crying in the bathroom...again

EclairAngst · August 2011

I feel like, emotionally, I'm back to the first few weeks after our last loss. (And the Universe laughs from on high at my idea of TTC again in October.)

Yesterday I got together with a couple of girlfriends who I rarely get to see and their sons. Of all my girlfriends, these two know the most about what's been going on with us - they're actually the only ones who know anything. I'm cool with their LOs and even the fact that the one is pregnant again. I really thought I was good.

Then, about halfway through lunch, I could tell I was going to lose it. I had to excuse myself and go sit in the bathroom stall to cry. And not just the kind of cry where you get a few tears out and that pulls you back together. Oh no. Full on can't-catch-my-breath crying and sniffling and even some sweating (because it was hot in there). Not pretty.

And then I cried on my way home and then again when I got home. It's not the crying that bothers me, but where the eff is this coming from? I had finally started to feel a little bit stable again and like we might go through with TTC again in October. Clearly, I'm not as ready as I thought.

Rawr08 · August 2011

Oh hun I am so so sorry. I don't think it's that you aren't "ready", it's just a hard road we are on. Our emotions run high and anything can set them off. I am so sorry you had such a hard time at lunch. I would totally sit and cry with you in the bathroom if I lived closer.

I feel ya girl. After we got DH's SA results back I cried for over 30 min in the bathroom at work. Keep your head up, I hope today is a better day for you.

*hugs*

heathergirl67 · August 2011

Sometimes the nagging "it's never gonna happen" thoughts and feelings that get pushed to the back of my brain come up and overwhelm me all at once. It sounds like that might have happened to you, too. I'm sorry, it sucks. I hope you feel better.

CashewsMommy · August 2011

Oh hun I am so sorry!! {{{hugs}}}

csquared426 · August 2011

Oh hun, I am so, so sorry.

((HUGS))

LilMaggs · August 2011

heathergirl67:
Sometimes the nagging "it's never gonna happen" thoughts and feelings that get pushed to the back of my brain come up and overwhelm me all at once. It sounds like that might have happened to you, too. I'm sorry, it sucks. I hope you feel better.

This is what happens to me. I had a massive ugly cry last night too. You're not alone *hugs*

millejj1 · August 2011

I'm so sorry. Big huge hugs!

Carolee · August 2011

Giant (((HUGS))). Those moments are so hard...I can completely relate to feeling stable to feeling really down.

EclairAngst · August 2011

heathergirl67:
Sometimes the nagging "it's never gonna happen" thoughts and feelings that get pushed to the back of my brain come up and overwhelm me all at once. It sounds like that might have happened to you, too. I'm sorry, it sucks. I hope you feel better.

This really hit it on the head for me. Something about the start of school... for the little ones, clear up through those going off to college.. it's really gotten to me. I've had a lot of "I'll never get to..." moments lately and I guess they were just adding up and surfaced altogether yesterday.

Thanks for the support, ladies. I know you all know this, but it means a lot to be able to come here with this. I feel pretty alone when what I'm feeling is so ugly that I don't even want to share with the few friends I have that kind of understand.

EclairAngst · August 2011

I'm really not much of a crier, either, which I think makes it even more disconcerting to have that much emotion coming out. I know it's good to get it out but I still feel pathetic to have to sit in a restaurant restroom crying just to make it the rest of the way through lunch.

cutebride73 · August 2011

(((hugs))) I really think, no matter how far you've come it's going to hit hard once in awhile. Especially when you are still on the TTC road. I know I had a serious meltdown on Sunday. AF started later that night, so that may have had something to do with it, but some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks. After everything we've all been through, we all deserve a good cry.

butterfly843 · August 2011

Sending lots of hugs your way. I've had plenty of times that I had to excuse myself and cry in the bathroom.

EclairAngst · September 2011

cutebride73:
(((hugs))) I really think, no matter how far you've come it's going to hit hard once in awhile. Especially when you are still on the TTC road. I know I had a serious meltdown on Sunday. AF started later that night, so that may have had something to do with it, but some days it just hits me like a ton of bricks. After everything we've all been through, we all deserve a good cry.

True that. True. That.

crying in the bathroom...again

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