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Two Under 2
Daughter is 20 months (1yr 8mos) new LO due in 1 month and I am Scared!
My Daughter was planned 100%. The second one was an oops suprise. I am just worried about all the time i will have to devote to the LO that My daughter will feel neglected. With her being so young she doesn't understand that whole baby thing yet. I just am freaking out. Anyone out there have LOs close in age? How do you manage and how do you make your 1st still feel special?
Kimberly
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Re: Daughter is 20 months (1yr 8mos) new LO due in 1 month and I am Scared!
You are definitely not alone. I know I was nervous until the minute I had DS. But I wouldn't change it for the world. You hear ppl say it and you think they're just making that up but it's true. Even though DS is only 3 months (I'm rounding up) he and DD already have a connection. It's awesome!
I do take DD places just the two of us (nowhere special like to the grocery store) and I make sure we have our alone time everynight when I sing her a song and read a book. She and I both look forward to it.
Don't worry too much. It will all work itself out. Enjoy it as much as you can because time flies! Good Luck and Congratulations
Mine are 20 months apart and my DS is a great sleeper so I had a lot of time to spend with DD while on maternity leave. I kept them both home and had a ton of fun with DD. DS spent a lot of time sleeping those 3 months so it wasn't too hard to keep up with DD and the quality time she wants.
You will be surprised at how much she gets with the new baby. DD was feeding her baby bottles and burping her baby right next to me after only a day of being home.
Try not to worry about it too much, you can do it!
Everyone goes through this right before #2 comes along. It's hard to explain but it just works out. It goes in phases, the first couple of weeks are transition and from there it just gets easier!
My kids are 18 months apart and honestly I was so scared and worked up about how it would all work out and when I look back I think it was pretty easy. Maybe I was just sleep deprived and delirious so I can't fully remember, but either way we enjoyed it and planned to do it again...#2 and #3 will be 18 months apart as well.
DS was 20 months when DD was born. He was finally starting to understand the "baby" a couple months before that. He would be able to point to his baby sister (my belly) and he would kiss the belly a lot. When she was born it was very important to me that he feel special and not left out at all. While I was in the hospital, I wanted him there. He got to come in and see me right before my c/s and we told him that today was the day he would get to choose his baby. When it was all over he was taken to the nursery to "pick out" his baby sister. He got to see her and watch his daddy inside with her (we did not expect that part - we thought DH would be outside and would be the one taking DS to see her). He loved pointing her out. In the minutes, days, and weeks later we would have any visitors ask HIM to show them his baby sister. Then it became something for him to be proud of. He was the first one people spoke to, rather than bypassing him to see the baby first. I kept new special toys in the closet for him so that when people brought gifts for the baby he would also have something new (many people brought small gifts for him, but if they didn't I had those as backups). We didn't keep him from her in the beginning. From the first evening in the hospital, he got to sit up in the bed with me and her, inspecting her; and he got to kiss her which he was SO proud of.
When things calm down you have to let your toddler feel like he/she is first. When the baby is sleeping, cuddle with your toddler and read or play. There are so many hours you won't be able to have that one-on-one time anymore, so any little bit is good to give them. When they are both crying, respond to the toddler first. Your infant will never remember that he/she had to wait for attention, and crying a little longer will not hurt the baby. Your toddler might remember/react if you are always bypassing her cries to tend to the baby. Even at 2.5 and 10 months, I still do these things - A little one-on-one with both of them as much as I can, and going to DS first if they're both crying.
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DD#1 was 21 months old when DD#2 arrived. It was hard for me in the beginning, esp right after we got home because DD#2 was sort of jealous. I was BF LO and we were having latch issues, so feedings were taking 1 hour or more. DD#1 would scream and cry for me when I was trying to do this. Of course I was emotional and hormonal at the time and had a bad case of the baby blues. I ultimately had to give up BF LO because it was just too hard to devote so much time to DD#2, I felt like I was neglecting #1.... I do pump and feed #2 BM, so I guess I didn't completely give up.
I make sure I am the one who puts DD#1 to bed each night. We have cuddle time then. If I need to get out of the house to run errands, I take her with me so that we do have some alone time together. I also take her outside to play, and just had her at the park yesterday. I also try to involve her with the care of #2... she will help me put her paci in her mouth, rub lotion on her after bath time, help pat her back when its time to burp.
DD1 was a little under 22 months old when DD2 arrived. DD2 is 6 weeks old now and so far things are going pretty smoothly (lack of sleep aside!)
We try and include DD1 with taking care of her little sister as much as possible. She helps me with diaper changes by handing me wipes, she "helps" me with feeding her sister by sitting on my lap while I nurse (yeah, not always easy to do, but it helps her not feel like she's being pushed aside).
Since I'm EBF, DH has been spending more time with DD1, but I make sure to hand the baby over to him so that i can get some alone time with DD1 as well...
My DD's are a little under 22 months apart, and what's really helped (I think) is that we've been trying to get DD1 involved with DD2 as much as possible. She is really into helping, so I ask her to help with diaper changes (she is all too happy to get me a wipe out of the box), feedings (I BF, but she sits next to me and pats her sister on the head), comforting her sister (she gives her kisses), etc.
We also work hard at keeping some routines - like bed time - unchanged.
One more thing is that we make sure to each spend some time alone with DD1 every day. Sounds obvious, but it's very easy to forget about it.