DH working from home and it's driving me crazy

supermom83 · August 2011

Any other SAHM have a husband who works from home? If you do, how are you surviving???

I am literally about to lose my mind. I love my husband dearly but I just can not stand having him being home all day. He has his own office where his work station is set up. He used to have his own giant window office at work, but when I went on bed rest for 12 weeks from April-June he switched to working from home to help me out with our 2 year old. He told me it would be a temporary thing. It was super stressful back then but I bore it because I had to. Now our baby is 11 weeks old and he is still working from home.

Basically, all the issues fall into broad categories.

-Cleaning/house maintenance

-Children and discipline

-No alone time

-Not missing each other

-Not wanting to commute (We only have one car so he'd have to take the train into work)

-Not wanting to spend money on a babysitter because he's "home" and can "help"

There are so so so many things I can list that are driving me crazy but they all fall into one of the above categories. I've spoken to him about going back to work but it seems like he does not plan on it for a very very long time.

I just don't know what to do or how to deal with a husband who is home all day. How did others do it?? Advice?

adelepenguin · August 2011

I normally lurk, but I needed to let you know I feel your pain, but not nearly on the same level.

My husband works from home very rarely, but when he does, he drives me crazy. Because it is so rare, he doesn't have a work station set up, so he sits in our playroom with his laptop. He expects the kids to be quiet and ignore him. I have to work three times as hard to make this happen. I spoke to him about it and eventually he went upstairs out of sight. I explained the situtation like this: How would he feel if someone was activiely doing another job in his cube with him, wouldn't that make his job harder? Oh, and he and his co-workers were supposed to ignore and not interact at all with their guest. He kind of got it.

I would just try very hard to set up firm boudaries about working from home. He "leaves" for work at 9 and "comes home" at 5. You should not see him or interact with him between those times, except for maybe a lunch together.

I don't have any other advice, but good luck working something out.

chicsub · August 2011

When I had DS both DH and I owned businesses and worked from home. I sold mine, but he was just starting his and didn't have an office. I think the hardest thing was that our house is small and I was stressed trying to keep the baby quiet when he had client calls. He stayed up in our office, but it was adjacent to the nursery and we just tried to make it work as much as possible but I felt like a nanny in my own home and couldn't relax. Luckily he ended up getting an office and it has helped a ton! Now when he works from home he just goes to Starbucks or something like that or does a call in our bedroom which is across the hall from the kids' rooms.

MesmrEwe · August 2011

LOL - this is why I LOVE the winter months which are busier for DH's work - I get time to myself and DD gets into a normal "routine"..

The thing that helps the most - recite your vows when he really starts to get on your nerves... It's amazing how it will defuse the situation EVERY time... It also will let your DH know he's on your last nerve...

Good luck!!!

MrsL1022 · August 2011

DH works from home and I HATE it!! It's hard for me to complain b/c he was unemployed due to a lay off from July 2010 until March 2011 so I am BEYOND thankful that he now has a great job. That being said, it totally SUCKS, to be blunt. DS thinks he can just play all the time and doesn't realize that Daddy is working regardless of how many times it gets explained. I spend 3/4 of my day trying to keep DS away from the office door. DH also comes out of the office 3,000 times a minute for whatever reason making DS crazy. DH has gotten better about making himself scarce but he is still HERE. I love him, I do, but we don't have time to miss each other. I don't have any advice, I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain.

JenninMA · August 2011

Mine works from home fairly often and I cannot stand it. He's in corporate sales and rarely needs to go into the office- just out for meetings, but he does have an office outside of the house where he can go and do his work. And he often does phone meetings from home. It drives me nuts and disrupts the routine I have for the kids. I'm trying to just encourage him to go into the office as much as possible and I've basically stopped trying to keep the kids quiet if he's on the phone- I mean, we can't really go anywhere else, he can! I think I'm going to have a talk with him one day soon and just point out that we get along much better and things run more smoothly when he leaves in the morning and comes home in the evening.

supermom83 · August 2011

I am so glad I am not the only one who hates it! It's so hard and it seems like DH just doesn't get why it's so hard for me. Keeping the kids quiet is a huge chore. Sigh. I just want him to go back to work. Thanks for sharing ladies!

JoannaJes · August 2011

I love this post. DH is OOT 50% of the time, but for the other 50%, he works from home. And it IS difficult. He's been working from home for years now. Back when I worked full-time, I would be heading out the door facing a long commute, and he would maybe just be getting out of bed. Frustrating.

The main thing that has helped us is keeping very defined times for when DH is working and not working. But yes, sometimes the lines get blurred and it can be frustrating. I just tell myself that for every time that I'm annoyed by him working at home, there usually is a time I can recall when it's been super helpful.

Also, DH's office is in the basement, so we can't see or hear him until he surfaces for bathroom breaks/lunch.

DS doesn't usually ask for Daddy, if that's a concern. He'll ask to see him, and then respond to himself, saying "No, Daddy is workin'!"

thedazie · April 2014

I am so happy I am not lone here! My husband has been working from home for a while now. But I just quit my part time job to be at home with our two year old full time. We are fighting so much more. He can hear everything from his office. I get comments about my day all day long from him... like oh is she beening anoying today?, or why are you being so mean to her?.... I feel like he is hovering over me casting judgement even if he doesn't mean too. He trys to help when she has her brake down moments but it just seems like he is mad that she is out of control and bothering him with the noise! If I take some time for myself and watch TV while she is napping I feel like he thinks I am being lazy. I now am starting to hate me life of making dinner and cleaning... which is all I seem to do.... clean after a toddler and a grown man. Please don't take me wrong, I love my husband and I love my daughter but I need to do something! I am always around my husband... but he doesn't listen to me, I tell his where i am going or what I plan to do and when I leave to go there he comes out of the office and ask me what I am doing or going...! I try to get his option on things I care about... from learning toys to clothes and he just gets anoyed and tells me He doesn't care! But a week later he is tell me he hate that, or that's too short, or that was useless. Drives me crazy! I need help! My husband understands I need some "me" time but when he gives it to me, I don't have anything planned and I have to go places by myself. Or I feel bad if I take too long because I know he will be mad. HELP!

zbeesma86 · April 2014

woah this is old. 2011? I was like WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?!

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