s/o Judging, I Totally Judged This Mom
webMistress0609
member
I totally judged this mom I saw at the mall yesterday for her handling of tantrums.
Her son was probably 6 or 7. This kid threw 3 tantrums that I witnessed. Each one was an over the top-flailing on the ground-growling & yelling-hitting type of tantrum. Why a kid that age is throwing tantrums like that is questionable anyway, but maybe he has some psychological issue or something, right?
Except @ each tantrum, the mom would spank him, bribe him with candy, then list off all the things she let him do in the last 24 hours (stay up late, have Apple Jacks & pop for breakfast, buy him toys) & therefore he shouldn't be throwing yet another tantrum. One of the candy bribes was a king size Snickers bar.
I wanted to take that kid home, feed him a wholesome meal & put him to bed at like 8:00. He was obviously so sugared out & tired.
All right, go ahead & flame me for judging.
Re: s/o Judging, I Totally Judged This Mom
I wouldn't doubt that the child had special needs. If he doesn't, he probably needs professional help now since his behavior has been handled so poorly.
I honestly felt bad for the both of them - mom must be miserable if her kid is that "bad", & the kid is miserable too. But if things are that screwed up & it's been going on for seemingly ages, get some help from an expert, kwim?
I'd judge too, probably even if it was obvious he had special needs. How in todays day and age a parent doesn't realize that feeding soda and candy goes hand in hand with hyperactivity is beyond me, yet it continues to happen. And if he does have special needs, it seems like there should be help available to help the family learn how to handle the boy more effectively, even if they are at a low income level.
Obviously, my kid is only 15 months, so I have no idea on raising an older child, much less a special needs child, but geez.
now that I have a two year old, I really never think to judge when I see any small child throw a tantrum. even at age 6 or 7 kids can get so frustrated that their emotions can overwhelm them.
however, I think I would also (inwardly) judge handling the tantrum that way. a snickers? dear lord. you'd think by age 6 you'd know that's a bad idea.
one of the worst tantrums that my son threw in public was after I let him eat half of a giant doughnut at Starbucks. I knew I shouldn't have let him have that much sugar at one time, but I was enjoying my coffee and he was clearly enjoying the doughnut, so I let him keep eating. I was all "oh, why shouldn't he have a treat?" Ha! Then, less than an hour later, he morphed into a demon at the shoe store where I was trying to get his feet measured for new shoes. I was wondering if someone was going to call the police on me assuming that I had just done something terrible to him with the way he was screaming. he had never done anything like that before.
live and learn, right? ;-)
of course, now that he is two, it happens more frequently for no good reason. but fortunately for us, he saves his "best" tantrums for me and DH at home :-)
Poor kiddo...and poor momma.
Thats really sad, the poor kids has probably never had any structure hence the tantrum.
DD2 | June 2011
DS1 | Oct 2013
ADD3 | Oct 2014 (April 2001)
DS2 | June 2016
DS3 | Dec 2018
Due with baby blob August 2021
First off, I find all these judgy posts to be so funny. I totally judge all.the.time, but deep down realize that everyone has their own issues and everyone is dealing the best they can. Judging is kind of like a topic of conversation for me and DH. "did you see that lady/guy/kid do this or that? OMG." And yes, I'm sure people judge me all the time. I just think it's funny we talk about it so much on TB.
Anyway, I can already see that DD has some sugar issues. DH has them too. She had a tiny bit of chocolate right before bed the other night and was bouncing off the walls. Then, the other day we had sorbet and she was all over the place for a good hour after that. If DH has coke or anything with sugar, especially HFCS, he is jittery and can't sleep for hours.
I totally judge people who make unhealthy food choices for their children, but it's probably because they were raised on the same type of food as kids, so it's a cycle, and it can be difficult to change or to know better
I have a FB "friend" who gives her kid ice cream and other fatty foods because he is on the low end of the weight chart. Completely normal, just "too skinny" (according to her). Sad thing is the dad's obese and the kid will probably eventually be as well. She said her pedi recommends it. I'm not a dr. and I obviously don't know the complete picture, but if my pedi recommended that I feed my perfectly healthy child full fat, full sugar ice cream every night for health reasons I would hightail it out of there so freakin fast.
To top it all off she also complains about how wild he is. Really? Shocker.
Someone's going to grow up to work in an S&M Lounge. Sorry. I'm only partially kidding. I think...
Mac and cheese lover!
Ugh! (Sorry for hi-jacking the post, but this part really made me cringe because that was 100% how my mom was with me!) I was the world's skinniest child. I remember I weighed something like 69 lbs at 6th grade weigh-in and 85 lbs during a lot of high school. And my mom would "make" me have a milkshake each day, and during first grade, I had to stay in during recess with the teacher and "eat a snack." (I completely remember her discussing her "milkshake plan" with my pediatrician, and he told my parents who are 4'11" and 5'6" that I was FINE considering their size).
I always took dance lessons (I actually majored in dance for most of college), but when I wanted to start jogging, my mom would complain that I was getting "bulky" and "muscular" and criticize me until I stopped.
Once again, sorry for the hi-jacking of the thread, but I read that part and seriously felt like I was having flashbacks to my crazy, abusive childhood. Thank G-d for therapy!
Mac and cheese lover!
Ugh, I'm sorry that sounds awful! I hate when parents put their body image issues on their kids!
Ahh the judging cycle. I am sure I was judged too as I raised a child who didn't eat solids until 2.5. From 1 year old, we offered him anything possible to entice him to eat, candy, chocolate, decaf coffee, all of those things were offered at one point or another. Chocolate ice cream was his first food and I am so, so glad I broke all the rules to get him to eat. So enjoy judging me.
That said, I judge as well, I just always try to remember there may be a significant back story. In the case of the OP, the back story is clearly that terrible food choices contribute to the bad behavior in a cyclical manner, who knows how much more there is to the story. It's a shame for the child and the parents.
Terrible food choices seem to be what everyone took away from this, but the staying up late & spanking were probably contributors as well. I forgot to mention in the OP that when her son was in the play area, she was hovering over him & barking out orders as to how to play properly. As in "climb this way, slide that way, stop pretending that, it's dumb." The whole thing was a train wreck, honestly. And as much as I judged the mom's lack of parenting skills, I felt so awful for that family. Her ignorance (& we're assuming ignorance, not some underlying issue) is obviously creating a miserable situation for both of them.
I feel for them. I'm willing to bet that the mom realizes she's making poor choices but is perhaps so overwhelmed that she doesn't know how to deal with this behavior in a more constructive manner.
But on a side note, these judging posts are amusing. Everyone judges. Some people think I'm a softie who will end up with a spoiled brat. Whatever. I honestly get tired of seeing how many posters over here act like they are walking on egg shells so as not to offend the rest of the Bump. This post generated an interesting discussion. The other judging post about the overuse of baby buckets had the potential to start a decent discussion but since everyone is so afraid to offend people, it just became an example of why this board has become pretty dull.
The only problem I see with judging is when the judger becomes a complete a**hole about it by shoving "scientific studies" in peoples' faces or deciding that they can't be friends with someone who lets their kid CIO. Discussing things like the overuse of baby containers and poor discipline with other like-minded parents on a forum is not a big deal. This is why the AP board is here.
This sounds like my niece. She is 7 years old and acts like she is 2 years old. We went to lunch one day and she had a fit. My MIL kept bribing her with candy and my SIL just sat there as if nothing was wrong. My DH was about to get a hold of her and take her outside for a talk. When DH does make her behave she listens to him, she may not like it but she listens. He does not put up with that type of behavior, but his brother will not listen. He always tells us they have it under control. I guess that is why she decided to paint all their furniture with gold paint the other day.
The main things I see with my niece is they are not consistent or use bribing. They will tell her a million times to stop or something will be taken away. They never follow through with want they tell her. I feel you have to be consistent when it comes to kids. Just like our dog, we trained her with positive techniques, but we were consistent (only telling her once, only getting a treat if she listen the first time, etc?) I just keep telling DH this is going to get worse as she gets older and he agrees. It is frustrating to us because want to help but they will not listen to anyone.
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I judge people who hit children.
general poor parenting gets my empathy, but hitting? inexcusable.
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You big bad person for wanting to nourish a kid that is obviously begging for it! Shame on you!
I didn't read the thread before posting so I'm sure I'm repeating a PP but I think some parents mistake distractions with bribes. Obviously a kid is going to be distracted by the thought of a king size snicker bar but wouldn't it be better to let that kid have a time out - most kids don't like shopping so you have to find ways to make it fun. Go in somewhere and find whacky things to put on or see how people react to you walking backward through the stores.
I was just like this little boy when I was a kid. I still love Apple Jacks and keep a box for myself while my 2 yo eats Kashi, whole wheat blueberry waffles, and kiwi for breakfast (sometimes he gets chocolate milk or orange juice). LOL DH was so proud when he got me to switch from Captain Crunch to Peanut Butter Bumpers. I threw a fit like a 6 year old kid too.