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what do you think?

so1966so1966
in Success after IF

Be honest w/ me and let me know how you would react.  I have 3 longtime friends from junior high and the 4 of us are all good friends. One of my friends, ?E?,  went through IF and was lucky enough to get PG on her 1st IVF. She?s the only one that came to see my LO and gave me hand-me-downs and expresses an interest.

 

My other two friends, just basically responded  with a congrats to my email and one of them (?M?)  even said that she can?t wait to see him.  Neither of the two have come to see the LO, nor have sent a card or nothing.  My friend ?E? mentioned that she can?t get a hold of ?M? either and that?s she?s sooo busy.  I am just so hurt. They know that I went through numerous failed treatments and I  finally had a baby after 7 years of being married.   I?d hate to end my friendship with these 2 ladies over this, but I am just so hurt. My family even has noticed and are disappointed in them?

 

I don?t think I expect much. I realize if you are busy with your family commitments, it?s not easy to stop by and visit, but even an email to check-in or something would have been appropriate and good enough for me.  I deserve better, even if I didn't go through IF....

 

After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
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Re: what do you think?

  • beebe929beebe929 member

    Adult friendships have many ebs and flows... step back from the friendship if you need to, but there is no need to formally call the friendship off.

    Sorry your feelings are hurt.  Sometimes people do things they don't even realize are hurtful, but such is life!

     

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  • MonkeysGirl05MonkeysGirl05

    Do the other two, who have not been to see your LO, have kids?

    Kinda like beeb's said above, friendships change over time. You may get an unexpected visit or call next week or nothing for months. People, myself included, get caught up in their own lives. It hurts, but it happens. I'd cut them a little slack and treat them how you want to be treated. Chances are they will come around and feel like crap that it took them so long to do so.

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  • so1966so1966

    monkeys girl...yes they do have kids and you better believe i was there to see them when they were born and buy baby gifts. i even sent get well cards (just before LO was born)  when they both had hysterectomys.  i guess i consider myself more thoughtful....

     just plain disappointing....

    After 7 years of marriage and 5 unsuccessful IVFs, we have been granted the gift of adopting a baby boy, born 4/21/11.
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  • ladychicagoladychicago member
    It is really tough to say without being in the situation or knowing the friendships. It could very well be a huge snub given the history of your friendships. But, I honestly didnt expect much of anything from any of my friends when DD was born. I was always shocked and touched when someone did send something, because I just didn't expect it. It was our good news, our good fortune, and I had every blessing in the world in my arms, even if no one ever said congratulations. People have their own lives. But I also felt the same way about our wedding...i dont know. in general I don't expect people to go out of their way to celebrate with us - it is just an added bonus if they do.
    Brought to you by IVF, ICSI, limited fert, and oocyte cryopreservation.
    Because we're fancy like that.

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  • itsmevkbitsmevkb member

    I remember some of my friendships changed drastically when I had my miscarriages and certain people didn't even acknowledge them.  I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt that they just didn't know what to do but I still think if they were really my good friends they would have done something.

    Your friends know how long you've waited for this baby and how hard your road has been and so I, like you, would expect a bit more from them.  I totally understand how busy lives get but at the same time, you make time for what is important, and emailing you or sending you a card is important and honestly doesn't take much time.  I would try and give them the benefit of the doubt with regards to visiting as they may think you don't want visitors with a new baby but I would find their general lack of interest disappointing.  Would I end the friendships over it?  Probably not, but it would weaken them for sure.

    I'm sorry.

    Kelly, Mom to Christopher Shannon 9.27.06, Catherine Quinn 2.24.09, Trey Barton lost on 12.28.09, Therese Barton lost on 6.10.10, Joseph Sullivan 7.23.11, and our latest, Victoria Maren 11.15.12

    Secondary infertility success with IVF, then two losses, one at 14 weeks and one at 10 weeks, then success with IUI and then just pure, crazy luck.  Expecting our fifth in May as the result of a FET.

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  • krissyh21krissyh21 member
    My HS friends all have older children then me. One friend went through a round of IVF recently for her third, it failed and she stopped treatment. She is the only person who took interest in D out of this group.
    I am not sure if it is the IF thing or it is just that they are at a different place in their lives. Maybe I just recall being different with the birth of their children because I sort of live vicariously through them at the time? KWIM?
    My sister even takes a different role in my sons life as I did with her kids. I was always wanting to hold, feed and even change them. Where she is more like "been there done that- your turn..."
    Hmmph, yes hurtful. But not purposefully against me I don't think anyway.
    A lot of years and a million tears finally led me to you.
    After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
    My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
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  • desabeandesabean member
    Do they have kids?  Before I had G, I was this friend. I totally did not get it and I am lucky I have some very understanding, patient friends.  Though one did call me out on it point blank and tell me she was hurt that I hadn't met her son yet.  Hope you can work it out.
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