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November 2011 Moms
snowkiwi
member
MIL Vent Again (Long) - Advice appreciated!
snowkiwi
member
I am having one of those days when I need someone to talk me down, and I hope by hearing some more of your stories and solutions it might do the trick.
As we all get nearer to our EDDs I am slowly entering panic-mode over my MIL, her overbearing nature, and her incessant nosiness. I am independent by nature, private and I have never really got used to her. I have lived overseas and away from my own parents (who I love dearly) for 15 years so I am not used to being constantly 'looked over'. I have already spoken to DH about having a private conversation with her about not getting all up my (our) hoola-hoop when LO arrives. He said he will but that I have to remember she has good intentions. Grrr.
I have already vetoed her coming to L&D (I still can't believe she asked), she keeps offering to come and stay the night when DH is away after LO's born (she lives 10 mins away so absolutely NOT), and even though she knew from the beginning we didn't want a baby shower, she's still whining about it. She calls me everyday (I have to screen) and whenever we go for visits she asks me personal pregnancy and body-related questions across the dinner table. All my swirling hormones right now are making me batty, and I am so worried I might just go zero-to-a-hundred one day soon and regret it... Ugh. Advice?
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Re: MIL Vent Again (Long) - Advice appreciated!
You don't want to get to the point where you are so upset that you explode at her, or that you just write her off all together. Because in my opinion the fact that she wants to be involved means that she CARES (it would be pretty crappy if nobody cared at all) and it sounds that she even really care about you her DIL too even though she has an annoying way of showing it. Just hold true to what you want and don't let her walk all over you. Sometimes it takes a lot of repetition before she will get it. But remember she doesn't 100% know you and what you want yet - hopefully she will get it and mellow a little bit.
I say all this because a person like her may be super annoying now - and well may continue annoy you a bit - but once baby is born, trust me you are going to be happy to have someone who is willing to help. And she might be a good go-to person to have the baby overnight with when you need a break for a weekend or something.
Take some deep breaths, and I wish you luck!
You know her character, so you can better answer this question but...
Is it possible that she's so OVERLY motherly to you because she thinks your parents are so far, so she should step in and help?
no prob girlie! good luck!
Yes, and ironically, that's actually the only thing I have managed to talk to her about in the past so I think we have that one settled. Right from when DH and I started dating I recognised that she might feel that way especially because she has 3 sons, and her only other DIL has already turned her back on her because of her nature to be overbearing. I guess thats another reason why solving this in a constructive way is important to me. I honestly don't want to create another bad relationship for her with another DIL.
Good luck with your MIL, I have a MIL who is "obsessed" with my DD and it gets on my nerves, my story is long.... but anyway, my MIL is a kind person but I wiished I would of said some things before I had my first child. If I were you, I would kindly just tell her how you feel, hopefully, she will understand and except your feelings... Like the previous posts, maybe she wants to help you out b/c you are farther away from your parents? Make sure, your husband understands your feelings and also addresses things to his mom how you both feel. Good luck, like I said before I wished that I would of chatted with my MIL beforehand, I don't know if it would of changed things on how she acts or ??? Anyway, good luck!!!!!