Ladies who have dealt with IF....

jalaiaa · August 2011

DH and I have 3 friends who are currently dealing with IF. Is there a good way/better way for us to tell them that we are pregnant? I know not everyone is the same, and I know that even though they will be happy for us, it has got to be a bit painful. I didn't know if there was an easier way to hear the news.

kimarino13 · August 2011

I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

kmb585 · August 2011

I dealt with trouble getting pg, but wouldn't go as far to call it "IF" (i.e. took a year to concieve this pg which was due to eventually using Clomid b/c of my crappy PCOS ovaries Angry ) .

But prior to this pg, my BFF and I found out we were pg on the same day and I unfortunately m/c that pg. I am not gonna lie it hurt to see her getting her bump, but she was SOOOO amazing throughout the whole thing and really encouraged me to believe that I was destined to have more children, plus she always let me complain about the "2 week wait" and didn't rub her pregnancy in my face and only shared details when I asked - which I tried to do often so that it was not all about me.

There isn't really an easy way to share the news IMO, but if you are close I would definitely rather hear the news face to face rather than through the grapevine.

leecrystalwed08 · August 2011

Face to face and and before they find out from someone else.

I was never mad that a few of my friends got KU (no matter what I was hurt and just upset it wasn't me) but one friend couldn't even tell me herself and I was so upset with her! She stayed in her bedroom while her DH told us, really dumb move but I understand she felt bad too.

Congrats to you and if you would like my advice, keep up with your friends progress with IF even during your pregnancy...it's nice to know someone cares!

(EDIT: I would be really upset if I got an email...but that's just me. I guess it depends how close you are)

schoolsoutbride · August 2011

kimarino13:
I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

Ditto.

RedWingsFan · August 2011

kimarino13:

I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

I agree with this. Being told by a phone call or in person was so hard because I felt like my reaction wasn't the pure joy that they would expect (and that I wanted to be able to give them), you know?

OrangeSmoke · August 2011

RedWingsFan:
kimarino13:

I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

I agree with this. Being told by a phone call or in person was so hard because I felt like my reaction wasn't the pure joy that they would expect (and that I wanted to be able to give them), you know?

This exactly. In person sucks because I felt like I was getting a pity party and I was forced to smile and say.. oh no big deal... I can deal. I'm so thrilled for you.

nikinikinine · August 2011

kimarino13:
I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

This exactly.

UsedToBeGoldie · August 2011

kimarino13:

I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

this. I think email allows them to deal the way they want - cry, scream, or just smile and be happy - but doesn't force them to act sweet if they aren't feeling so great at that minute if you did it in person/phone, etc.

Let them know you are telling them via email because you know that it might be bitter sweet, etc - and you want them to know- hear it from YOU first - but not feel forced to act happy if they aren't - and that's OK with you - b/c you know what they are going through is hard, etc.

kthappy76 · August 2011

Everyone is different. Pregnancy announcements don't bother me, but some people can't handle them. I would just say to try to be as sensitive as possible, as you don't necessarily know what kind of day they are having.

ougrad1 · August 2011

Such a hard thing. I would be hard pressed to tell them as well.

TLS091606 · August 2011

I think in person is the best way. It will allow you to talk about what you have been through and that it worked - it is an uplifting story for anyone even if they are experiencing IF. It may keep their hopes up that it will happen too...you never know just be there for them regardless of their income. Let them know that you understand what they are going through and you will always be there to help them through the process - that certainly helped me and my hubby as you tend to think of yourself on an island and that no one understands that it is really the complete opposite of the truth.

atc282 · August 2011

I feel you should announce in the manner you feel most comfortable doing and feel you can the most sensitive in doing. If emails aren't your normal means of communication with that friend or if you're better at saying things than writing them, go with a call or an in-person announcement.

While that is very thoughtful of you to be considerate of their feelings, I think most importantly, it's that they hear the news from you and not through the grapevine. They will appreciate you telling them and not hearing it.

FWIW, even though it was very painful sometimes to digest the fact that some of my friends--my sister even--got pg w/o trying or on the 1st month TTC, I was honestly happy for them and it gave me hope that my BFP would someday be something to announce, too. It's different to hear/see pg friends/family than co-workers, acquaintances, etc.

GL

togagirl · August 2011

E-mail or text, then you don't have to worry about how to react. I remember finding out one couple we know got pregnant the first month trying and I just had a complete meltdown. I was glad I was alone.

LakeGenevaBride · August 2011

I really appreciated a simple email announcement. I guess it depends on where they are in their IF journey, but for me, an in person announcement was awful. I usually just wanted to cry and have a pity party but I had to sit there and act thrilled. It sounds awful to say that, but IF is awful to go through.

Eriksgal · August 2011

I agree with an email. I always hated being blindsided in person and me trying to put on a happy face.

Kristen61607 · August 2011

absolutely an email or text. Don't put them on the spot for them to put on a fake smile and congratulate you. I know that sounds harsh but now matter how good of friends you are it stings bad when a close friend is pregnant. and preferably reach out to the male first (the husband) so he can tell his wife, as IF is usually way harder on women than on men and he'll be able to tell his wife in a gentle way.

mrsmac08 · August 2011

I agree with the email so that the person can have whatever reaction they need to have. No matter how happy they are for you, it will remind them of their situation and it could cause emotions that they can't control...and then they might feel badly if they started crying when you announced your good news.

cocojack10 · August 2011

I'd def have them hear it from you first... even if email.

SIL/BIL were pg with #3 while we were undergoing IVF... and I found out about the pg at the end of the evening (after they told the entire party), which I found absolutely inappropriate. DH should have been the first to know his brother was going to have another child.

caden · August 2011

kimarino13:
I think everyone is different, but it seems the overwhelming consensus is an email so they have time to process and can reach out to you when ready.

Yup.

doz&koz · August 2011

I don't know that there is any way to tell them that will ease the blow. Just be sensitive and not braggy. I'll never forget getting a phone call that a good friend of mine was pregnant. I was so happy for her, but it still felt like being stabbed in the chest after everything we'd been going through with no success.

kelfeen · August 2011

another vote for email... and preferably at the end of the day or evening so you are slapped in the face with it first thing in the morning when you get to work....

monkski · August 2011

Just tell them the same way you would if they weren't dealing with IF. It still hurt like hell to see my friends get pregnant (especially for the 2nd or 3rd time in the time span we were trying), but I wasn't hurt at them, just for myself and I really was happy for them. I would've been more hurt if they would've tipped toed around me or made me feel like a sob story.

jalaiaa · August 2011

Thanks. I appreciate the replies.

JakesBride07 · September 2011

I dealt with this when I got pg with the twins (SIL is battling IF and while we were battling it too, she wasn't open to discussing her struggles). We were encouraged to tell her about IVF cycle so it wouldn't be a total shock and then when we found out it worked DH sat down with just her and told her. When she congratulated me, I thanked her and told her that the ball was in her court, if she asked I'd tell, if she didn't I wouldn't.

I think it all depends on how close you really are with them. I just wouldn't do it in a crowd and I would give them time to process.

Ladies who have dealt with IF....

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