Do You Have to be a Millionaire to Adopt?

pavlove · August 2011

MH and I lost our beautiful baby girl in June. She was stillborn at 38 1/2 weeks. We deal every day with the excruciating pain of losing our daughter. Even before we got pregnant with her, we wanted to adopt. I am very eager to get involved in the process, now more than ever.

I have so many adoption questions, but I'll stick with just this one for now: How do you pay for adoption? I'm scared to ask this question because it's so personal, but I just don't see how people (well, people like me) pay for it. MH and I want so so badly to adopt, but we are not millionaires. I keep thinking that everyone who adopts must be extremely rich or maybe sold their car and walk everywhere....it just seems impossible.

Please share any ideas or resources you may have or what worked for you. Thank you so much for your help.

ByHisGrace7 · August 2011

We are no where close to being millionaires and we are very careful with our money and how we spend it. We are really into saving and are frugal with how we spend and live.

We took out a small loan to pay for half of the adoption. There was no way we could come up with the full amount on our own. The other half we were lucky to kind of stumble upon. There are also several adoption grants out there and there is even an interest free adoption loan company that will give you an adoption loan interest free for I think a year.

We set our budget right away and knew we could not go over a certain amount. I was worried because it always seemed like everyone else could afford to pay whatever but that was not the case with us. We wanted to be responsible about it and we have been. We even hired an adoption consultant and she was worth the extra money!!

Good luck to you and I am so sorry for your loss.

Dr.Loretta · August 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss. It's so heartbreaking.

I don't think anyone on this board would consider themselves millionaires, yet we've all found ways to adopt. Some did major fundraising, from holding garage sales to taking any money that friends or family offered. Some took on second jobs, some took out loans (personal loans or home equity loans, for example). We sold a rental property to pay for the bulk of our fees.

There are agencies that charge fees on a sliding scale based on income. Some religious agencies have a lower fee schedule. Some agencies have lower fees if you're open to biracial or African-American children. Foster/adopt is very low cost.

Some people don't go with agencies at all, but use adoption attorneys or facilitators, or do their own advertising for birthparents.

There's also the adoption tax credit (for now) and some companies offer adoption reimbursement programs. It doesn't help on the front end, but can help when you finalize.

The FAQ at the top of the board *might* have some resources, and people will chime in.

Go_Dawgs · August 2011

I'm so sorry about your baby girl

We are definitely not millionaires (or even close to it!). Most of our adoption costs were paid for out of savings, but we did also borrow some money from family that we quickly paid back.

A lot of the expenses didn't need to be paid for at once, so until we were matched we were able to pay for some things out of our regular paychecks. This included the home study, the adoption consultant, and our profile books. The big chunk of money was due when we matched, and this is what came partially from savings and partially from a family loan.

Most middle class people are able to adopt, but it usually takes some saving and planning. Some agencies have more reasonable fees than others and you need to research the fees involved with each agency. Some people use credit cards, take out home equity loans, or borrow from family. Others save for a while.

The average adoption is $25,000, but there are plenty of agencies that charge less than $20,000. That may sound like a lot of money, but most middle class families are able to figure out how to spend that much money on car purchases. That was an area where we decided to cut back. We sold a very nice car that we owned and downgraded DH's car to a $3,000 used car. We used the money from the sale of the car to pay off the family loan. IMO, if you don't have cash for an adoption, it's not a bad idea to downgrade to very inexpensive and paid off cars and finance an adoption. If you want it badly enough, you can definitely find a way.

There also is the option of adopting through foster care.

erinmc1 · August 2011

We took out a home equity line of credit on our house. We're hoping to get the adoption tax credit, and desperately hoping that doesn't fall victim to the government budget cuts.

pavlove · August 2011

Thank you guys so much for opening up and sharing your very personal information with me - it is so helpful! I was worried that nobody would give real ways of finding the money - just general "how-to" answers. I am taking all of your words to heart and eager to do whatever it takes. Again, thank you for taking the time to help!

amm78 · August 2011

I am so sorry for your loss.

Adoption is expensive. We were very fortunate that my grandfather (who built his family through adoption in the 1950's) gave us the bulk of our agency fee before he passed away last Fall. Without his help, we probably would have tried taking out a loan somehow because we wouldn't have had enough in savings. We are putting money away as much as we can to pay for other expenses that may come up after we are matched (birthmother expenses, travel) as well as finalization, when the time comes.

You have received a lot of good information and advice already. You may have to take the next 6 months to a year and save money before starting, unless you want to take out a loan or try for a grant. Good luck!

Cristine · August 2011

I wanted to add that some employers offer adoption benefits as well. My DH's employer will re-imburse adoptions fees up to $11k per child. It's definitely worth looking into.

2ndTimeEpiphany · August 2011

I'm very sorry for your loss.

You do not have to be a millionaire to adopt. We are FAR from that! We are lucky because my parents have offered to help us out with many of the fees. We also get reimbursed a significant portion after finalization from my husband's company. Check into any adoption benefits your places of employment might have! There is also the tax credit....

I know many people look into fundraising, grants, loans, etc.

There are ways to pay for this if it's your path.

Good luck!!

GLynn2009 · August 2011

We stopped all travel until DD came home about 2 years worth to save the money. We had been taking trips about every 2 months or so. The small stuff I paid we are pay checks as they came up. We paid as we went and by the time the larger amounts were due we had $7,000 saved.

dragossoul84 · August 2011

Since our home is paid off we did a home equity line of credit

jehnm · August 2011

I am so sorry for your loss. I have a good friend who also lost her daughter in late pregnancy. She constantly remembers her beautiful little girl and celebrates her son who joined their family this year through domestic adoption.

My husband and I are both social workers so definitely not millionaires! :-) We cut out travel, lived in the dark ages with no DVR, no fancy cell phone or texting plan, little stuff like that. If we received money for a bday or Christmas it went in the baby fund. We also drive cars that are less than what we could afford. It's not easy to save, but doable and sooooo worth it!

Jenn is Silly · August 2011

First off- my condolences to you and your family on the loss of your little girl. You are truly in my prayers. Like others we made cuts in out lifestyle. We had started a "baby account" but found our BM much quicker then anticipated. We cashed in a 401k I had from a past job and am hoping that between the adoption assistance through my employer (which I got today actually) and the tax credit we'll be able to replenish the fund.

milwjean · August 2011

I think the analogy to the cost of a car is a good one.

We are also doing foster to adopt--which there is no wait for and is completely free.

BostonLove11 · August 2011

I'm so so sorry for your loss.

Not sure if you are planning on pursuing domestic vs. international or what age range you are open to but my husband has an interesting perspective on our Korean adoption financial situation. Although Korea is one of the more expensive countries to adopt from, since we will be getting our daughter when she will likely be 20 months old it actually equals the cost of what we would have spent on childcare costs (in the DC area) until she was 20 months old. So it kinda all comes out even for us in the end, if that makes sense.

robotr · August 2011

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firefightersgal · August 2011

I'm so very sorry for your loss. How devastating.

We make a very modest income. I am a full-time student and do not work. DH works full-time and picks up side jobs as he can. We decided that adoption through an agency is just not a feasible option for us because of cost. We went through the foster/adopt process, because it is (essentially and comparatively) free. However, we decided that foster/adopt will not fit into our current lifestyle and since we have an almost five year old DD, we don't want to totally uproot her life. We hope to either miraculously get and stay pregnant or find a private adoption situation. While a private adoption will still cost us several thousand dollars, it should be significantly less than an agency adoption. The downside is that we will probably have a much longer wait.

Good luck!

ETA: We will probably do some sort of fundraiser if a situation presents itself.

robotr · August 2011

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KStreake · August 2011

My condolences on the loss of your daughter.

Regarding saving for adoption, I can recommend that you read the Dave Ramsey Total Money Makeover. If you are looking for real life examples on saving money and paying down debt as quickly as possible he will give you a step by step plan.

My DH and I started using the TTMM back in 2008 and had all of our debt (except for our house) paid off in 6 months. You'd be surprised how quickly you can save money without any credit card bills or car payments! We saved for about a year before we became comfortable moving on to adoption. Even with our increased savings we did cash out DH's SEP IRA contribution for 2010. I get very worried about money and cash flow (I'm the accountant in the house) so I felt more comfortable with a bigger buffer in our savings.

Also, like other posters mentioned, not all agencies require the same fees. No two adoptions are the same really.

I wish you the best of luck in saving!