Would you give DH all access to your checking account?

Kristin&Frank · August 2011

Ok, yeah, what a random post from someone who hasn't been here in FOREVER.

We're moving to FL, and I was telling Frank that I want to close my bank account at the good old local credit union in NY. He suggested that I just open an account with XXX, because he works there, and there are that kind of bank everywhere. He's a financial advisor. The regular account with him comes with a debit card. I'd be HIS client (not that I'm not already) but he'd be able to see my day-to-day transactions.

I don't know why but I don't want him to know that I put $12 on my debit card at Starbucks (I made that up) or that I pay $300 at the salon.

What are your thoughts? He was a little offended when I told him this.

krissyh21 · August 2011

Do you think he would do that? I worked as a teller where my now h, but then fiance had an account and had better things to do then track his daily purchases. Anyway, everything I have is his and vise versa, so if he wanted to check my account for whatever reason, no biggy. He just better not try to tell me not to spend my money a certain way! (which he wouldn't)

LisaMarisa · August 2011

We dont have seperate accounts so either of us can see whatever the other charges. That works for us.

I can see where your DH is coming from. He probably feels like you are trying to hide something from him or you arent being honest about certain things. Do you really think he would go in there and look at your account every day?

My BIL is a VP at our bank and I never thought twice about the access he would have to our account. I guess I really dont care if he sees what we spend but at the same time, I wouldnt expect him to ever look. It is convenient when we need things done though! And I get super service at the branch because everyone knows who I am.

LVBlvd · August 2011

DH and I share all money - so we both have full access to our one joint checking. If he has a problem with something I am spending my money on, he can discuss it with me. But I'd certainly never hide anything from him.

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with having separate checking accounts and DH spending money that I knew nothing about - and I imagine that he would feel the same.

jenber77 · August 2011

Well, DH and I share a checking account, so, yeah, he has access to all of that info. No big deal. We each have our own credit card, but we really only use them for online purchases, etc.

ETA: Actually, and this is maybe a bit much, but we've been keeping an itemized budget, and I manage it. We each have $100 of personal spending every month. DH "reports" every dollar he spends to me so that I can enter into the budget program. I don't care how his spends his $100 -- that's not the point. We just need to keep track.

sasa625 · August 2011

I would have no problem with it, but my husband really doesn't care what I spend. I'm the cheap one in the family

He always says "buy what you want... until we can't pay the bills, I don't care what you spend" We each know what the other spends and unless it's a huge purchase, we don't consult each other. So him knowing exactly what I'm spending and where wouldn't bother me at all.

epphd · August 2011

Hmm, we have a joint account so I'd say yes, but I totally get the rationale for having separate accounts too. If DH has a problem with me spending $9 on lunch or $200 on hair, he can bite me. We both contribute and we both spend. As long as we are both reasonable, it's fine.

schmoodle · August 2011

We share all accounts (checking, savings, credit cards) so if he ever wanted to he could see every itemized cent I spend and it never bothered me. Granted, he doesn't even know how to check the accounts because I do all of our finances, but even if he could check I wouldn't mind. I tell him when I buy stuff anyways and he knows how much my clothes/hair/etc. cost (and his taste is at least as expensive as mine so he doesn't have much room to complain except that I spend in higher volumes).

sommerrayne · August 2011

I guess, my opinion is, if he's going to "freak" about 300.00 at at the salon or my 12.00 starbucks purchase: A) he has no trust in me,

There are some massive underlying problem, and C) Do you really think that him knowing about these truly inconsequential details of daily life will have such a huge impact on your marriage? I mean that is a big red flag to me.

Doesn't he know that you are a responsible spender? Don't you manage a household of finances, bills, obligations, etc without falling apart? Wouldn't that speak volumes over "MY GOD YOU SPENT 12.00 AT STARBUCKS?!"

I really don't get this anxiety in marital relationships.

ETA: I have my own sets of hangups....I just don't understand this one.

Ali212 · August 2011

Yes, our primary account is a joint checking account and so he sees what/where I spend just as I see what/where he spends. He knows when I go to Starbucks (or wherever) but we've always been very upfront with what we do and also jointly manage our account well (meaning, we don't spend more than we have but we also don't scrutinize what each of us spend or where we do). He doesn't really care how I spend on a daily basis....that said, if I was going to make a really large purchase out of our account, I would talk to him about it but I don't feel like I need to discuss most purchases with him (nor does he with me).

Though he does sometimes call me from work and say "what did you get at XX?" which will leave me baffled for a second as I have no idea how he knows I bought something there...until I remember the account)

ohiostategal · August 2011

We don't have separate accounts at all and DH tracks all the spending so he knows what I spend anyway. It has never been an issue for us but I think it just depends on the people. I pull cash out when I don't want he to see a purchase which has just been when I was buying him a gift.

naflmj · August 2011

I think if he doesn't care how you spend your money, he probably wouldn't be checking in on your spending habits. We have a joint and separate checking accounts and the joint is where we have the majority of our money so it sometimes is annoying to have DH know my every purchase but it's both of our money and we discuss bigger purchases as a courtesy...we basically just use our separate accounts when getting each other gifts.

ALY1981 · August 2011

LVBlvd:
DH and I share all money - so we both have full access to our one joint checking. If he has a problem with something I am spending my money on, he can discuss it with me. But I'd certainly never hide anything from him.
Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with having separate checking accounts and DH spending money that I knew nothing about - and I imagine that he would feel the same.

All of this for me as well.

smilee · August 2011

epphd:
Hmm, we have a joint account so I'd say yes, but I totally get the rationale for having separate accounts too. If DH has a problem with me spending $9 on lunch or $200 on hair, he can bite me. We both contribute and we both spend. As long as we are both reasonable, it's fine.

Ha ha ha ha!!!!!!

But, really, this totally!

We actually do have separate checking accounts, but out of pure laziness as these were the accounts we both had before we were married.

We put everything we spend on our joint credit card ( and pay it off each month) so that we can accrue the points, so he really could see all that I spend anyway.

But it really is a moot point, because I take care of the checking/savings/cc payment.

And if he said anything.... well, my school district pays more, so technically I am the breadwinner!

KYRN · August 2011

We are 100% joint checking and savings, we don't have anything separate except for retirement b/c it's through our employers. It works for us so your situation doesn't seem like a big deal to me but I also know that joint checking isn't for everyone.

Mouseygail · August 2011

I guess it just depends on your dynamics. DH and I have has completely shared finances since before we were even engaged... In know, weird. So to me, it wouldn't bother me at all that he saw what I spent since it's alwaysbeen that way for us... Then again, I'm the sugar momma, I've always made more money, so that might play into it?

meechrobi · August 2011

LVBlvd:

DH and I share all money - so we both have full access to our one joint checking. If he has a problem with something I am spending my money on, he can discuss it with me. But I'd certainly never hide anything from him.

Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with having separate checking accounts and DH spending money that I knew nothing about - and I imagine that he would feel the same.

This exactly!

skoorbnibor · August 2011

well, since my husband and I share all accounts, we know what each of us spends, so yes. I would!

MonkeysGirl05 · August 2011

We are joint everything, so I guess I'd say yes. I doubt he is going to monitor your daily transactions. If it becomes a problem, you can always close that account and open a different one.

Mrs.McJeep · August 2011

DH & I have a joint account that is a credit account that we use for buying most things.

I have my own account, that I use for buying his gifts, because he does watch our account closely, which I don't mind. But I like to surprise him sometimes. So that's the main reason I have my own account.

Christakim · August 2011

Everything we have is in joint, and I do all the finances so he doesn't even sees what goes through the account, but if he did I would have no problem with it, he doesn't care. As long as we have enough money to pay bills, he doesn't mind.

browneyedgrl4282 · August 2011

I wouldn't care unless I had something to hide which I don't!

dusk42 · August 2011

epphd:
Hmm, we have a joint account so I'd say yes, but I totally get the rationale for having separate accounts too. If DH has a problem with me spending $9 on lunch or $200 on hair, he can bite me. We both contribute and we both spend. As long as we are both reasonable, it's fine.

This too - our accounts are separate because we just never needed to combine them, but our financial goals are joint (so we coordinate on savings, retirement, etc.). I end up spending a higher percent of "my" money on a regular basis because I do most of the grocery shopping, kid supplies, and dog supplies, but all big projects (painting the house, new HVAC, etc.) come from "his" money. If we had to be on a stricter budget, we might have more defined amounts that we can spend each week, but I don't give him crap about going out to lunch every day with his work peeps and he doesn't second-guess what I buy at Target. We just set up a combined account on mint.com, so we can see a complete picture any time now, but it's not something we monitor closely.

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