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School-Aged Children
6yo 1st Grader Boy - HELP! Not listening, losing focus, won't stop touching himself.
I'm not sure where to even start. I know I'm not the only mom going through this, so I'm reaching out for advice on how to ease the stress and anxiety on my end. I'm losing patience and patience is key when you have children. I have a few issues that I would love any advice on. I'm not a basic caregiver, I have experience with children and typically I'm extremely good with them. For some reason, I'm at wits end with my own, sadly. I'm a work at home mom so I spend every waking hour with my children (besides now that he's in school as of last week). My husband is gone a good bit of time and therefore they are with me mostly. I should say that I've listed the problems that I'm having with my son that I just don't know where to go with it. He had many good sides and we enjoy our time together but the issues listed do cause quite a bit of stress in the house.
1. My son is a smart child, very talkative and questions everything. He is lighthearted and playful - at ALL times, even inappropriate times. I know this is normal as they can't tell the difference, but if I'm saying to him clearly, "Please, I'm asking you to stop being silly and listen (or calm down to go to bed, or whatever the case). He just keeps testing limits. And he knows that I don't know where that line is drawn myself or what step to go if he's not listening. I give him the consequence if he continues his actions and yet he STILL does what he's not supposed to. He gets the consequence (no stories, or no dessert or games etc) but FLIPS out when he doesn't get it. (THIS IS WHERE I NEED TO LEARN TO STAY CALM). He has recently said that his new teacher is mean to him because she yells at him. When talking to him he admitted it's because she's telling his table to stop talking. So he knows that he's doing something to cause that reaction but feels no need for self control. Do they even learn self control at this age? He used to follow directions splendidly, but now is more into socializing at school because he already knows the lesson plans. (which will cause a problem, but that's not the problem at other times).
2. He's overly dramatic about a lot of situations for instance a sore loser
in games he just can't control his emotions or express them.I'm not sure how to help him with this. I know my husband gets frustrated when he cries if he's losing or blows situations out of proportion. Not sure how to work with that.
3. He loses focus, even when you have his focus and tell him something very important, completely forgets it even as soon as 5 minutes later. I never really had a problem with him when he was younger but once he hit public school (and his sister was born same time), he just lost it. He always says he forgets things. I know his father is the same way, so I don't know if this is a physical issue to deal with. Someone that may have this experience would be of great help.
4. Touching private parts. ALL THE TIME. He pulls and just messes with his self all the time. Says "it tickles". Is this just a boy thing? Anyone else have this issue? Has anyone successfully stopped their son from doing it in front of people at least? We've had numerous talks with him, but he does it without noticing anymore.
Sometimes just getting outside advice puts things into perspective.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: 6yo 1st Grader Boy - HELP! Not listening, losing focus, won't stop touching himself.
Have you broached these concerns with your pedi? How does he behave at school- did his Kindie teacher broach it as an issue?
I'm asking because he sounds a lot like my little guy, who was dx'd over the summer with ADHD. I'm a teacher myself, and around when he turned three, I started seeing the signs... he'd been an active, but pretty easy going baby. Something switched in him when he hit the preschool years though, and behaviorally, it's been a rough road.
A lot of what you're describing are behaviors of children with ADHD. Though, it does sound like within your own mind, you are inconsistent in dealing with his behaviors, and I'm sure that compounds things.
Being bored at school is an issue- the beginning of the year is a rough time for some precocious kids, b/c the repetition that is necessary to get the classroom procedures going can be somewhat dull. However, it sounds like he would benefit from a very structured classroom where the expectations are clear and firm. He might not like his teacher very much b/c she's expecting more of him than he's used to having to give- he'll either adapt, or he'll really have a rough go of things. If he adapts, I wouldn't worry. But if his behavior at school starts to escalate, there is going to have to be a plan set in place, both at home and at school, to be consistent with behavioral expectations and consequences.
Some kids have more self control than others, but typically functioning kids, at first grade age, do have some level of self control, especially when a consequence is looming. For a lot of kids with ADHD, even if they know the consequence is there, they dont' have the executive function to put two and two together.
As far as the touching himself goes... ADHD children can lean more toward the hypersexual side of things. I've been lucky enough that when DS talks about his penis "tickling" (he says it especially if we're going up and down hills in the car), I've been able to redirect him by telling him to say instead that his tummy tickles.
With any concerns about a child's behavior, you have to take into consideration the frequency, intensity and duration of said behavior- when you watch him with his peers, does he act out more often? More intensely? For a longer period of time? If the answer is yes, I'd seriously have a chat with a developmental pediatrician.
I think that some of this is normal to some degree, but it is something I would talk to your Ped about. Testing limits, being sore losers, not listening are still pretty common at 6 y/o, but sometimes you just have a feelign that your kid is a little different and more intense in these areas than others. You might want to consider consulting a psychologist for some tips on how best to deal with him w/o losing your temper. We saw one last spring and she was great at helping with this! I have to be over the top positive with listening skills in order to get DS to listen to me. Before I ask him to do something I remind him that he is a great listener and I need him to be a great listener right now and do XYZ without me having to ask him twice. When he does it, I praise him up and down for it. Common sense tells you that you should only have to ask once and that your kids should do what you ask, but if your DC has focus issues, it's not always that easy.
We also do "do overs." When DS loses his mind about a consequence and it looks like it's going to turn into a big battle of the wills, I ask him if he'd like a do-ver to make a better choice. 100% of the time he chooses the do-over and makes a better choice. While I would love it if he listened the first time, he's just not capable right now and a do-over allows things to stay productive in our house.
I would talk to his teacher about his behavior now. If you suspect ADHD, let her know this and that you're going to consult with your doctor. If your DS ends up having ADHD, I would talk to her about approaches for dealing with ADHD in the classroom. Although my DS needs structure, he also needs some flexibility. If he cannot sit and do his work at that moment, he's allowed to bring it home. Sometimes he just needs a break to get up and walk around a bit too. With a firm teacher who is flexible, he's able to succeed. i should mention, he also needs lots of visual cues about what he needs to do every day. They have been really helpful for him.
i didn't read you whole post or all the replies because i have a headache. but i wanted to mention a friend's daughter behaved similarly.
she was taken of ALL foods with artificial dyes and she's a new child. that may be something to look into before having him put on an rx for ADD.