I know we all talk about the hurtful things ppl say but...

orangegoggles · August 2011

how about the good things? Anyone have someone say the right thing or give you some good advice, or just listen? Post them here!

orangegoggles · August 2011

The best thing someone did for me was to just listen. A friend of mine (who has had 2 m/c) just let me talk without adding her 2 cents. It was so nice to have that time to talk about how I was feeling without someone trying to spin everything I said into a positive or "answer" back to everything I said.

The same friend also told me that when I do get pregnant that I should not let this pregnancy influence my next pregnancy. I was talking to her about how I felt angry that I won't get to be blissfully happy about my next one and I will be nervous the whole time. She did acknowledge how hard it will be but she remind me that every baby deserves the excitement and happiness that the first one received. I thought that was a nice way of saying it.

GracieBlue · August 2011

pangnl79:
The best thing someone did for me was to just listen. A friend of mine (who has had 2 m/c) just let me talk without adding her 2 cents. It was so nice to have that time to talk about how I was feeling without someone trying to spin everything I said into a positive or "answer" back to everything I said.

The same friend also told me that when I do get pregnant that I should not let this pregnancy influence my next pregnancy. I was talking to her about how I felt angry that I won't get to be blissfully happy about my next one and I will be nervous the whole time. She did acknowledge how hard it will be but she remind me that every baby deserves the excitement and happiness that the first one received. I thought that was a nice way of saying it.

I needed to hear that. That has been the thing I have been saddest about, aside from losing the baby - not being able to be happy next time.

thank you!

PinkyLeigh123 · August 2011

pangnl79: I loved your second paragraph. that is so true...

The nicest thing for me occurred last night. I finally told my friend (first one person outside of family and work) that I had a m/c. I was expecting the usual cliche responses, and she told me she had one 2 months ago. we were both holding it in and never even knew about the others...it was SO NICE to let the words/emotions flow out and not worry about the other person thinking i'm crazy. It sucked that we were going through it, but atleast we can go through it together.

charmedgrl517 · August 2011

Thanks so much for creating this post and for sharing what your friend said. That is so true and great inspiration.

jjunne · August 2011

My sister said "I am so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this. It just sucks & it's not fair. I am here for you" It was perfect and she was the only one who didn't piss me off when I told them.

mtc21 · August 2011

That really is a nice thing of your friend to say and I never thought about it that way...I had my D&C Friday and was talking to a nurse about it...she said ppl say what they think will help but unless they have been through it...it usually ends up making us feel worse...my dad, who was more excited than I was, actually said to me.."Marissa, ppl loose babies everyday..you cant dwell on it" keep in mind the lil peanut was still in me! But anyway the nurse looked at my chart...looked me in the eye, put her hand on mine and said how are YOU feeling...I lost it...that was the first time someone didn't say "it wasn't meant to be" or "the timing wasn't right" I swear the next person that says that will need a plastic surgeon. Be grateful you have a friend that knows your heartache and a message board like this full of supportive ladies that wont say better luck next time. I hope YOU are doing well and I'm sending hugs your way

tdmd09 · August 2011

Probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me was when I went to a follow up appointment after my D&C and the nurse asked how I was feeling and I told her about pain and cramps, etc. Then she said...

"But more importantly, how is your heart?"

It made me cry, but it made me feel like she really understood that the recovery is far more emotional than physical.

Robeano · August 2011

I feel so blessed. Everybody has given me hugs, cried with me and just said they were sorry. More people are concerned with how my DH and I are doing since this was our second m/c in a row they are very concerned for our emotional state which has been very helpful. Glad to share some positives once in a while.

kevinandmonica2011 · August 2011

My OB, actually, was the one who came through with what I needed to hear. When I went in to find out what was going on (turned out to be a cp/early mc), she explained what had happened to me...

after a few minutes of medical talk, she looked at me and just said "This sucks".

I was like "yeah... you know what... you're right... this just sucks." It was so simple, so not mushy and "i'm sorry-ish" (I got enough of those over the next few days, usually followed by a ..."but..." something)... but seriously... just a plain old "This sucks" actually made me feel like she really understood what was going on in my head.

raashton · August 2011

When I was so angry at how so many people could have kids and not want them, my sister in law said, "Sometimes that is all the hardship that they can handle- becoming parents easily." As silly as it was, it was the right words in the right place. She also tells me all the time that she is so proud of me. I love her and have grown so close to her through this.

thesegools · August 2011

This is a great idea for a post, btw...

I recently told my best friend about my 2 miscarriages. I had previously only told my mom and sister because as much as I love my friends, I didn't think anyone would really understand and I didn't want to become a pity party. Lame I know. I should have told them sooner!

My friend told me that she was sorry for what I was going through and that she was always there for me. She also told me to tell her anything and everything I was feeling as I continue this journey because she wants me to know that she cares and she is thinking of me. My friend is also studying to be a Rabbi so she told me she would pray for me and send positive thoughts my way.

Very simple words, but SUCH an impact. I literally felt a HUGE weight lifted when I finally talked about my feelings to her and she just listened. We both agreed that this is a subject that people do not talk about and should. Not that I am going to make it my facebook status any time soon, but I am glad to be able to talk about it with the people who care about me, and with the amazing women on this board!

orangegoggles · August 2011

Hi Ladies,

I lost power for a few days so I just getting back on here to read your posts, it was nice to hear what others have said to you. It really is so nice to hear some kind and caring comments

Peckles · September 2011

This is a great thread. Thank you. It's what I need to read right now. Smile

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I know we all talk about the hurtful things ppl say but...

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