SAHMs with husbands who work a lot--extra help?

NicoleWI · August 2011

If you are a SAHM (especially with more than one child) and your husband works a lot, do you have some kind of arrangement to get extra help? What is it? I.e. have a sitter one day a week or half-day or something so you can run errands, do grocery shopping, go to the bank, get a haircut, whatever? For about half the year DH works super long hours with weekends included. Having enough personal time to get basic things done is one thing that worries me about moving to PT or SAH (I'm working FT now). I don't have enough time NOW to get things done, either, but at least I can squeeze in a few things over lunch or on my way home.

The_Jen626 · August 2011

My DH works until at least 9pm 6 days every week, including every weekend.

I put DD in daycare 1-2 days a week for a few hours. Usually I will use that day to go grocery shopping, Costco, run errands, and then get a massage at the end of the day as my "reward" for running around all day. It's so nice being able to put groceries away without worrying about naptime!

I also have several great night-time babysitters that DD loves, so I don't feel guilty at all when I want to go to Book Club, happy hour, or a concert with my girlfriends. I usually get "out" about once every 2-3 weeks.

I have a bi-weekly housekeeper, and we have a yard guy that mows and does general upkeep outside.

Honestly, I would go crazy without the "help" I have. It's the only thing that keeps me sane!

I am friends with another woman that is a SAHM and her husband works with my husband, and she also has a babysitter come over one day every week.

naturelle25 · August 2011

My husband works tons and yes, I will be taking both kids (starting Friday) to PDO every Friday from 9-1. I have family close, so they do help out a bit too. The only other "help" I have is using the childcare at the gym several times a week.

MesmrEwe · August 2011

Two days a week of daycare is something that's incredibly worth the expense... The reason for two days is because LO's need to have a routine to it all. Also, you need to have dedicated time for accomplishing those things that you can't do with the kiddos in tow.

My DH works insane hours year-round. That's ultimately why I ended up becoming a SAHM. He works for his family's business and due to estate issues it's been a ROYAL mess and made more sense for me to put my life on hold so he could have the flexibility he needs to get through it all. In November I tell him "See you in April" because we see eachother so little... Which given that this year I'm due in December adds an element of challenge and I'm almost cringing at the fact that he'll have to take time off while I'm in the hospital.

The important thing to ask yourself is do you have enough energy to be there for your kids so that you can enjoy them while they're little. OTOH, no one ever said that being a parent was going to be easy. Some days everything just doesn't get done. It's part of the challenge of the balancing act. Be realistic about your expectations of yourself...

lilone_06 · August 2011

I have the girls in kinder two days a week, so I use these days to run errands, catch up on housework, sleep, and admin work with only LO to look after. I bring all three to the gym with me to get in workouts, and sometimes a shower. I do 'beauty' appts on the weekends or if possible at night when DH can stay with the kids.

hales.21 · August 2011

My husband is military and works a lot of 12+ hour shifts plus weekends. I have no help. We are far away from family, and I don't want to pay for a sitter. I am able to get most everything I need to get done on a regular basis and have some time to myself as well (during nap time). It's hard, but we work it out.

Stacyc625 · August 2011

I only used a mother's helper the first couple of months after DS was born. DH works well over 60-70hr weeks- weekends and overnights included.

While personal time is definitely NOT abundant- I get by.

GL with your decision.

mbritto4 · August 2011

I have a cousin that comes over one afternoon every other week or so, and my Dad is local so he comes over after work 2-3 nights a week to help so I can cook dinner or he can take my oldest for a walk so I can bathe the baby without "help." MH works OOT M-F many weeks, so it's been since I was 38w since I had a haircut, and I try to do big grocery trips while MH is home. I need to carve out more me time but one of my other cousins is battling cancer so I'd feel like kind of an @sshole asking her sister to take time off so I can go to the salon, when her sister needs her help. MH travel is supposed to cut down somewhat, but changes week to week so it makes getting into a salon appointment a giant PITA.

Andrewsgal · August 2011

DH typically works 70-90 hour weeks. The kids go to preschool together three days a week from 8:30-2:30. We have a house cleaner. We have no family so the only breaks I get are ones I make for myself. Take some time for you, it truly makes me a better mom.

wlm740 · August 2011

He works 12 hours 5-6 days a week. I have never gotten help, but when my oldest goes to school in a week I am going to start taking the other 2 to a sitter once a week for 5 hours a week.

ktsnshn · August 2011

I have a gym membership with free daycare, so that is how I get some me time about three times a week. Both of DH's parents are retired and the will come over once in a while so I can run errands or if I have an appointment.

babypuplove · August 2011

DH has a demanding job and is working on his CPA. Luckily weekends aren't impacted too much lately, but for a few months we hardly saw him. I have a sitter come every other week or so for half a day (next month it will be once a month since DD will be in preschool two mornings a week), and a mother's helper who comes once in a while so I can get laundry or other things done around the house. I also have a cleaning crew every other week. My occasional sitter who was supposed to be here this morning just canceled last minute about 30 minutes ago, so I am not in the best mood right now. ;-)

JOEBunny · August 2011

It is easier to get things done with your kids when they are with you more, they get used to having to run errands. DS likes going with me, lately he has been spending a lot of time at the County planning office. I find when I have them with me all the time, I still manage to get things done. I do get sitters when I need to, like last night for a meeting I needed to go to or for DD's back to school night. DS is with me all the time, including for haircuts, museum visits, meetings, and the like, but he has learned to be pretty good. DD is in school now, so she is gone from 8-2, but does fine in the summer.

alli2672 · August 2011

My husband was working 70-80 hours a week, and then he started studying for his boards, so for about 4 months he added another 30-40 hours on top of his regular job. I thought I was going to go crazy.

Besides needing to grocery shop and see other people, the oil needed changed on the cars, the lawn needed mowed, minor repairs on the house needed done, the taxes needed done, our wills needed updated during that time, life insurance had to be dealt with, there was an illness with an elderly family member, tire blew out on a car, etc.

We also moved during that time, so I had to find a house, apply for a mortgage, and get our old house on the market as well as pack everything up, sell/give away the stuff we didn't need, and actually move. You may not need to do that now, but things come up that can take some serious time. It's good to have help already in place.

I had extra help for a few hours twice a week. It was great to have an afternoon just to focus on the stuff that needs to be done to run the household.

JoannaJes · August 2011

DH is OOT about 50% of the time. I am fortunate in the fact that my aunt will watch both kids one morning a week, and my sister lives about 5 minutes away (she's young and single, so she is over a lot and is super, super helpful).

In the few instances that I can't find help from family, I have paid for a sitter or "traded" babysitting with another mom friend.

ETA: I think that once both kids are a little older, I wouldn't need as much help. DD is still getting up several times a night, so after a week of being the only one on night duty, I tend to get pretty tired and worn out. Sometimes I will drop them off at my aunt's house just so I can nap. It's wonderful. : )

spiritenergy · August 2011

No extra help. I just make a weekly to do list and just work towards getting those things done. I prioritize the list so at least the high priority items get done. For me time, you will find ways to squeeze it in. I take a "lunch break" where I let the kids play by themselves and I enjoy a meal to myself (I can see them the whole time). I also read articles on-line or read a book during the break. I work out in the morning before everyone gets up. For errands, the kids come with me. I can't even remember the last time we even needed to go to the bank since we have direct deposit. I think you will just find ways to stream line you life. You can't do it all, but you will find time to do what is important.

webMistress0609 · August 2011

I have no help as of now - we have no family in town & every sitter I've tried to hire has stopped returning calls once they learn of Ari's allergies, even though I emphasize I will leave clearly labeled "safe" foods & I'm a phone call away if they are unsure. But anyway...

DH usually has 1-2 days a week where he doesn't have to go in until 11:00-12:00, so that's when I would get a haircut or take a yoga class or whatever. Ari comes along with other errands & actually loves to go grocery shopping. I get him to "help" so he doesn't get bored.

DH is trying to get a promotion now though, so those later start times are going away. I'm thinking of using the PDO at the YMCA we belong to starting next month - probably not more than 2x per month as $$ are tight right now, but that's better than nothing.

KKMMex · August 2011

When mine were the ages of yours, I used a Mother's Day Out program and it was a fabulous sanity saver. My older DD went two days a week and my younger daughter went one of those days so I had a few hours each week when both of them were being cared for, and another few hours with just my baby. It was a church program and was actually less expensive per hour than a babysitter. Older DD especially loved this time she got to play with friends.

adri77 · August 2011

H is home b/w 8-9 everynight, M-F. I have no family in the area. My kids are starting preschool next week, that will be my free time. In the past, I've used a babysitter everyother week for a few hours.

sunnybrook. · August 2011

My DH works a lot too and we have no family within driving distance. I'm 22 weeks pg and have 19 month old twins. I have a babysitter who comes 10-12 hours a week. About 1/2 of the time she comes with me to activities I can't do alone with the girls (swimming pools, sprayground, large indoor play places, etc.). The other 1/2 of the time I go to my OB & MFM appointments, run errands, grocery shop and sometimes nap

I also have a cleaning lady who comes every two weeks.

Heather&Ben · August 2011

My H works 6 days a week, long hrs, travels most of the year but he has July off (unpaid) & a long Christmas break; he's an athletic trainer at an university. Our LO is 11 weeks old so I am quickly learning how challenging it is to get it all done! H helps out some when he can & I have learned to do "this week" lists vs. today lists! lol We'll see how things progress!

Heather&Ben · August 2011

oh,forgot to add:

we have no family in the area.

I will be joining a mom's group & when LO gets a bit older he will go in the childcare provided for the couple of hrs when we meet to do our book/guest speaker/etc.

I also do childcare now for a friend for 1.5 days a week ( 6.5 mo old & 3.5 yr old)...those 2 days I am busy,busy!!

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