Clicky poll for EBFers about H's involvement.

RoninSirPuppyPup · September 2011

LO is 8 months old. He is pretty much still EBF. We bedshare and he nurses to sleep almost always. This means that it is very difficult for H to put LO to sleep. I can probably count on one hand how many times H has been able to get LO down. All of them were while we were on hikes with LO in the Ergo. LO just seems to associate H with fun not comfort. Lately he'll cry for H when he's home and not in LO's view, and sometimes I suspect that he is crawling around looking for him. They're definitely bonded, just not for sleep. I have conflicting emotions on this. On one hand, LO has always nursed to sleep so how would he know how to fall asleep otherwise NBD, totally normal, he'll learn. On the other hand, I feel like if H took LO, had a rough few nights with LO they would just work it out. I didn't know how to get him to sleep from day one, it took time to build that trust and learn those things KWIM?

So after a long somewhat unrelated ramble. Is (or was) you H able to get your EBF, mostly EBF, or generally nursed to sleep baby down for naps or at night?

I hope this poll makes sense.

[Poll]

bugsmami · September 2011

I voted 18-24 mo, but it's only been in the last month or 2 (21ish mo) that DH has had luck putting DS to sleep at night. He's just starting to lose interest in nursing in general, and that has helped. I will still nurse after reading books as part of the routine, but sometimes DS will ask for DH to come in and put him to sleep, or if he stops nursing, I will ask him is he wants Daddy to come in... he nurses to sleep about 1/2 the nights now. He still nurses for a nap, but occasionally will fall asleep to us doing "zumba" around the living room.

RoninSirPuppyPup · September 2011

:P you aren't giving me much hope.

Quesera · September 2011

He's done it only a few times when I've been out and pumped a bottle. He has his own methods that seem to work. My mom has also done it a few times but bottle is def required.

WiggleBaby · September 2011

my DH still cannot get my DD to sleep at 2.5 years (i lay with her, she recently fully weaned). but she adores him and can otherwise be with him all day without me (except for naps/night sleep). it doesn't bother us, they've always been buddies!

skyejo · September 2011

DH actually is better at laying LO down then I am! LO is EBF but the only time that nursing puts her to sleep is in the middle of the night. If I try to nurse her to sleep for naps or right before bed she wakes up ready to play. So we wear her in the Ergo to get her to sleep. LO usually wakes up when I try to get her out of the Ergo and lay her down but she doesn't flinch with DH!

Trying to get DH to lay her down when she wakes in the night is a whole different story though...

RoninSirPuppyPup · September 2011

Thanks for the input. As I suspected this is fairly normal and will either stop with time, or H and LO just need to work it out.

danienross · September 2011

I voted for between birth and 6mos but DH can only get her to sleep if she has nursed recently. DD almost always nurses to sleep still at 10mos but every once in awhile I have to hand her off and let DH rock her. It will only work if she has a full tummy though.

kathrnn · September 2011

Since Day 1 basically. As long as she's fed at night, she goes to sleep. We almost never give her a bottle at night, since we bedshare and I nurse her to sleep. I work part-time, and so she gets a bottle from my husband then, and he hasn't had a problem getting her to nap.

Harper'smom · September 2011

We nursed and nursed to sleep for 28mos. I answered 12-18mos because I went to Asia for 5 days for work when DD was 16mos and DH put her to sleep everynight. Although a few of the nights were rough and he used a bottle. But he was a PT SAHD until she was 20mos so he would get her alseep for naps since 12 weeks. Naps usually involved the bottle and rocking and then sleeping on DH. MIL also has always been able to get her to nap and to sleep at night. But, even now the she is weaned if I am home she only wants me to put her to bed.

vanfox · September 2011

I should note that DH has never handled bedtime, just naps, but those have never been a problem. My mom babysat while we were at a wedding and was able to get DS down for the night, though, so I'm guessing should DH ever have to handle bedtime while the baby is still nursing to sleep, he could most likely do it.

anna7602 · September 2011

I voted my LO was older than 24 months, but the more specific answer was "my LO was weaned before she started falling asleep for dad" and even then, it's still hit or miss sometimes (at age 3).

KelliLynee · September 2011

DD nursed to sleep until somewhere close to a year, when she suddenly started to stay awake through nursing, but I was able to just put her in her bed still awake and she would fall asleep. I still put DD down, because nursing was still the last step in our bedtime routine. DH was able to give DD a bottle of BM and she would go to sleep for him as well, though I can't remember when I needed him to do that. Somewhere between 6-12 mos.

KCKappa · September 2011

DD will be 5 months old on Friday and DD can back to sleep after a nightwaking as of the last couple of weeks (sometimes with a bottle of EBM, sometimes without), but so far not at bedtime. He's a great dad with a great bond with DD - he just hasn't really needed to put her to bed before. I do have to travel for work next Monday and will be gone that night and Tuesday, so I'm hopeful he'll be able to get her down at bedtime without too much struggle. She did go to sleep for a sitter one night about three weeks ago, so I'm optimistic.

RoninSirPuppyPup · September 2011

Wow these answers are all over the place! That makes me happy. I was started to wonder if LO was only baby on the planet who couldn't go to sleep for dad:)

ENI36 · September 2011

DS started to lose interest in nursing to sleep. I think he just wanted to wake up and play. He would nurse to sleep fine in the middle of the night (and would wake every two hours to do so). We couldn't keep waking up so much during the night, I was losing it. And the nursing to sleep wasn't working. So we made changes.

I still nurse him before bed but then I rock him. We don't let him fall asleep in our arms, we put him in his crib drowsy. Sometimes it takes a few tries. DH and I both do our share. I don't nurse him during the night anymore to get him back to sleep (I night weaned him and it worked very well and he was fine with it). We all sleep much better now and I get DH's help. Everything runs much more smoothly.

ETA: I meant to mention that DH has always been able to get him to sleep for naps though. It was more just in the middle of the night that he needed me to nurse him back to sleep. He was never happy to see DH in the middle of the night, lol.

mandyjn16 · September 2011

I voted 6-12 mos, but it was because around then was when we switched up bedtime routine so DS didn't nurse to sleep. We switched from books, bath, nursing to nursing, bath, books and at that time also switched to DH doing the bath and books part.

KatieB19 · September 2011

I voted for birth-6 months. I don't give dh too many opportunities to put DS to bed (I really treasure the nursing to sleep time), but he has done it since maybe 2 months. He has his own techniques, of rocking, shushing, and patting DS on the back. It does take longer than when I do it, but that's because DH doesn't do this on a regular basis (which we are starting to change!).

If your husband starts putting LO to bed, they will learn to accept that you have different bedtime routines. He may always demand the boob from you, but will fall right asleep with a little back rub from DH. It might be difficult at first, but it will make everyone feel better for those times when you can't put LO to bed.

RoninSirPuppyPup · September 2011

I'm loving these responses. So interesting how every child is different. You can't compare children of the same age when there are 3 week old STTN and 3 year olds not!

EllaSmella · September 2011

I can't really vote because it hasn't happened for us yet. My DH has a horrible time getting him down (probably only happens about 10% of the time). It makes it pretty rough on me because I have to do all naps, bedtime and nighttime wake ups (LO still gets up 1-2 times per night). Retrospectively, I would probably have had DH put him down more when he was little just so he was more used to someone besides me. Plus it makes DH feel bad that he can't help/LO gets upset.

Quazel · September 2011

I don't really fit into any of the categories. DH is a SAHD so he has been doing naptime for 2.5 years. However, DS will NOT go to sleep with DH if I am home, naps or bedtime. Because of some food issues we had, I actually nursed to sleep until last month. DH had never, ever gotten DS to sleep at night and not for a lack of trying. We have been working on it for a month and DS will now go to sleep very well for DH but he always begs for me and then won't fall asleep for me unless nursing. We are in a tough spot with it right now as we try to work it out.

whirli · September 2011

I didn't respond because I still nurse DD to sleep for naps and bedtime. I'm sure with some work DH would be able to put her down or I could get her down without nursing, but it has worked so well since she's been born and makes bedtime so quick and easy. She only nurses before nap, before bed and first thing in the morning and it's mostly comfort and routine. We're TTC and when/if I get pregnant we're going to work on cutting out those feedings, which should go pretty smoothly. HTH!

BeckyD80 · September 2011

I didn't vote because we fit more than one. I do taxes so during tax season while DD was 3-6 months H had no problems giving her a bottle before bed. Since then at night she pretty much needs to be nursed before bed. She goes down awake but needs the comfort.

Naps are another story. She goes just fine for DH or myself just fine.

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