My beautiful daughter just turned1 year old! When I think about how smart, healthy, strong, independent, loving, funny and sweet my little girl is I become overwhelmed with gratefulness and love; that is after I fight a hard battle to get there.
I battle everyday with Postpartum Depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.
It makes me feel guilty to even acknowledge it. I know that I love my daughter more than life itself; and that I do everything I can to be the best mom in the world for her. But most days I don't feel like it's enough.That's the evil of my disease.That's why I don't really talk about it; not until now. The past few months have been the worse, and only getting harder. It's really frustrating when therapy isn't going to solve it; medications cause a full blown revolt between my mind and body - and all this time I am still a new mom, a new wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, an aunt, and a Christian. But because of my Faith, I know there is Hope. I know that my incredibly supportive husband, family and friends are gifts and are my rock in the shaky times. They all love me so much and I know that they are fighting just as hard as I am to get "me" back.
It takes baby steps, and LOADS of perseverance. I have to accept that there are good days, and there are bad days. But as one of my most favorite verses simply states "If God is for us; who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)
So as this first years comes to an end, I have made a decision to fight harder and celebrate more. I also want to reach out to any other mom's who may suffer with me; I know how incredibly hard it is to talk about but maybe we could be a support for each other. Because I know that I am not the only one suffering from this and I know that I won't be the last.
I just needed to get this off my chest. It's really hard to talk about with other Mom's that haven't felt what I have. Thanks for taking the time to read this.