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WWYD if your toddler pushed over a 10 month old...

HappycoupleHappycouple member
in Success after IF

DS has gotten 80% better with his 'slapping' other kids phase over the past few months.  Today at a pool party he was being very gentle and sweet to our good friends 10 month old and then very quickly and rather firmly pushed him over (they were both sittingo n the grass).  We were right there, but maybe gave him too much freedom.  DH got very upset as did I, but since this was a baby and our very close friends, we feel extra bad about it.  Their child wasnt hurt, but could have been if they werent on the grass. 

We left fairly soon after the incident and our friends did not seem upset, but still.  Since DS has come so far in the last few months, I dont want to discount his improvments, but this is not acceptable....what sort of punishment would you have given

Severe MFI resulting in IVF/ICSI #1 in Nov 2007. BFP!!
Our beautiful son was born July 2008.
2010: 2 IVF's,1 FET = 2 BFN's, 1 c/p :(
Feb 2011-Unmedicated FET= BFP!! DS #2 born Oct 2011!!.



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Re: WWYD if your toddler pushed over a 10 month old...

  • howleyshellhowleyshell member

    With our kids we have a "you broke it, you fix it" policy.

    Their first responsibility is to make amends.  That means help them up, hug them and if they're hurt go find an ice pack for them.  Then stay with them and give them your undivided attention until they are no longer upset.

    Then hugs and "I'm sorry" when they have calmed down and are able to receive the gesture.

    Then - a time out.

    I would have hands down done all of the above including the time out in that situation.

    It's important for them to know that the result of the behavior is consistent regardless of the location of the incident.  My kids have had time outs at friend's houses and even in an aisle in the grocery store.

    It's important for the "victim" and the family of the victim to know we take it seriously and do not tolerate it so they don't think it's something they need to fear from our child/ren again in the future as regular or accepted behavior. 

    Our IF journey: 1 m/c, 1 IVF with only 3 eggs retrieved yielding Dylan and a lost twin, 1 shocker unmedicated BFP resulting in Jace, 3 more unmedicated pregnancies ending in more losses.
    Total score: 6 pregnancies, 5 losses, 2 amazing blessings that I'm thankful for every single day.
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  • HappycoupleHappycouple member
    imagehowleyshell:

    With our kids we have a "you broke it, you fix it" policy.

    Their first responsibility is to make amends.  That means help them up, hug them and if they're hurt go find an ice pack for them.  Then stay with them and give them your undivided attention until they are no longer upset.

    Then hugs and "I'm sorry" when they have calmed down and are able to receive the gesture.

    Then - a time out.

    I would have hands down done all of the above including the time out in that situation.

    It's important for them to know that the result of the behavior is consistent regardless of the location of the incident.  My kids have had time outs at friend's houses and even in an aisle in the grocery store.

    It's important for the "victim" and the family of the victim to know we take it seriously and do not tolerate it so they don't think it's something they need to fear from our child/ren again in the future as regular or accepted behavior. 

    Thx!!!!--we did the timeout immediately and then DS voluntarily went up to our friends and their baby and said he was sorry.   I think i am more so mad at myself for not pulling him away BEFORE it even occured.  Im so relieved and less stressed that his behavior has improved, but  we still need to be careful...especially around babies. FYI--my friend is very well aware of his hitting phase as Ive talked to her about it on numerous occasions and even have told her that it was getting better.  We apologized several times when we wete there and I even sent an e-mail when i got home so that they know we are taking it seriously etc.

    Severe MFI resulting in IVF/ICSI #1 in Nov 2007. BFP!!
    Our beautiful son was born July 2008.
    2010: 2 IVF's,1 FET = 2 BFN's, 1 c/p :(
    Feb 2011-Unmedicated FET= BFP!! DS #2 born Oct 2011!!.



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