing. I threw up during surgery and had a panic attack and don't even remember seeing my DD until much later in recovery. I had so many feelings of regret, disappointment, and anger. I got PPD and in therapy for that I worked through all those feelings. I felt like my body let me down and didn't do what it was designed to do. One thing that I made sure my DH knew was to NOT let ANYONE hold her until I got to. He didn't but I can only imagine how much that must have hurt you! I really recommend talking to someone not necessarily a therapist, but a friend who has been through it and understands. I'm trying very hard to be that person to my friends who have c/s. Good luck and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling!

PhotoCat82 · August 2011

I have also had a very difficult time after my unplanned c/s. I was planning on delivering med-free at a freestanding birth center. After 6 hours of pushing, it turned into an emergency situation for both of us. My DH then had to drive me to the hospital 35 minutes away while I was at 10 cm and pushing. (There was nothing I could do to stop the pushing.)

I feel like a failure. I feel like it's my fault for "hyping" up her birth, meaning I was not prepared at all for a c-section. I feel like a failure as a woman for not being able to "birth" my baby. I am disappointed that DH wasn't able to catch her, we weren't allowed to let the cord finish pulsating, I was unable to see the placenta, we were unable to do skin to skin right away, I was unable to breast feed right away, the list could go on. I think it made recovery even worse. I was so upset that I could not get up out of bed to go to my baby.

The one positive thing that came out of it (other than a healthy baby of course), is that I was absolutely determined to breastfeed. I felt that I had failed at birth, so I was not going to fail at breastfeeding!

clarks415 · August 2011

I had a hard time after my c-section. I wanted that moment of having the baby put on my chest, no drugs, I pushed for 2.5 hours before being taken into a c-section. I felt like a failure. Why couldn't my body work properly? Women do this all over the world everyday? What is wrong with me?

I had a brief lite depression about the whole thing. But then I just focused my energy on the things I could do that I wanted. I could breastfeed so I did - for 18 months!

I knew I was blessed everything was okay with my son and myself. But people do not realize how hard the recovery is and how scary and risky the surgery is. I know how you feel, it really helped me to focus on other things that I had planned for after the birth that I could do.

Gummybear · August 2011

I personally was not affected that much with my unplanned c/s because I had absolutely no expectations or plans for birth other than to have a take home baby. I almost expected it because I had very little faith in my abilities to actually have children. The only thing that bothered me was the entire family got to see her before I did.

I didn't realize how much I had missed out on until my second c/s. I have to hand it to my hospital, they have really done a good job updating their policies. Yes, they have a high c/s rate, but they also deliver tons of HOMs and have a Level III NICU, so that comes with the territory. My c/s last month was AMAZING.

- I was not strapped down

- DH was invited on the other side of the curtain to watch the birth

- DH was invited to cut the cord

- They brought me my placenta and discussed it's state with me

- As soon as she was APGARed and weighed and quickly wiped and I was stitched, she was placed naked on my chest for skin to skin and breastfeeding

- She was with me in recovery the entire time and did not go to the nursery until I had approved her to do so

It was a wonderful experience. So even though I did not push her out, I feel like I got many of the benefits of a vaginal birth. I think discussing these things beforehand with your Dr. and having a plan is a great idea. There are hospitals out there that will work with you

lob · August 2011

SarahP15:
If you had an unplanned c/s, do you feel sad or upset for not having the birth experience you wanted?

Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy my baby is healthy but I kind of feel slighted for not having a vaginal delivery. There were a lot of things that were important to me - immediate skin-to-skin, letting the cord pulse, holding my baby and bonding with my husband and baby for awhile before our families got to meet him. All this was taken from me. There was no skin-to-skin, there was no cord pulsing and my husband, mom and MIL all got to hold him before I was even out of surgery. I know you can't plan the birth experience because there are so many factors that come into play, but I can't help but feel like I wish things had gone differently.

Anyone else?

Same with the bolded. So sorry that others got to hold your baby before you did. I really did not like my c-section experience either.

2-Step · August 2011

SarahP15:

If you had an unplanned c/s, do you feel sad or upset for not having the birth experience you wanted?

Don't get me wrong, I am so very happy my baby is healthy but I kind of feel slighted for not having a vaginal delivery. There were a lot of things that were important to me - immediate skin-to-skin, letting the cord pulse, holding my baby and bonding with my husband and baby for awhile before our families got to meet him. All this was taken from me. There was no skin-to-skin, there was no cord pulsing and my husband, mom and MIL all got to hold him before I was even out of surgery. I know you can't plan the birth experience because there are so many factors that come into play, but I can't help but feel like I wish things had gone differently.

Anyone else?

I felt exactly the same way and had a very similar experience. When I would feel bad about it I would, in turn, feel guilty for not just being happy that DS was healthy. I felt like that should be good enough for me, but it still took awhile to get over it all.

This time I will have more control becuase my c-section will be planned. I feel better about it and will not have other people holding the baby before me etc. I have explored all my options and am finally ok with the idea that I won't experience a vaginal birth. Hearing two of my girlfriends talk about their 3rd degree tears actually helped a little

Thanks for posting this, it's nice to know others feel the same way.

canthardlywait426 · August 2011

My c/s was hard for me emotionally. I had to have an emergency c/s but knew about it about 24 hours before it happened and didn't have to labor at all before finding out. I went in for my weekly u/s and they saw that I had basically no amniotic fluid left. So at least I knew about it.

My hospital stay is what was hard for me. After I delivered I barely touched my son before he was wisked away. DH went with him as I wanted, but it would be another 4 hours before I'd see them. Nothing was wrong with me. They jist left me in the recovery room and there was nobody available to wheel me to my room. My husband got to spend 4 hours holding our son and showing him off to everyone before I even saw him. Nobody told me how he was, what he weighed, nothing. It was incredibly traumatic for me.

Dreamofmusic768 · August 2011

My c/s was not particularly hard on me initially. I understood the necessity of having it done for the health and welfare of my son, and while I knew there would be hurdles I was prepared to deal with them. The hardest part was well after I was sent home. I saw an OB in our practice who I am convinced knew that I had an infection but did not open my incision and clean it properly, just removed my staples and put me on an antibiotic. Five days later I saw my actual OB and she was appalled at the state of my incision...and the amount of time it would take to heal. I dont know if it would have helped any getting that whole process started faster or not, but, as a result I was not able to BF, and holding my son was even difficult for a while. It really took its toll on me emotionally, and I did have some mild ppd and ppa....I felt inadequate and so unable to do what was supposed to come naturally to me. It took a long time to recover from that.

dinonugget1517 · August 2011

Yes I was extremely upset over my unplanned c-section, and for all the reasons you stated! I had the perfect "labor" story in my head my whole pregnancy, and it a matter of minutes that all went crashing down. And on top of it all, he was rushed out to go to the NICU and because my blood pressure was so high and they kept me on the magnesium drip, they would not let me leave my room to go see him in the NICU until the following morning. So he was here for a full 27 hours before I was able to see him! It took me a long time to get over all the things that happened that I never thought would happen, but looking back now, I have a healthy baby and that's all I ever wanted :-)

RClaffee · August 2011

Rationally, I knew that I was going to end up with a c-section, but I was still very sad about the experience. I was still holding out hope that I would be one of the few moms of twins who would be able to have a vaginal birth, but I had to be delivered early because of pre-e. I wanted to be able to try to breast feed and bond with my babies immediately, but I didn't even see one of my daughters that day. They were early, so they needed to be whisked away to the NICU almost immediately. I was able to see Lillian for a few minutes, but Abigail was unable to breath on her own, so she needed to be taken care of immediately. I know that is what needed to happen, but it was still really sad.

The worst part was that after the surgery, I tried to go up to the NICU to see them, but I was still really whoozy. When the nurses tried to get me up and into a wheelchair, I almost fainted, so I was sent back to bed. Everyone in my family saw them before me. And my mom was so so so unhelpful because every time she went to see them, she came back crying because they were so small. I know it is hard to see your grandchildren hooked up to all sorts of machines, but geez, be strong for their mom. I was so freaked out that one of the nurses saw how upset I was getting and called one of their neonatologists to come down and talk to me. He came down with pictures and video of them both, which was really nice.

On one hand I feel so thankful that we have the ability to do c-sections. My girls would not have lived without one. In fact, I might not have either, but I still feel sad about the way it all happened. Sorry this response was so long. If you got here, you deserve a cookie.

BeachM · August 2011

My thoughts were: Thank you Jesus, next time I can have a scheduled c-section and not deal with pitocin + 25 hours of back labor again.

However, I found that I was not like most women because pregnancy and childbirth were a means to an end for me and not the magical experience others wanted to have. Magical is not typed with sarcasm, I just don't know what other word to use.

a&b=him&me · August 2011

I did. and sometimes still get envious about those who are able to have the birth they planned.

I wanted to go as natural (as possible). wait until the cord stopped pumping before it was clamped and cut and I wanted skin-to-skin. BUT, in the end I got two little girls (one in heaven) and I am happy with that.

LadyXaverian · August 2011

I was very lucky that my unplanned c/s went off without a hitch. My nurses and OB were amazing, and DD was in my arms minutes after in what felt like minutes after she was born. I had planned for a med free hypnobirthing vaginal delivery, and I honestly believe that the techniques I learned and practiced in my classes and during my 18 hours of labor leading up to the c/s helped me stay calm and to keep things in perspective.

I am eternally thankful that I had a positive c/s experience because I know that's not always the case, and while I'd hope to be able to have a vbac in the future, I would be ok with a repeat c/s if that's what was necessary.

EBathory997Wed74688 · August 2011

I never had a problem with the c-section possibility. I hated the idea of pitocin more and luckily avoided it with my induction. I had the c-section after 6 hours of pushing and a total of 15 hours of med-free labor and my daughter failing to descend because she was transverse breech. I am knind of bummed that my husband couldn't cut the cord. He got to hold her before me and they didn't show her over the screen so I didn't see her until my husband brought her over.

JennV514 · August 2011

I've had a hard time moving past Evan's birth. It was very traumatic for me. I'm in therapy now, so between that and talking with my husband, I'm getting better.

Erika&Dan · August 2011

I was/am so happy to see this post! I've tried to tell/explain my feelings to others but it's just not the same as expressing your feelings to those who have been there! I, to this day (9 months later), still have sadness about my c/s Here is my story:

When my water broke there was meconium. I labored for 16 hrs and pushed for 4. I was fully dialated for 5 hrs but my baby would not come down. I got a temp of over 100 and this made the drs nervous for me and baby so I had an emergency c/s. I was so not ready for what was about to happen! My c/s went ok except for getting sick during ( It sucks to get sick & not be able to feel your stomch muscles!). Once the baby was out everything seemed to b fine but once I got back to my recovery room the nurse says to me " We have to take your baby upstairs". To make a very long story short, my baby had a lung infection from the meconium and was in the NICU for our entire stay @ the hospital (4 days). I didnt even get to HOLD MY BABY for 11 hrs after she was born! I did get to nurse her in the NICU but we never got to do skin-to-skin which was very important to me too. I didn't even get to see her first bath! I got the best news of my life as I was getting my stuff together to go home and that was that my baby was going to be able to come home with us!!! I was and still am so greatful for all of the drs and nurses that took such great care of me and my baby! However, I still have not been able to shake the sadness of not being able to have skin-to-skin, nurse asap, my baby in my room, a happy/healthy delivery etc. I still have battles with myself about everything and I am trying to just except it for what it was. I love my baby so much and am sooo very greatful that she is happy and healthy! I'm so blessed to have her!

genekelly · September 2011

Sure, I wish things had gone differently but I feel like DH and I made the best decisions we could at the time and don't feel like the hospital or OB made us do any procedure that we weren't in agreement with. Our goal was a healthy baby and I do feel that the c/s ensured that at the time. I look back and try to think of things we could have done differently but I'm not sure that the outcome would have been any different. Hopefully with #2, you can try a VBAC and get the experience you desired.

kcvasquez · September 2011

I have some negative emotions that go along with my unplanned c-section. The biggest one has to do with my MIL (an OB nurse where I gave birth) she felt it was okay to give DS a bath while I was being sewn up and taken to recovery. So not only did DH get to hold DS first but my MIL got to hold him before me. I was furious and I still get upset thinking about it. Also my whole family got to see DS without me around. I don't know it I am being selfish but just because I had to have a c-section, why should I miss out on introducing our baby to everyone? I don't have any negative emotions toward to c-section itself (being cut open, ect...) but it's what happened afterwards that still makes me mad.

julbeejulz · September 2011

At first I was very upset about having to have a c/s. I also wanted to have a natural childbirth, immediate skin to skin, letting the cord pulse, having bonding time with LO and DH before our families got to meet our little guy but in the end after he was born and I got to hold him, none of that mattered because he was born safe.

nosoup4u · September 2011

It took me a full year to deal with DS1's birth. I pushed 4+ hours until it was (finally) determined he was posterior and going nowhere fast, and I ended up with a c-section. Afterwards he was put on antibiotics (and had a spinal tap and a gazillion other tests) and stayed in the hospital for a week. They were never able to determine if he ever even had an infection in the first place. Looking back, I do think I was at least slightly depressed from the whole thing. For me, attempting and achieving a VBAC (and having a baby who wasn't hospitalized after birth!) went a long way to make me feel better about what happened. Though I'm still pissed that none of the midwives knew his position or tried to get him in a better position while I was laboring...anyhoo, maybe look up your local ICAN group if you want, it may help to know other women who've been through similar situations. I know there's a fairly active one in the suburbs. hth

fivesgirl · September 2011

I hate that I had to have a c-section. My labor before going to the hospital wasn't bad at all, I thought they were going to send me home. Got to the hospital at 8 cm, doctor expected me to deliver in the next two hours, at most. Got an epi that didn't work, I pushed for 4 hours, his head was right there, we could see the hair coming out. He got stuck and I got tired.

I missed out on the skin to skin, I wanted to have his cord clamping delayed. I always told my husband if I ever needed a c/s that no one but him was allowed to hold the baby - he was amazing and made sure that I was the first to hold him. I also feel like the delayed skin to skin hurt the start of breastfeeding, it took weeks for him to latch on and not cry. I still don't feel that bonded with the baby. The whole experience really messed with my head.

the first few weeks I replayed the whole night over in my head and kept thinking about what I could have done differently to avoid surgery. I wish I wouldn't have got the epi so I could have tried other pushing positions, I wish I would have been more assertive in trying different positions since the epi didn't work anyway. It still bothers me and I think it will take a long time to over come those feelings. I do appreciate that it was our choice to have the c-section, the doctor never brought it up, mostly because the heart rate was always good. I asked the doc what I should do and he said I could keep trying or we could go for a c-section. Next time I will definitely try for a vbac - I want the experience so much.

mama2boys529 · September 2011

I still get really sad, mad, emotional about my unplanned c-section. My labor was going really well until the last 3 hours. I had a small "rim" of cervix left that would NOT budge. My DS's head was turned so I couldn't push him past it. I was ok with having the c-section at the time, but after I got home, I was upset. I barely remember holding my DS for the first time, we have no pictures of us with him when the nurse brought him over, no pictures of him when he first came out, my husband didn't get to cut the cord, I could go on and on. I get really upset when people I know have vaginal births because their body could do it, and mine couldn't. I often wonder if the pitocin had something to do with it. I was only supposed to get a little but, but apparently (according to my mom), the nurse kept upping it. I just have so many "what if's". I'm so thankful to have my amazing son, and that he is happy and healthy. That is what gets me through when I'm feeling sad about it. I'm hoping for a VBAC in the future. Although, when I think about that, I can't help but feel guilty for wanting it! I can't help but feel guilty for wanting to experience it when I didn't get to with my DS. Ugh, I'm a mess

Mrs. Stew · September 2011

I am definitely disappointed that things went the way they did. However, there is NO way she could have been born vaginally - she wouldn't have survived labor. The thing that frustrates me more is knowing that I will have an increased chance of a c/s with future pregnancies.

mel1358 · September 2011

Every single day! I too had visions of skin to skin, my husband by my side, time for us to just bond as a family, looking into her eyes for the first time... I'm tearing up even typing this. I was in so much pain after and had uncotrollable shaking from the meds that I didn't get to hold her for so long. I had to spend the first half of recovery watching my her as my husband held her. I HATED EVERY SECOND OF IT. I thought if we took a birthing class, I would feel more in control and less scared no matter what situation arose. Why it did go over all options, I think it did help put all these visions in my head about the perfect birth and what it would be like. I went over my due date, had to be induced... 24 hours in to it my water broke and another 16 in to it she would not drop. Turns out she was over to one side and I would have never gone in to labor on my own. Then she would not latch and after a few days of hearing scream in hunger we broke down and gave her formula. The whole thing was so far from what we had planned. She will be two months on the 3rd and I am still borderline depressed about the situation.

Jill070707 · September 2011

I can totally relate. For me, I think a lot of it came from needing so much medical intervention to get pregnant and hoping for a low-intervention birth. Honestly, I still struggle with it, although it's gotten better as she gets older. Hugs to you all.

posey46 · September 2011

I spent 33 hours in labor and never progressed past 6.5 cm and -2 station with DD. I had a meltdown while still in the hospital 2 days after DD was born. DH was there and had been trying to watch for PPD and thought that the meltdown was related. When I finally calmed down, I had to explain to him that I had to grieve some of the things that I desperately wanted out of the birth experience that I didn't get. The most important one to me is that everyone else got to hold her and cuddle her before I got out of recovery. I am glad she is happy and healthy and all of that but I can't help but feel a little let down by my own body.

disneyfan0511 · September 2011

It took me a long time to recover from my emergency c/s experience. My DD had e coli sepsis and was taken to the NICU immediately following my c/s. While I know it was for her own good - I still feel sad that my entire family was with her before me, while I was down in the recovery room alone and missing my baby. I will say since she was in the NICU I had very little time to think about the c/s and way more time thinking about her getting better.

That said, this whole experience made me want a VBAC more than anything. There is SO much I would change about my entire labor, I try not to think about it too much anymore or I feel like it'd drive me insane.

RumbleLina · September 2011

Hells yeah.

In my mind, I wasn't suppose be induced at 37wks and I sure as all helll wasn't suppose to be in labor for 30 hours, push for 3 and STILL end up with a general anaesthesia c-section.

I yearned to see my child come out, hear his first cry, watch MH cut his umbilical cord, have skin-to-skin contact right away and BF right away. I didn't get a single one of the things I desired and thought I would. My OB gave me so much confidence that I would have a succesful vaginal that I never even though about a c/s as an option. Now I know better. Plan for the "worst" as well.

I also wish that I could have what I wanted for my DS for my next child but being told I can never vaginally deliver unless a premie severely damaged those dreams.

g00dg0llymsm0lly · September 2011

I have had, and still have, mixed feelings about my Csection. After almost a week of labor, and a 12 hour induction, it was welcome. I couldn't bear to be pregnant or laboring another second. But the hour when DD and I were separated- when she was cleaned and weighed, and I was stitched up and brought to recovery- that was hell like I've never experienced in my life. DH and my best friend and the nurses came back and forth with pictures and videos the whole time, but I swear a lifetime passed in that hour. But after that, all I could think about was my baby, even in the weeks following that came with lots of complications including re-opening of my incision, infection, ugh I could go on.

I'm at peace with the experience now. Thank god, because I need to be; subsequent cesareans are the only option for me medically if I want to have more children, which I do.

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