Would this bother you?

BeccaMarie · September 2011

Scenario:

new mom posts on FB "only two days of maternity leave left, :'( 7 weeks just isn't enough..."

New mom's MIL immediately responds, "you should have taken more. Everyone I know takes 12 weeks. That time is just too important to you and your daughter"

If you were the new mom, would you be upset/hurt by MIL's comment?

BeccaMarie · September 2011

And now I'll confess to what my hormonal self did.

first of all, new mom obviously doesn't feel ready to go back to work, so I think it goes without saying that if she *could* take more time off, she would have

... I sent MIL a FB message suggesting that she go back and re-read her comment from the perspectiveof a hormonal new mom, who obviously isn't feeling ready to go back to work. I commented that if it were me, the comment would have upset me, and that I might consider apologizing about how it came across.

my message to the MIL didn't go over well, lol - but she did tame her FB comment, which was my end intention anyway - I would want someone to stick up for me if my MiL was being a ***!

ridesbuttons · September 2011

If you post something like that on fb, then you need to steel yourself against responses like that.

mylittlesunshine · September 2011

It would be hurtful...I too didn't have a choice when I went back at 6 weeks. So I moved on and figure if anyone have a problem with it then too bad.

D&HMom · September 2011

ridesbuttons:

If you post something like that on fb, then you need to steel yourself against responses like that.

perhaps from a friend but from your mil? who is supposed to be part of your support system. Family should never throw family under the bus publicly even if you disagree with their choices.

I would be highly offended, you did the right thing pointing out how wrong it is.

vmm0016 · September 2011

I was only able to take 6 weeks because it was unpaid and DH had gotten laid off while I was pregnant. So, yes this would upset me too!

Amy&Anthony · September 2011

ouch....guess I am not everyone else, either I only had 8 weeks. yes I would be upset, and I am sorry that she said that to you. Its just not right.

myself1nme · September 2011

BeccaMarie:
And now I'll confess to what my hormonal self did.

first of all, new mom obviously doesn't feel ready to go back to work, so I think it goes without saying that if she *could* take more time off, she would have

... I sent MIL a FB message suggesting that she go back and re-read her comment from the perspectiveof a hormonal new mom, who obviously isn't feeling ready to go back to work. I commented that if it were me, the comment would have upset me, and that I might consider apologizing about how it came across.

my message to the MIL didn't go over well, lol - but she did tame her FB comment, which was my end intention anyway - I would want someone to stick up for me if my MiL was being a ***!

Good for you for saying something. I probably wouldn't have the guts to say something. It's probably easier that the MIL is upset with you insted of the new mommy. I was unemployed when I had DS and was really upset about having to go back to work and all MIL could say is "well, I went back to work 2 weeks after I had my 1st" UGH! I wanted to strangle her!

OscarQ · September 2011

Good for you for sticking up for the new mom. I have a friend who's sister went back to work after being home a year - her MIL will not get off her back about how's she's failing as a mother. She should stay at home blah blah blah. Luckily the mom is tough as nails and knows the MIL is batty but still, not a pleasant situation.

Amy_Schiz · September 2011

yes, it would annoy me, and I'd probably reply with something snarky like: "I would love to take 12 weeks! Maybe you can foot the bill and cover my 5 weeks pay for us...would you?"

kimbo1216 · September 2011

Yep! Especially considering I only took 4 weeks. Not everyone can afford to take more and not every gets paid while on ML. I would have said something starky back like: "Well. If you would like to pay my salary for the next 5 weeks, then I'd be happy to stay home longer."

D&HMom · September 2011

CTGirl30:
D&HMom:
ridesbuttons:

If you post something like that on fb, then you need to steel yourself against responses like that.

perhaps from a friend but from your mil? who is supposed to be part of your support system. Family should never throw family under the bus publicly even if you disagree with their choices.

I would be highly offended, you did the right thing pointing out how wrong it is.

Could you please tell this to my BIL & SIL? Both of whom threw me under the bus very publicly on FB when I was only 9 days postpartum. I'm still very angry about their sanctimonious soap box speeches and I deleted their obnoxious comments rather than respond them. To which one of them unfriended me. Lame. Luckily they live in another state so I don't have to see them very often.

As far as the original question goes, yes - I'd be upset and I think you did the right thing to quietly ask her to rethink her (insensitive) comment. I'm sure the new mom would have loved to have had more time - if it had been an option! Clearly, it wasn't. So why throw salt in the sore spot???

I'd love too! Say what you want in private but publicly you support each other! At least they can't write bad things on your wall anymore! I would unfriend people who were rude to me!

tusshie2004 · September 2011

I would have been very upset. I was lucky enough to have 4 months with DS before I went back to work.

1026pumpkin · September 2011

It would have bothered me! Good for you for sticking up for your friend!

lindsay.lou · September 2011

Wow. I'm bothered by that comment and it wasn't even said to me!

Did MIL reply to your PM? Good for you for sticking up for the new mom!

shannm · September 2011

Yes, I would have told my ignorant MIL to shut her trap and join us in 2011.

karencz · September 2011

I think that was rather inconsiderate of the MIL because I don't think she thought about what she was saying. Good for you for saying something! That new mom has a lot going on I'm sure and the comment was NOT going to help her!

Pesky · September 2011

ridesbuttons:
If you post something like that on fb, then you need to steel yourself against responses like that.

This and especially from family. Family can oftentimes be the most insensitive in the guise of being "honest". She should probably get used to just ignoring these kind of things because it won't be the first or last time someone tells her how she should be acting as a parent. Whether or not I said something would likely depend on how close I was to the mom.

alli2672 · September 2011

Yes. I would be upset, but part of me would be secretly glad that other people got to see how nutty my MIL is.

shouldbworkin · September 2011

It really doesn't take much from my MIL to get me going, so yah that would totally get under my skin. I think it was pretty clear in the FB update that she didn't want to go back to work and wouldn't if she didn't have to for some reason. No need for the guilt trip.

historychick79 · September 2011

Yes--I went back FT at 9wks, and was very torn about it; but I didn't have any more accruals and couldn't afford to go off payroll (which would affect insurance enrollment and retirement too). I get that if you post on FB that you leave yourself open to others' comments, but I would hope everyone I had 'friended' would realize I had thought about something like that and had a reason for my choice.

catrinawaves · September 2011

Yes, it would have absolutely bothered me! But I get angry about the lack of maternity and parental leave in this country, in general. Hearing about mothers who have to go back to work at 6 weeks...it's just so wrong. I think it's shameful that the only federally mandated leave is unpaid, and even that doesn't apply to all workers. Good for you for sticking up for her!

BKHeightsGirl · September 2011

I would've replied, on facebook, with "go eff yourself". Yes, even if it were my mother in law who made the comment. But I'm a b i t c h! LOL.

northtamarack · September 2011

If my MIL posted that, it would be pretty tame in comparison to the other things she has said/done, so I would have taken it with a grain of salt.

That said, I could totally see how a new, hormonal mom could be very unhappy with the statement.

Angel0423 · September 2011

vmm0016:
I was only able to take 6 weeks because it was unpaid and DH had gotten laid off while I was pregnant. So, yes this would upset me too!

this. i was the only one working when lo was born (still am). i wanted to take more time but couldn't. i posted something similar on my fb (not being ready to go back to work monday) and got a response from someone i haven't seen since highschool telling me i should wait until baby was older... um... ok, of course i should, would if i could, but i can't and YOU'RE NOT HELPING! lol

liliansiling · September 2011

yes very much...

sprky79 · September 2011

ridesbuttons:
If you post something like that on fb, then you need to steel yourself against responses like that.

I assume you are talking about the MIL, because if I am the new mom in this situation I cannot possibly understand why I have to steel myself against my "friends" treating me like a$$holes...

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