Kicked out of a funeral

Mrs. Mo · August 2011

DH's maternal grandmother passed away over the weekend and the funeral was this morning. We got there right when the visiting hours started and were expecting to stay the entire time and make our way to the cemetary.

1.5 hours into the visiting hours, DH's father comes over to me and tells me that I should not be a martyr and that he thinks it's best that I leave. I tried to put up a "fight" in saying that I have been perfectly comfortable sitting on one of the comfy chairs and have not had any issues. But, he insisted saying that sitting there where I can't put my feet up isn't good and that the cemetary will be too hot for me to stand around in. I tried to tell him I would be ok, but nope, he wasn't hearing it. So, to not cause a scene, I agreed and left. I just feel aweful about leaving, even though I was told to. Backstory: DH's father is probably the most over cautious person we have ever met and worries that any little thing can cause problems with the baby.

Fianschneid · August 2011

While I'm sure it was over the top, it was nice of him to think of your comfort. You put in an appearance. I'm sure the family recognizes and appreciates that.

UGADawg8 · August 2011

How did you H react?? It's nice that he's concerned about you but at the same time, you are an adult and are capable of deciding for yourself if you need to leave.

LCass · August 2011

You have no reason to feel bad about leaving, but I know what you mean. And it's so frustrating when everyone around you thinks they know what's best for you! There's only so much resistance you can put up, I find. On Saturday we went to a baby shower and I was standing, chatting with the aunt/uncle/cousins and parents of the father-to-be. Several of them kept trying to get me to take their chair and I politely refused (I was actually kind of tired of sitting all the time!). Finally the father of the father-to-be insisted I take his chair by threatening me! I sat, because I figured it was just going to keep being a big deal until I did, but it was frustrating. It's sweet that people are concerned, but we are grown women and can decide for ourselves if we need to sit, leave, whatever. In your case, the important thing is that you showed your support for the family, paid your respects and had the best of intentions about staying for the whole thing.

Ariana2O11 · August 2011

I'd definitely be caught off guard if someone suggested that to me, but it's kind of cute that he was thinking of your needs.

sytom · August 2011

I was really scared to read your post!!! I'm so sorry this happened to you, but it's so nice of him! I would feel bad too, then again, his concerns seem really genuine.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Mrs. Mo · August 2011

LCass:
You have no reason to feel bad about leaving, but I know what you mean. And it's so frustrating when everyone around you thinks they know what's best for you! There's only so much resistance you can put up, I find. On Saturday we went to a baby shower and I was standing, chatting with the aunt/uncle/cousins and parents of the father-to-be. Several of them kept trying to get me to take their chair and I politely refused (I was actually kind of tired of sitting all the time!). Finally the father of the father-to-be insisted I take his chair by threatening me! I sat, because I figured it was just going to keep being a big deal until I did, but it was frustrating. It's sweet that people are concerned, but we are grown women and can decide for ourselves if we need to sit, leave, whatever. In your case, the important thing is that you showed your support for the family, paid your respects and had the best of intentions about staying for the whole thing.

This is EXACTLY how I feel as well. I am fully capable of letting people know if I should leave or whatever.

DH was agreeing with him, to a point. DH was a bit worried about me with just sitting for that long but knew I would tell him if I wasn't ok. I think he was agreeing with his dad partly to not cause a scene either. I just felt so bad when I was saying my "goodbyes" and even made sure I told his mom that her husband was "kicking me out" so she knew that it wasn't just me being insensitive or whatever.

mattandbekah · August 2011

While he may have been a little overcautious, I would rather have that than someone who just assumes you can do anything! He's sweet for caring!

mattandbekah · August 2011

RachaelA:
wishful thinkin:
My family does not believe in a pregnant woman seeing a dead person.
What if its a super close relative like a parent or grandparent?

Im curious about this as well, to be honest. Im not trying to be disrespectful, just wondering the reasoning?

forensicmama · August 2011

Awww... your FIL sounds like a sweet man.

Kicked out of a funeral

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