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Advice re: MIL's depression

Han17nah39Han17nah39 member
in Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
My MIL suffers from depression and has for a long time (since DH was a child).  She goes through periods when it's worse than others and now happens to be one of those "bad" times.  She usually comes to see DS once a week or so and it's been almost a month since we've seen her.  She hasn't called much either.  When we do invite her to do stuff she's been declining, which is completely unlike her.  I haven't dealt with depression issues like this with my immediate family and I am just not sure how to handle it.  Should we keep calling her, inviting her to do stuff, sending her pictures message of DS and asking her when she's coming over or does that just make things worse?  I want her to know that we miss her but I also don't want to overwhelm her.  I am afraid that if we just "give her some time" she will think we don't even miss her being around.  I guess I am just not sure what best for HER and am looking for some advice.  TIA!  
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Re: Advice re: MIL's depression

  • lilbit923lilbit923 member
    Go by her house, take her to lunch. If she's in one of her "bad times" then getting her outside the same 4 walls may do her some good.
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  • gingerfamilygingerfamily member

    It's so nice to hear someone actually concerned about their MIL rather than complaining about their IL's like you normally see on these boards. 

    Anyway, I would continue to call...  even if it's just to say hi.  Maybe stop by with some dinner one night (nothing fancy, a pizza maybe)? 

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  • ENI36ENI36 member
    It is so nice of you to be concerned about her.  Like PP, I would continue to call.  I have been through depression before and even if I didn't feel like going out, just knowing people cared about me helped so much.  Does she go to therapy?  Is she on medication?  If not, do you think she would be open to hearing these suggestions from you?
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  • Han17nah39Han17nah39 member

    Thanks for the advice.  I know she is in therapy and on medication.  She's had a rough few months...lost her job, then her dog died, then her 2 kittens died...it's been rough on her.  Now she has a new dog that she seems overly interested in...IMO.  She won't even let the dog go outside to pee...she has "pee pads" set up all around the house.  She's been dressing up the dog in dresses and everything.  It's kinda weird and out of the ordinary for her.  I kept thinking things would get better but then she got the new dog and things just seem to be going further downhill DH is worried about her too but we just aren't really sure what to do.  She has a part time job now and seems to like that.  Her husband (DH's stepdad) is very supportive of her, so I know she has him around.  I just feel badly for and want to help her the best I can.  Thanks for the advice.  

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  • Kingston54Kingston54 member
    I'd definitely be persistent in showing her you care and want her around.  Just be understanding that if she declines it is because she is going through her own issues.  She might need that attention from you to show you care.
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  • DanielleeeDanielleee member
    My mother has suffered from depression since I was little, and also goes through periods like this.  My mom goes through periods where she won't pick up the phone for days, which makes us all worry like crazy because she lives alone.  I would continue to call her and send pictures etc, but not be too aggressive about it.  Maybe next time you talk to her you could say something like, "I can tell that you are going through a difficult time right now, and if there is anything that we can do to help, please let us know.  Sometimes just gently acknowledging the depressive episode helps my mom realize that she needs to do something.  Sometimes it doesn't help.  There isn't very much you can do.  Hang in there, I know it's tough!
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