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School-Aged Children
what should I do?
So my daughter is 5 and just started kindergarten, they started on the 11. So our school system has "tiger paws" that get taken away if the kids are bad and they have 4 paws each day. So, my daughter, yes, she is a talker....but all 4 of her paws got taken away!!!! I'm not sure what I should do? Should I spank her, or put her in time out? I would love some of your advice!
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Re: what should I do?
This can be tricky, because you want to support the teacher and let your daughter know that you expect good behavior in school, BUT you also don't want to punish her for something she's already been punished for in school.
If I were in your shoes, I would talk about it with her and help make sure she understands what she did to lose the tiger paws and help her think of things she can do to have more self-control tomorrow. I wouldn't allow any special privileges that night. You can let her know that special privileges are only for girls who keep their tiger paws all day! But I wouldn't punish her at this point, either. I certainly wouldn't spank her for not being used to the way kindergarten works!
FWIW, my kids' school uses a similar system in kindergarten. Kids each have a clothespin with their name on it. There's a bulletin board that has a green paper plate, a yellow one, an orange one, and a red one. Kids get a warning, then on the next infraction have to move their clip to yellow, then to orange, then on to red if the misbehavior continues. It's a big deal, and they ALL know who in the class didn't "stay on green" all day. At the beginning of the year, lots of clips get moved to yellow. But there's tremendous pressure to conform and "be good" in school. By the end of the first two weeks, most kids stay on green all day.
Wait 2 weeks. If your daughter is still struggling to behave after a few weeks of school, call the teacher and set up a conference so the two of you can figure out how to help your DD exercise better self-control in class.
what happens at school stays at school the same as what happens at home stays at home....I would never call a teacher and tell them "hey, my DD is grounded from playing outside at home so I don't want her going out for recess today...mkay?"
The only exception to this rule is if the school/teacher calls me....THEN.....ohhhhhh I don't even know what I'd do...but there would be some big consequences at home and it would be a sad day....
really? I'm sorry, but I don't agree with that philosophy. When I was a kid, if it were something big enough that my parents heard about it at home, there was a reprimand and consequence at home for the behavior too. For the offense the OP stated, it'd likely just be like the pp said- a talk, loss of any special treat/privilage that evening, then we'd move on. Definitely not spanking. But since I knew about offending behavior at school, I'd be backing up the teacher by making sure my child was aware such behavior wasn't acceptable and will result in consequences, both at home and at school.
No, I don't think spanking, several hours later, is going to do anything for either of y'all.Time out wouldn't make sense in this situation either. I'd limit a fun activity after several weeks of school. She has to get used to going and figuring out what is expected of her.
What happens when they lose all 4 paws? The consequences of her talking excessively should occur when in school so she's losing out because of talking.
Read the entire response.....if a teacher/principal calls me about something...then I won't be too thrilled and depending on what the call is about there will be consequences at home. Clearly at that point they are seeking additional assistance.
However, if my kid comes home whining that they lost all their stars or whatever....well, Too bad soo sad for you, kiddo! Hope you have a better day tomorrow! But I can't imagine any further punishment. I want my kids to come home and TELL me about their day..not fear that if they told me something happened that I am going to spank them or send them to bed!
The teacher's system is ridiculous in my opinion. How will she learn from that?
I'd have a little chat with my DD about the importance of the rules at school, let her do most of the talking/figuring just ask a few leading questions "why do you think the teacher doesn't want talking in class?" "is there a good time to talk at school?"
And then for the next couple of mornings find a second to remind her when it is a good time to talk vs not a good time to talk (and again, let her figure this out, don't make it a lecture).
When she starts coming home with good reports, give her that big smile and tell her you knew she could do it.