What will you do with your frozen embies?

iluvadam · August 2011

H and I have a very difficult decision to make and I am wondering what you all are going to do. I know this is a very personal decision but hearing some other point-of-views might help me cope with this a bit better.

I had a emergency total hysterectomy at the end of June and although we thought our family was complete prior, the decision is now obviously final given that I have no lady parts. We have thoroughly discussed donation and H is totally against it. Paperwork for thaw is sitting on my desk but everytime I look at it I get tears in my eyes. I just cannot bring myself to let go.

JackieMac824 · August 2011

We have two embies left - we are one and done - so as long as we have a healthy pregnancy and a healthy baby we are going to donate those embies to science.

Bel4780 · August 2011

Although I have 3 frozen now and plan on using them soon, if it came down to it my DH and I decided to give them to research. I know this is a touchy subject, but we decided we didn't want someone else to have them because that is technically our "baby" and don't want to think that we may have another child out there that we don't know about. And... the reason for research is that if it could help the process of IVF improve and other couples wouldn't have to go through what we did, than we are all for that. Frankly all decisions bring tears to my eyes as well...but paying for them to remain frozen for the rest of our lives is not feasible in any sorts. I hope you find peace in any decision that you make...

MyShellyBelly · August 2011

I'm actually on hold with my clinic right now because our embies have been frozen for 1 year this month and we haven't received a bill yet to keep them frozen for another year.

My DH is pretty adamant that our family is complete and I'm just not so sure. I thought we were done right after our LO's were here, but now that they are growing so quickly, I think I might like to have some more (or at least try!).

So, although we are still early in the game, we do know that we will keep paying the yearly fee to continue keeping our embies frozen.

artygirl · August 2011

First, I am so sorry that you had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

We have 6 frozen embies. Assuming my current pregnancy goes well, we will be done having children.

Our signed paperwork currently says that we will donate the embies to research. We have paid for a year's storage so won't have to make a final decision until next July; however, I'm 95% confident that is what we will do.

My unsolicited advice: If you aren't ready to let go, don't. Pay for another year of storage (assuming you can). See how you feel next year. Maybe you will be ready to let go then, maybe your husband will change his mind about donation, or maybe you may want to consider surrogacy.

kthappy76 · August 2011

I am very sorry about your emergency hysterectomy and that you both are having a hard time with these decisions. We ended up having to use our only frozen embryos on our FET after we had a m/c, but we agreed when we started down the IVF road that we would donate any untransferred embryos to scientific research. If things don't go well w/this pg and we decide to cycle again, that is what we would do.

FWIW, it sounds like you are still mourning that this decision was made for you, which is perfectly normal and understandable. If I were you, I'd try to buy some time to think through your options. If you want to keep open the option to use your embie to have another child, you could look into surrogacy.

krissyh21 · August 2011

We donated my single embryo to science when we decided to be 1 and done. I wanted the embryo to go to some use rather then just being discarded. Sure the whole situation was upsetting and I do wonder what if occasionally, but I do feel better that maybe - hopefully - even in the smallest of ways, my embryo went on to help someone else.

SS091506 · August 2011

artygirl:

First, I am so sorry that you had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

My unsolicited advice: If you aren't ready to let go, don't. Pay for another year of storage (assuming you can). See how you feel next year. Maybe you will be ready to let go then, maybe your husband will change his mind about donation, or maybe you may want to consider surrogacy.

This.

Thanks to IVF, we ended up getting pregnant twice (without any complications) that resulted in two healthy kids. DH and I have always talked about having three kids. I don't want to be pregnant again. I just turned 40 years old. We have always planned to complete our family by adopting. With all that being said, we have two low grade/poor quality embies frozen. I believe my dh paid the storage fee for another year. Our clinic told us the embryo adoption process is very long and involved. They are very selective as to the embryos that qualify for adoption. I kind of got the impression that this was not an option for us due to age, quality, etc. I think we will end up donating our embies to scientific research. A small part of me s considering a unmedicated FET. I mean I kind of think the chances that embies would survive the thaw process and actually stick are slim.

iluvadam · August 2011

I should probably re-phrase my statement that H is not against donating to science, he is against donating to someone else which I am now gathering is called "embryo adoption".

Fancy3Face · August 2011

I'm sorry In the paperwork we signed proir to our cycle (in the event we had frozen embryo's) we settled on donating them to science for research studies. I can imagine how heartbreaking it is to have to make this tough decision. Big hugs sweetie.

We have three frozen. When the twins turn one we're going to start talking about getting the first FET in motion and shoot for a transfer around their 1.5-2 year mark. We plan to use all that thaw and don't arrest-one at a time (depending on quality).

wordslikeswords · August 2011

I'm sorry you have to make this decision. I've been thinking about it a lot and it sort of terrifies me. Dh and I decided that we would use every frozen embryo we got. We have 3 and I'm currently pregnant with 1, and we're OK with 4 kids, though they probably won't all stick. Lately it's been making me nervous because I have kidney problems, and I don't know how my body will respond to another pregnancy. If I got a transplant we would use the embryos afterwards, but I might not qualify for a while, so I'm kind of stuck praying for a miracle. If it comes down to it and I simply can't carry another baby, we'll consider a surrogate, or do embryo adoption. I can't stomach the thought of my embryos not at least having a chance, and I pray my kidneys heal so we can use them ourselves.

mrsolsenk12 · August 2011

We ended up using/losing our frosties (either didn't survive the thaw/were not viable for transfer). However DH and I had discussed if we had extras they would be donated to science. It would feel good to know we were helping future IF couples.

JessJ222 · August 2011

We have 9 frozen embies. We want to have 1-2 more kids.

What we will do if/when we have any left I am not sure. I am curious to read what others have to say.

Getting rid of them doesn't seem quite right but continuing to pay and freeze them when there is no intentions of them ever being used isn't logical either.

iluvadam · August 2011

artygirl:

First, I am so sorry that you had to have an emergency hysterectomy.

We have 6 frozen embies. Assuming my current pregnancy goes well, we will be done having children.

Our signed paperwork currently says that we will donate the embies to research. We have paid for a year's storage so won't have to make a final decision until next July; however, I'm 95% confident that is what we will do.

My unsolicited advice: If you aren't ready to let go, don't. Pay for another year of storage (assuming you can). See how you feel next year. Maybe you will be ready to let go then, maybe your husband will change his mind about donation, or maybe you may want to consider surrogacy.

I like this approach. Less pressure.

gringa78 · August 2011

We have 8 more frozen embies, and if this pregnancy works out, we are done. We signed the paperwork (that if we both die) to donate them to science....but I think about this often.

DH and I decided we couldn't bear the thought of our child growing up somewhere out there and not know about him/her or that the child wouldn't be ours. I know that sounds selfish, but when it comes down to it we had to decide (a decision I wish I was never faced with, to be honest), just like all of us. And just FYI, none of my feelings of ambivalence come from any type of religious perspective (I'm an atheist)....it's just hard. I try not to think about it too much.

That being said, I do believe that donating embryos to science is extremely worthwhile...hopefully, in some small way, we can contribute to advances in stem cell research or research on infertility. Until we're totally ready to let go, we're just going to keep paying to store them.

Best of luck with your decision.

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