Baby things from DH/SO - long
myrall
member
As we get further along with kidlet #2, it's becoming even more obvious that we have ZERO baby things or photos of DH as a kid. I don't have funny cards he made as a kid, I don't have drawings, I don't even have photos of him as an infant.
My step-mom handed all my boxes of stuff over to me when I got into a place of my own. I have letters I wrote, cards I drew, school pictures, school records - you name it. She even gave me the photo albums of me as an infant that my mother made. All priceless material.
But DH's parents will not let ANYTHING go. Because of the vicious nature of the custody battle he underwent as a kid, stuff got ripped down the middle and both parents are maintaining an iron grip on what does exist (and even DH isn't sure what is or isn't there).
It's awful. Geneva gets to look at pictures of Mama as a baby and kid, but we have nothing to show of DH's childhood. I get so sad when I think about it and I just want to yell at the both of them (including SMIL) to grow the f*#@ up. It's like DH has no history.
DH has asked both his mother and father for photo albums or anything they might have. And we get teensy trickles of 1 or 2 pictures or photo albums HE made of pictures of cats when he was 13. It's almost as if he didn't exist.
So, what do I do? What would you do? Am I just lucky that my parents kept that stuff for me and handed it over so readily? Shoot, they could just make photocopies and send me those and I'd be good. I can't even say who Geneva looks more like as a kid because we literally have no photographic evidence.
Re: Baby things from DH/SO - long
I think the hardest part is that we would already have them copied if they'd even relinquish hold on them. All DH gets is stonewalling from both parties. "Oh, I just don't know where any of that stuff is." "It was so long ago, why do you need it?" You get the picture.
And his mother has pretty much said his baby pics will have to be pried out of her cold dead hands! She lives in Oklahoma, so it's not like we're next door. DH got to look at some of his old photos on a trip we made to see MIL in Chicago once. And even then, she would barely let him handle them.
*sigh*
That sucks! Since I deal with divorces everyday I know how possessive people can be about these things, but it's usually with their former spouse and not their own children! That said, perhaps he could ask his mom to go have them copied and that he'll pay so that she's assured she'll get them back since she'll have control over where she takes them. Even have him send her $100 in advance. That's the only way I can sometimes get my clients copies of stuff.
I think you are lucky to have the things you have. I moved a lot as a kid and there is very little left of that sort of thing. No report cards, drawings, etc. One year, in an awake year, my mom made each of us kids photo albums from grandparents to our own personal "current" time (this was in '96 or so). I have that with some baby pics, etc, but I didn't live with my mom from age 8-18, so not a whole lot from then. My dad/stepmother got rid of all my stuff when I moved out. Trophies, blue ribbons, journals, photos (yes! photos!). My stepmother was mad that I left.
We have a few things of Nico's, but mostly drawings. And a DVD of old family movies. But not a lot of stuff we can hang on the walls or look at regularly.
So yes, we each have a few things, but it sounds like you have a lot of your childhood in your home. I think that's very lucky and I hope to give the same to my own kids someday.
OK my thoughts might be silly on this one but I don't have all my baby pics at my house and neither does my DH. We have a few things here and there but it is hard to keep up with it. Honestly I don't mind this because my fear is what if there was a fire. That is the first thing that you lose. So if each of us have a few things then we won't lose it 100% so we can pass on.
When my grandmother passed away over a year ago my grandfather gave me all their pics of them, my dad and uncle and my baby pics that they had of me. I took those and spread them out because I didn't want them all in one place. I kept the ones I liked and gave the rest to my dad and uncle.
Is this crazy thinking that I think this way?
Tell them you want to make a DVD or photobook for them for Christmas. That you will scan all the pictures in and return them right back just the way they are now. Then you guys have all the electronic copies which are better anyway :-) My grandmother was a little clingy with hers and is HUGELY skeptical of any kind of technology. But I made a photo slide show for them one year for Christmas and she watches it all the time.
I'm the polar opposite.
Since he's already asked for some stuff I would be flat out specific and frank. "We need quarterly pictures of DH between the ages of birth-5. That's 20 photos. Yearly photos will suffice from ages 6-18. I need 3 handmade cards, preferably (1) V-day, (1) Fathers Day and (1) Mothers Day. I need at least (1) handmade christmas ornament, with the date written on the back. Bonus points if has a picture and/or smells like cinnamon. I need at least (3) graded school papers and (2) art projects that must contain 3 or more of the following: macaroni, yarn, googley eyes, thumbprint, handprint, footprint, cotton balls, pipe cleaners, or glitter.
To the effect of what you're saying, I definitely don't have all of my stuff. I just have a pretty good collection. My SM and Dad still hold the bulk of family photos. I mainly got the ones from birth up until Dad remarried when I was 8. My folks have also held on to particularly precious pieces of school art. My keepsake box had little things like sweaters my Grandma made, various ribbons/trophies, school projects, and some pictures. Also, my SM and Dad don't like keeping stuff around. They purge regularly. They're currently getting rid of what's left of my high school keepsakes. I've already been asked to come collect them.
This is hilarious. It's not like we haven't been asking for these things for 10 years. I will say that the one photo they did manage to cough up was a 5x7 of Rob, full frontal, about age 4, peeing on a bush. His dad thought it was ridiculously funny. DH was mortified.
What makes me LOL is that if I sent my MIL a bulleted list like that, she wouldn't bat an eye. She would simply pull down 4 tupperware storage bins and go through the gallon sized, chronologically ordered zip lock bags and pull the requested items out. And then Fedex it to me, overnight, with probably the latest Clinique bonus.
Maybe they can scan some stuff and send to you but they would still have the original.
My Mom's family kept everything and it was a shrine to their children. I loved going over to my Grandmother's house and look at old pictures and yearbooks.
But my Dad's house burned down a year after his Dad died (when he was 19...stinky year) and there are very, very few pictures of him as a child remaining. I really never thought anything of it to be honest.
Agreed! I wish we had these things as well! After many, many moves across continents, everything got fewer and fewer. But even with DH who wasn't a military brat, we hardly have anything of him as a baby.
LOL! This is so my MIL as well (except for the Clinique bonus, but she would probably find some yard ornament from Homegoods and send it to me).
I don't really have any childhood momentos either. My mom is a very possesive person and just the thought of asking her to part with any of that stuff makes me cringe.