"Love Thy Neighbor" ......my asss. (a long stupid vent)
A Worthless Vent by Just-Peachy.
Background.
Me: Frumpy 40 year old mom to toddlersaurus.
Her: J-Crewy (yes it's a word, I made it up) sing/songy cookie cutter airy skinny perfect neighbor with 3 boys ages 11 mos. - 6. Perfect husband, Perfect kids, Makes friends with Everyone...and is always "UP" like "up with people" kind of up...like annoying overly enthusiastic, saccharine sweet, "everything's awesome!" kind of up. The kind that looks perfect with no makeup and has plenty of girlfriends that come over for mom-cocktails. You know the type.
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We chat from time to time over the fence (which I wish was made out of the thickest of thick bamboo known to the planet), and she is always "Well hellooooo!!!" like she is singing an intro from a very happy Glee episode.
When I went over to her lawn at the beginning of the summer to chit chat, Jimmy was running around her uneven payment and fell face first onto the ground. He started to cry but wasn't hurt. I gently said to him "Careful, careful, honey....slow down"
Her response? She looked at me with this fake pouty lip and said: "Say...I'm just a toddler mom....I can't help if I want to run...and fall sometimes...it's what toddlers do. Let me have my fun!"
I was like....WHAT THE FLECK???? Of course that's what toddlers do, thanks for the patronization, skinny wench. But I let it go because I'm good like that.
Then we talked over the fence about random crap, like how hot it is and how are the kids kinda talk and we started talking about bedtimes.
Me: "Jimmy usually goes down between 7:30 - 9...usually 8:30 is when he falls asleep"
Her: "Woooow...that's really late! (consternation voice) (My boys always go down at 6:30. I guess because they are so active during the day, ya know?"
Ok, I thought...that's great for her but why did she have to add the whole "Wow, that's really late..." preface to her comment. Ok, I'm being overly sensitive.
Today she is walking by with her baby in the stroller and her two boys walking ahead of her. She was going to the playground.
My husband was getting into his truck leaving for work.
"Hey, how are you?" my husband said
"I'm just great!!! How are youuuu????" (her head cocked to the side and her little yippee skippee I'm perfect smile showing). I could hear the conversation from my door and I immediately was going into a diabetic shock from the pitch of her voice.
"Doin good....Everything ok from the hurricane?" my husband sincerely yet naievely asked.
"Oh yeaaaah (pitch in voice as if she was going to put her hand out like "pish posh...hurricane schmurricane")....we had no problems....how bout you?"
Now, for the last 3 days the entire town has practically watched us pump Niagra Falls from our basement...the sound of the generator can be heard 200 miles away for pete's sake. We have been emptying buckets of water onto our lawn....which looked like a swamp.
My husband and I have been hauling huge bag after bag out of the basement to trash. Our houses are about 20 feet away from one another.
Really? REALLY? you have to ask how we are doing? We've been dredging ourselves out for the last 72 hours and you have the nerve to ask how we are doing?
You damn well know her and her hubs were down in the basement the night of the hurricane shop vac(ing) every drop of water that came in until the power went out....That's what perfect, organized people do.
How is it that everyone else in the hood is putting out rolled up carpet padding, boxes and junk that collected in the basement and her house was spared the wrath of God?
This rant has no purpose to it at all. I don't hate her. Well, maybe a little.
She just annoys me a lot.
Ok, that's all.
Vent over (for now).
Bye bye.
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
Re: "Love Thy Neighbor" ......my asss. (a long stupid vent)
I know the type well...and I kind of hate them too
Sorry your basement got flooded!
aww thanks....I'm really grateful that's the extent of our damage really...nobody hurt, we're all safe, it's all good.
I sound like a bitter old hag.
Truth is, I'm only a semi-bitter old hag.
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
I'm now afraid I'm a "J-crewy".
Sometimes I secretly wish I had the amount of energy women like that have...but I make myself feel better by thinking they take a ton of diet pills or smoke crack
That statement made me sound really bitter, lol!
I like J.Crew! But there is a difference between wearing J.Crew and being J.Crewy...You literally have to go to J.Crewy school and learn how to be preptastically awesome in just about everything you do, from wearing espadrilles perfectly to putting your sunglasses on your head just the right way.
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
**wipes brow in relief**
Ok, this is probably not me then.
I just look the part.
I'm kind of that type
I have a very "glass is always full" type of outlook on life, so even if I'm having a hard day I don't usually complain about it (unless I'm complaining to my husband or my mom). Maybe they got lucky with the house thing, but asking how you guys were was only the polite thing to do.
The comments about bedtime would have really annoyed me too though. Certain things don't always have to be the same with raising a child... DD goes to bed at midnight, so what. She gets up at 11 in the afternoon with DH and I and everything evens out.
I'm convinced she takes rainbow vitamins.
This is HER.
This is Me.(only frumpy version) And this is how I look longingly at my husband
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
Wow i LURRRVE this rant! You just won a grammy for the funniest rant!
You also made my day seeing that my day has been pretty crappy! THANK YOU for the laughs! I need to add this page to my favorites!
This. DS goes to bed at 8:00 and wakes up at 8:00...I'm going to have to adjust 30 minutes earlier starting next week since he's starting pre-school. I couldn't imagine him waking up at 6:00!
I also don't hate preppy/optimistic people. I actually am pretty preppy...I'm just not perfect or have a ton of energy and I look really bad without makeup.
I'm Jew Crew-y, but decidedly not J-Crewy.
For flood smell on walls and surfaces:
Mold and Mildew Destroyer
1/2 gallon water
2 cups hot vinegar
1 cup lemon juice
2 teaspoons tea tree essential oil
Leave on all the surfaces you use it on, open windows to air out.
It saved my house.
I think I love you and your Jew Crewiness!
"Wearing his BING CROSBY clothes and crooning...buuuh buuh buuuh"
This reply has been edited by a moderator.
STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS.
to remove the redirecting hyperlink spam
PLEASE STOP SPAMMING THE BOARDS
Do you live next door to my SIL??????
He-he I love her to death but she has three girls incredible body SAHM(which I want to be so bad so it makes me jealous) Perfect house, pefect neighbors and neighborhood. She handles three kids vounteers at oldest school. Hosts bible studies at their house goes to bible studies on Wed evening. Her and my BIL help run a Dave Ramsey group b/c they are so perfect at it. Makes time for girls night out and I swear she is the most perfect mother ever. Seriously I do everything I can to be as good as a mother as she is.
Ok sorry I highjacked your post to rant!
Maybe you're just jealous.