Community› The Bump Message Boards› Pre-School and Daycare
Pre-School and Daycare
New Discussion

How do you deal with screaming?

mic2004mic2004
in Pre-School and Daycare

DD1 tends to scream at the top of her lungs when she doesn't get her way or when she doesn't want to do something. Today I was getting both girls ready to go to daycare and she flipped out because she wanted to keep playing with her Squinkies. We told her she this was the normal Friday routine and that she had to go to daycare and she could play with her Squinkies when she got home. She fought us and cried and screamed and refused to get into the van so she got a smack on the butt. I got her into her carseat and we headed out, but she continued to scream and yell "Bad Mommy" so much that I turned around and was going to take her home to put her in her room and have DH take her when she calmed down, but she stopped before we got home. She pouted and whined a bit when we got to daycare, but the dropoff went ok.

I hate that I smacked her, but that is the only thing that seems to get through to her that her behavior is not acceptable. Unfortunately, it doesn't always stop her bad behavior. Normally we would send her to her room for a certain amount of time and she has to apologize before she can come out. How do you handle a screamer at home, and when you're going somewhere. I had to handle it differently because I was already late for work so my options were limited Sad

image image Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
Report Reply to Post

Re: How do you deal with screaming?

  • mabma80mabma80

    Don't feel bad that you smacked her. I've had to smack my boys numerous times when they get like that.  Sometimes, they need a firm reminder of the order of things.  I don't mind spanking either.

    But, they do need to be reminded that they are not in charge here. 

    BabyFruit TickerLilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image image
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • PeskyPesky member
    I say very quietly that THAT.IS.NOT.ACCEPTABLE.  I also have told DD that I didn't realize that Squinkies (or insert desired object here) made her so upset and if that is what she is telling me by acting so poorly, I will have to take the item away and think about giving it to a boy or girl who acts better about their toys.  You should see the reaction.  First the howling "NOOOOOOOOOOO" and then I arch an eyebrow and say quietly, "well, you don't seem to be acting well about them.  If you want to play with it when we get home and don't want me to take it away, I suggest you stop acting like that, take a deep breath and get out to the car to go to school quietly and calmly."  She usually immediately complies and problem solved.  Of course, she knows full well from past experience that I carry through on my threats.  So I would have taken it away for a period of time and if she continued to pitch a fit, would've made her go with me and assist me in donating it.  Same thing with anything else like that -- food, tv, whatever.  She acts badly, it will be taken away.  I also give reminders of "inside voices needed now" and if there is no compliance then that is a sign the person needs some time to be alone without any toys.  Key is to stay calm and quiet -- communicates you are in charge.


    image
    DD -- 5YO
    DS -- 3YO

    Report Reply
  • mic2004mic2004

    imagePesky:
    I say very quietly that THAT.IS.NOT.ACCEPTABLE.  I also have told DD that I didn't realize that Squinkies (or insert desired object here) made her so upset and if that is what she is telling me by acting so poorly, I will have to take the item away and think about giving it to a boy or girl who acts better about their toys.  You should see the reaction.  First the howling "NOOOOOOOOOOO" and then I arch an eyebrow and say quietly, "well, you don't seem to be acting well about them.  If you want to play with it when we get home and don't want me to take it away, I suggest you stop acting like that, take a deep breath and get out to the car to go to school quietly and calmly."  She usually immediately complies and problem solved.  Of course, she knows full well from past experience that I carry through on my threats.  So I would have taken it away for a period of time and if she continued to pitch a fit, would've made her go with me and assist me in donating it.  Same thing with anything else like that -- food, tv, whatever.  She acts badly, it will be taken away.  I also give reminders of "inside voices needed now" and if there is no compliance then that is a sign the person needs some time to be alone without any toys.  Key is to stay calm and quiet -- communicates you are in charge.

    Yes, I have tried this before too. I find that when I am calm, she tends to calm down quicker. However, I am not feeling good today and we were already running 15 minutes late so I was in no mood for this behavior. I think the hard thing with her is that we really haven't found one thing that really works for her. We've tried talking calmly with her, giving time outs, taking toys away, smacking her on her bottom... some of them work some of the time while another time may cause more screaming. Maybe I should just start screaming next time too? Ugh!

    image image Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
    Report Reply
  • mabma80mabma80
    imagemic2004:

     We've tried talking calmly with her, giving time outs, taking toys away, smacking her on her bottom... some of them work some of the time while another time may cause more screaming. Maybe I should just start screaming next time too? Ugh!

    Yep. That's where we are too.  Some things work, others are a joke.  I've given up on time outs with DS2.  DS1 I have to find the "flavor of the day" and threaten to take it away when he's naughty.  But even that doesn't work sometimes.  

     

    BabyFruit TickerLilypie First Birthday tickers Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Daisypath Anniversary tickers image image
    Report Reply
  • KathrynMDKathrynMD member

    She fought us and cried and screamed and refused to get into the van so she got a smack on the butt. I got her into her carseat and we headed out, but she continued to scream and yell "Bad Mommy" so much that I turned around and was going to take her home to put her in her room and have DH take her when she calmed down, but she stopped before we got home. She pouted and whined a bit when we got to daycare, but the dropoff went ok.

    I don't really see how any of this was improved by your swat/smack on the butt.  She probably would have calmed down in the car anyway.  I'm don't really have a philosophical issue w/ spanking, etc. but it just doesn't seem to solve anything except give parents a way to express their own frustration.

    If my DD started screaming like that, I'd probably give her one (or two) warnings and then take whatever away and tell her taht I'm taking it away b/c she's screaming.  If she wants to calm down, she can play with it __ time.  You need to make her behavior a choice for her - good, positive behavior gets you good things you want, bad, negative behavior takes away things you like.  You can't make her stop screaming, you can only give her a good incentive to stop. 

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"