Loss at 19 week.. new here.

niknak1128 · September 2011

Good morning ladies. This is my first time posting. We lost our baby at 19 weeks on Friday, 09/02.

It started over a week ago with some pink tinged discharge. I saw my OB on 08/26 and all was fine. The following Sunday, I couldn't sleep due to some mild cramping and what felt to me like contractions. I was seen in OB Triage the following Monday afternoon. Again- all was fine. Cervix was closed and firm and long. Baby was fine. They diagnosed with me bacterial vaginosis and put me on Flagyl.

Wednesday- I was at work and my water broke. I was immediately seen at my OB's office because it seemed like maybe just a leak. Confirmed amniotic fluid and water breakage and sent to Triage.

I was admitted Wednesday evening. Initially, the doctors all made it seem like my sac would seal off and I could be bed rested and continue to build fluid but by Thursday morning it became evident that it was not an option. On ultrasound, there was virtually no fluid around my baby. After that, my placenta ruptured and I literally bled for 2 days.

Thursday evening, they started to induce me. Although, I thought contractions may have started on their own but then they stopped.

Friday morning, I had an epidural which at least made things more comfortable. Although, I don't know how you can be comfortable in this situation.

Friday evening, I was given my last dose of induction meds and told that it could happen within an hour or 4 hours. We decided that I was probably far enough along that we could just push but when it came down to it- I could not do it. I just couldn't make myself push. I just laid there and sobbed. It was horrible. The doctors left the room to give me some time and agreed to come back in 20 minutes. DH and I were just sitting there waiting and crying and I coughed and delivered. That was all it took. I had to lay there, covered in my blankets, knowing what just had happened and wait for the nurse to arrive.

Baby boy. 9 inches. 7.8 oz. He was stillborn which I suspected he would be. Initially, I couldn't do anything except cry. I had to stay at least a few hours for the epidural to wear off and all of the things that had to be wrapped up. DH did not want to see him or hold him or even take the memory box that they put together for us. I, however, had to. I just felt like I was just abandoning my baby and I needed to see him and be with him and feel like I was acknowledging his birth. We named him Benjamin. I spent about half an hour with him and really just sobbed the entire time. I was alone with my nurses as DH did not want to see. I didn't want to do it alone but I also had to respect DH's grieving process and respect his needs so I couldn't make him do it. All in all, I'm very glad that I did see him even though it was incredibly hard and painful. I have even been able to look at his memory box which was also very painful but nice to have.

Sometimes I'm ok and then I'm not ok .. it just hits me at different times. I do have a healthy 2.5 year old son so that's a nice distraction. My husband and my friends and family have been wonderful and that has been very helpful.

I'm just not sure how to handle the physical changes. I can tell that my milk is coming in and my breasts are starting to engorge.. this is not fun to deal with when there's no baby.. it's just a reminder and it's horrible. Does anyone know how I can stop this or ease it or something?

I'm not having too much bleeding just a little. I'm not sure how long to expect that to continue.

I am so sorry for all of your losses and I'm grateful to have a place to vent to other mothers who have gone through this horrible loss.

orangegoggles · September 2011

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for the loss of your son Benjamin. I can't imagine the pain you must be going through but I know there are several women here who have had a late loss.

I am glad you have a supportive husband and family. Take care of yourself, T&P's to you.

GracieBlue · September 2011

I am also sitting here with tears rolling down my face. I am so sorry for your loss. I did not suffer a late term loss, I can't imagine what you are going through. I hope you can find lots of support on this board. You and your family are in my T&P.

henderson1026 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss.

ballerina06 · September 2011

**Ticker/Pic warning**

I am so sorry for your loss. I know an acquaintance who's story is almost identical to yours. She has a blog and although I lost my baby at 6 weeks, it has helped me a lot to sort through my feelings and anger. Her blog is losingaidan.blogspot.com. Just know that you are not alone and I hope you find this board to be a great support, as I know I have. Take care, you are in my t&p.

angielayne926 · September 2011

Oh my gosh, this made me so weepy. I couldn't even imagine having to go through that. My heart breaks for you. I am so glad that you have a support system. Know that we are all here for you if you need to "talk." T & P to your family during this time.

keiral · September 2011

I am so very sorry for your loss. I did not have a late loss and I can't imagine the pain you must be feeling. I will keep you in my thoughts.

bigbird1234 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss.! I also lost my baby recently at 26wks. He was also stillborn. It was my first pregnancy. The hospital told me I might start leaking milk. I thought I was in the clear because I didn't leak for the first 3 days. I woke up and my breasts had doubled in size and hurt so bad. I was heartbroken because I also didn't have a baby. I felt like it was a slap in the face. But what helped me was hot showers to help the milk come out and i know it sounds crazy but get cabbage leaves and put them in the fridge, then put them in your bra. The cold feels good and supposedly the cabbage dries up the milk. I feel like it worked for me. I still have some milk and I lost my baby on Aug 24th but they do not hurt and its much less. I also am not bleeding to much. Ive read you can expect this for 2 weeks are so. Ive been bleeding for a little over a week and is almost stopped. I imagine the bigger the baby the more you bleed because of the trauma, but everyone's different. I am so sorry that you had to go through this. There are a lot more of us than I expected. You will never forget your baby what helped me was that god took my baby so he would not suffer in life. Each day gets better. I feel bad for having a good time or even talking about trying again. Part of me feels like I'm betraying him, but then I think he would not want me to be sad. He was very sick. Your baby would not want you to be sad for him. When you are ready take a look at his memory box or write him a letter. That helped me a lot. Hang in there!

SeaBlue73 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss & that you have had to go through this experience. Big hugs coming your way, and T&P for you & your family.

sarahnwill · September 2011

I'm so sorry

niknak1128 · September 2011

I literally cannot sit still. If I'm still, I think about it too much and it's too much to think about. If we are not busy running around with our 2.5 yr old son Collin, I have to find something else to keep me busy. I've been cleaning for 2 hours. Every nook and cranny because it's just too hard to sit still. I don't ever want to be alone. I never want DH to leave. I never want Collin to be away. I constantly want someone to come over whether it's my parents or my best friends or someone.. I just want to be surrounded because at least that's some distraction. It's so incredibly hard. I'm trying very very hard not to blame myself because I know in my heart that there isn't anything I could have one to prevent it from happening. I do have a lot of anger. I'm especially angry at the doctor's for not bed resting me when I kept telling them repeatedly that something was wrong. Who knows if that would have made a difference or not or maybe it just would have prolonged the inevitable one more week or two more weeks but I'm angry that we didn't try. I keep telling myself that God took him because he was probably sick or would have made me sick or something but then I keep thinking why on Earth would God choose my baby to be sick. I live next door to this woman and her husband who have 3 kids. They just had a son a couple months ago and they never take care of any of them. It just makes me sick that DH and I are so responsible and loving parents and this happens to us and our family. (Like all of you I'm sure). It's just horrific.

I talked to my old RE and now a friend of mine and she said to wear really really tight bras even to bed so that's what I've been doing. The RN at the hospital did mention cabbage leaves.. and of course we went grocery shopping and I forgot! But I will try that if this doesn't work. I mean how much more can you bare ya know.. it's like you already had to go through this HUGE trauma and now I have to sit here with huge engorged breasts and no baby to feed? Really? It's just not fair.

I absolutely love his memory box. I've looked at it just once but I keep finding myself wanting to look again. The photos they took are especially hard to look at because it's just so gut wrenching but I love that it's a way to make me feel close to him and to know him when I never really got to know him. DH looked at it for the first time last night. I wasn't sure he ever would but he told me when we were out running around that when our son went to bed he wanted to look at it. I warned him that he needed to be ready to see because it's not easy to look at and it can be shocking because after all it is a baby at 19 weeks but it's our son and it brings me comfort and I hope it did to him as well. He was locked int he bedroom for about 15 minutes. He came out crying. He did say that he really liked the box. He's said three times today that he just wants a healthy baby.

We will definitely try as soon as I am physically able to but it will never replace or fill the hole that's been left in my heart by this experience. It's just a hurt that no parent should ever have to go through.

Sunrise6 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss of your sweet baby boy Benjamin. Your story brought me to tears

I hope you can find comfort with us on this board

RN3180 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts. *hugs*

Some tips (which you may already know): To help the milk to stop coming in and to ease the discomfort, wear a snug bra, sports bra, or ACE wrap. Cold green cabbage leaves will help decrease the swelling and discomfort (anti-inflammatory properties, believe it or not). Very hot showers/hot tubs/hot baths will stimulate milk production, so keep the temp. on the lower side.

jghdgj · September 2011

This post has been edited by a moderator
to remove the redirecting hyperlink spam

PLEASE DO NOT SPAM THE BOARDS

Auki13 · September 2011

Warning- Tickers

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my Annabelle at 35 weeks and having my milk come in was an awful reminder of what could have been. Besides everything that others have recommended (tight bra 24/7, cabbage leaves, showers not too hot...) I was also told not to stand in the shower facing forward because stimulating the milk will just prolong the process. It's best to shower with your back to the water and to just let the water fall forward. As for the bleeding, I bled PP for appx 2 weeks and my period just came yesterday (between 6-7 weeks PP).

I just want to say that I am so glad that you chose to meet your son. I think that even though it may have been difficult, it is very healing to be able to say goodbye. I have read about moms who never saw their babies or took pictures and regret it years later. I cherish everything that has to do with my Annabelle and look at her pictures constantly.

I hope that you can heal and that your toddler gives you some peace. Again, I am so sorry for your loss and I hope that the women on here can help you a little in your process. They have been extremely supportive and kind through my journey and I feel lucky to have come to this board.

niknak1128 · September 2011

Thank you so much. It's just all the little things that don't hit you until they happen. I never dreamed that my milk would come in and I remember the nurse saying something to me about it and I listened but it still didn't really hit me. And then a day or two after being home, I'm waking up and my breasts are firm and lumpy and like bricks. SO unfair. I'm wearing this very tight sports bra. DH went out this morning to try and find cabbage but they were out. My mom is coming over later and is supposed to be bringing some. It's the laying there and not feeling any movement anymore. It's just all of it. It's awful.

I am extremely grateful that I chose to meet my Benjamin. I had to acknowledge him. I just could not bare to leave the hospital without being with him and saying goodbye and acknowledging his birth. I love my memory box and I know for some it's not something they can look at but for me it helps.

MandaJo9 · September 2011

I'm so sorry for your loss.

illinigal · September 2011

Hugs. I'm sorry you have to be here. I recently delivered and lost twin boys at 18w1d. The dr and nurse asked if we wanted to see them and I held them for a bit, crying the entire time, with Dh by my side. They said my milk may or may not come in, but it did. My breasts killed me for a few days and I slept in a sports bra. They said to make sure you don't take hot showers and don't let it hit your chest. They also suggested holding cold packs on your chest which I did and that helped. I cried a lot at first, but the crying seems to lessen each day, so it will get easier.

UsafWifey09 · September 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son at 22 weeks in Jan. I had a huge infection which caused me to almost bleed to death. I had bleeding for about a week or so after, then it changes to darker color. They gave me pills that made my milk not produce right after I had my son. I am glad they did this. I am unsure of what they are called. I know natural ways to stop the process is to touch them as least as possible, do not put warm water on them because it will encourage more milk production.

Lbloom · September 2011

You poor thing. I'm so sorry for your loss of precious Benjamin. I hate to see so many new people here, but I'm glad you found us even though we all hate being here; we're here for you.

It is so hard when your milk comes in and you have to brave the physical recovery of childbirth without the reward. I wore snug bras day and night when my milk came in and it did eventually dry up. I used cold compresses in my bra when they were painful. A warm shower caused let down for me and putting my bra back on helped. Breast pads for leakage will keep the staining to a minimum. I hope your body figures things out but it will take time. We're here for you when you need us. Take care of yourself, hun.

Want a personalized experience?

Loss at 19 week.. new here.

Re: Loss at 19 week.. new here.

Choose Another Board

Search Boards