Single Parents

Looking for some insight/advice

I know that technically this should go onto the Blended Families board. However, I lurk and post on this board and feel the most comfortable over here. So here it goes...

As some of you have probably noticed (by my shiny new ticker down below) that yes I am getting married. My difficulties are that my FI wants to adopt DD. Now I know (if anyone remembers any of my story) that her bio dad isn't really in the picture. He did join the navy, I am now just starting to receive CS, and yet he doesn't seem to care. He is still 3000 miles away and doesn't call or ask about DD. So he really is only doing the CS because he has to.

The big issue is that I know already that he doesn't really care about DD, yet he is keeping from helping with the adoption just because I have moved on. I don't think spite is a good reason to keep from letting a man (my FI) who completely loves, cares for, raises, and supports my DD from being her true legal father. I just don't know what to do. 

This whole situation sucks. I have someone who walked out on me, cheated on me, claimed DD wasn't his, and doesn't want to be a father keeping the rights to being DD's father away from someone who really wants it. Any advice?

Also, I completely understand that this may have been a better question for the blended families board. I just am not as comfortable over there as I am with all of you lovely ladies. I'm in that odd in between place. So any advice would be amazing. Thanks! 

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Re: Looking for some insight/advice

  • In some states, they require you to be married to the step father for at least a year before they will consider allowing your new H to adopt.

    Legal papers don't make a family.  People who love each other do.  If he's going to be the daddy, he's going to be the daddy whether a judge says he can or not.  Daddy is an action verb.  Daddy is the parent who checks again that there isn't any monsters under the bed, he's there for doctor appointments and school plays. He fixes things like broken toys and then later broken hearts.

    My best advice is to figure out the laws in your state, but really to cool your jets.  He doesn't need to adopt your LO to be the daddy.  

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  • I'd collect child support and save it for your DD. One of my good friends is married to a man that has, almost since day one, been her daughter's father. The child's bio dad saw her at birth, and that was it. He doesn't care to see her at all, but his child support has put her in a really nice private preschool.

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  • imageDarthNBJenni:
    I'd collect child support and save it for your DD. One of my good friends is married to a man that has, almost since day one, been her daughter's father. The child's bio dad saw her at birth, and that was it. He doesn't care to see her at all, but his child support has put her in a really nice private preschool.

    This is great advice.   

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  • imagesweetie0228:

    In some states, they require you to be married to the step father for at least a year before they will consider allowing your new H to adopt.

    Legal papers don't make a family.  People who love each other do.  If he's going to be the daddy, he's going to be the daddy whether a judge says he can or not.  Daddy is an action verb.  Daddy is the parent who checks again that there isn't any monsters under the bed, he's there for doctor appointments and school plays. He fixes things like broken toys and then later broken hearts.

    My best advice is to figure out the laws in your state, but really to cool your jets.  He doesn't need to adopt your LO to be the daddy.  

    Yeah, I guess I am just frustrated. My FI has been such a wonderful dad. He says that nothing will change how he feels for DD. He for some reason is very set in adopting her. I have already told him that we would have to wait for probably a year or two before we can even start the adoption process. Mostly because it will give time for DD's bio dad to lose interest in DD again and for us to get the money to go to court over it. I mean, just the legal fees for an adoption in our state that goes perfectly smooth is between 2-3 grand. We don't have that kind of cash right now.

    However, thank you very much for all the advice. Also, I have been putting her CS into her IRA. I was thinking of looking at the private school around here to use it on or college. :) 

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