Lurker popping in...Am I a mean mama? :-(
RoJo0908
member
Sorry to bust in, but I lurk around here form time to time. I try to be as AP as possible with my DD, but we don't cosleep for a number of reasons. We room shared until she was about 2.5 months, then for some reason one night I just put her in her crib to see how she'd do. She slept wonderfully! 8-10 hours, then nursed, then back down for another 2-3. Her mood improved greatly...she was a VERY colicky baby. Everything was looking up.
Then at 4 months she started waking up frequently and it's only gotten worse. She just turned 7 months and I'm still getting up every 45 min - 1.5 hours on most nights to nurse her back to sleep. That's the ONLY way she'll go back to sleep. No paci, rocking, music, nothing...only the boob. She'll latch then instantly close her eyes...no real sucking or nursing.
Out of desperation tonight I tried Ferber. I know it's not very AP, but I HAVE to get a little sleep. I don't mind getting up with her a couple times a night, but every 45 minutes is just crazy. She cried for 30 minutes with me going in there and reassuring her I still existed every 5 minutes. She finally wore herself out and is now asleep (for now anyway). I feel like I should feel good about this, but I just feel mean. The last time I was in there she was doing the whole sobbing/sniffling/out of breath thing and it made me so sad.
I'm hoping that it will help her fall back to sleep on her own since she'll be in the same place she was when she fell asleep in the first place. I know in the long run, she'll never remember it, but I just feel like she's going to lose trust in me. I want to make sure she knows I'll be there for her whenever she needs me and for whatever reason. Is this just terribly un-AP of me? :-(
Re: Lurker popping in...Am I a mean mama? :-(
You can't function waking up every 45 minutes, and she needs sleep.
You didn't let her CIO because you're lazy and didn't want to be bothered, you obviously have tried other methods that didn't work. You're not mean, she's not going to lose trust in you, and you are there for whatever she needs- right now she needs sleep. Just keep reminding yourself- you both NEED sleep. I'm sorry you're having a tough time- hang in there mama!
I know it's hard to handle hearing them cry. I am in the minority, but I feel that teaching her how to sleep on her own (if you have done the research and follow a sleep training program correctly), to be one of the most AP things you can ever do for your child. She needs to sleep, and if she are waking up every hour, cannot possible get the sleep she needs.
:hugs: It's hard, but you will all be getting the sleep you so desperate need.
You are not a mean mama at all! Both you and DD need sleep, not just to feel normal (which is nice for sure
) but for your overall health and well being. If you haven't heard of the 4 month wakeful period you might google it but basically it sound like you guys hit it hard and she never came out of it ( in a nutshell when babies become more aware of their surroundings they have a harder time going to sleep, exciting world out there 
).
I'll tell you that with my 1st we did Ferber at 7 months with him and I quit it after 5 nights because he wasn't falling asleep any faster. Biggest.regret.of.my.life!!!!! At 7 months he was taking 20-25 min to fall asleep with 10 min of crying and the rest off and on crying/fussing/whining. At 15 months he still wasn't STTN, wouldn't go to sleep without a bottle and rocking and I was due any day with #2 so we tried again. It was horrific, he jumped up and down in his crib screaming and crying and he never would fall asleep, he started waking up more at night and it was simply horrible, god awful. He's now closing in on 4 and still can't fall asleep by himself and although he STTN most of the time he often wants to sleep with us or shows up in the night (which we're fine with). I feel like I ruined his sleep, had I just stuck with things at 7 months he would have gotten it for sure because it wasn't that bad and he's have a lifelong ability to sleep well instead of a lifelong road of crappy sleep.
With DS #2 when he started having sleep regressions we found that he freaked with Ferber but did really well with pure extinction (no going in at all) and after a few nights of 10 min of crying he was done with waking up at 2am. He's a happier kid all the way around then #1 and a big factor is sleep. On the rare nights that #1 has an awesome night of sleep he's a different kid all day, it's startling how different he is with an extra hour of sleep.
Your daughter really sounds like she needs the sleep and she needs the nudge, think of the long term benefits. One thing that helped me to was to think about what my sons different cries sounded like during the daytime and really memorize his pissed off cry, once I did that I realized that 95% of the time his crying at night was "I'm so pissed off that you're making me go to sleep and I don't want to". It made it easier because I realized it was just another tantrum and not that he was freaked out about being in there.
I agree with this 1000%. Not sleeping for more than 45 minutes at a time isn't good for anybody.
Bar tab = $156,000, Bus to Foxwoods = $0, Puking in the Stanley Cup = Priceless
I cant say it any better. This is 100% truth. I tried every no cry sleep book out there. I still had to do CIO. And now my kid is happier.
It's ok, you are not mean. You are actually helping her in the long run by showing her how to sleep. I am SO glad my child is not dependent on me for sleep.
Francesca Pearl is here! Josephine Hope is almost 3!
I generally tend to be anti-CIO.
With that being said, if your child was sleeping so poorly that it was affecting her negatively (and I imagine being up every 45 minutes does) and you tried all the other no cry sleep methods without success, you did what you had to do. Don't feel guilt over it. It would have been worse to let her continue to sleep that poorly.
This. Extinction methods (gradual or otherwise) don't work for Ari - he gets so ridiculously worked up that it ends up adding another hour & a half or more to get him to go to sleep. Ari had medical issues complicating his sleep for the entire 1st year of his life, and we're still dealing with the repercussions of him never learning to sleep well.
You aren't going to be a very good mama on so little sleep, & it's not like you've been letting her cry every night for several hours for weeks on end. I hope she catches on quickly & you can all get better sleep soon.
I agree.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
You aren't at all mean. I tried this at 9 months and soooo wish it had worked. It actually changed DS's personality for the 4 days we tried it, and it wasn't worth it to us to continue making him so insecure and clingy. I know a lot of people that it has worked for, though!
IF it doesn't work for you, what helped us out tremendously (because I was in the same boat as you til 9 months, including the sleeping great til 4mo part) was DH taking on a lot of the night time duty. He worked full time and I was a SAHM, but it got to the point that I couldnt' do my very important job during the day because I wasn't getting any sleep at night, and so he had to help more at night. DH would go to DS when he woke up, and would do whatever he had to do to get him back to sleep without nursing every other waking. It didn't take long for DS to catch on that it wasn't worth getting all bent out of shape that he wasn't getting to nurse every hour, and he started being able to put himself back to sleep better. He only wakes up once or twice a night now.DS still cried a lot, but he cried in DH's arms, which DS reacted far better to, and we all ended up getting better sleep!
All of this exactly, just insert Jax for Ari! You both need to sleep better for everyone's health and well being. Good luck!!!