I just need to pout for a bit, feel free to pout with me.

Chippmunk · August 2011

So, in five days, my DH is getting deployed for a year. I was kind of hoping that in light of this, he'd be more into doing couple-y things with me. Shopping, cuddling, movie-watching, just being together. You know, that kind of thing. Especially since we probably won't get to do a ton of that when he comes home on leave or comes home period since our baby will be here by then. Instead, it seems like he's more distant than ever. He's spending a ton of time away from home with his friends- which I understand. He's going to be away from them, too. Even when he's home though.... He doesn't sit with me in the living room... He doesn't eat dinner with me... He's just....distant. The only time he really seems to want to be around me is in bed, when he's trying to "play" with me. Makes me feel REAL wanted...yeah...okay then. Whatever.

The thing is, I grew up military. I watched my Mom and Stepfather and how they acted. I understand what's going on here with this. He's pulling away so that he won't miss me too much when he's gone. The problem is- I watched my stepdad do this to my mom and then I listened to my mom cry over it. Then, he would come home and apologize because he missed her even more despite the pulling away he did before deploying. But he did it EVERY time, without fail. How am I supposed to tell my DH that while I understand what he's doing and why, it's not going to work?

Part of me feels like I just need to suck it up and get over it, but a part of me that is much bigger than that part of me just now, just wants to cry and pout and stomp like a little kid. Just because. I'll probably suck it up soon enough, in the meantime, feel free to pout with me.

Joie80 · August 2011

I'm sorry and I wish I had some advice. Our first deployment is upon us. DH is doing workups across the country for several weeks, then block leave, then to the sandbox. I've heard about the different stages of deployment and I guess, to some extent, each person handles it differently. It may be too late to really talk with him about this, maybe once he gets back and things get back to normal you could bring it up? I don't know. I think it's perfectly okay to pout for a little bit. Just don't over-indulge. Remind yourself after a little while to suck it up before it turns into a full-fledged pity party.GL

RunningMom08 · August 2011

Have you tried talking to him about how you are feeling? Sometimes guys will do this without them even realizing that they are pushing you away. Deployments can be very hard. I think the soldiers get ready to deploy by focusing all their attention on the task at hand, and not how it will effect the spouses and families at home. I would try to gently bring it up how you are feeling and see if this helps at all.

SheilaE · August 2011

While this can be part of the deployment process and is considered a possible way of dealing with leaving. I think you should speak to him about how you are feeling, and that you want to spend some time couple time together. He may not realize how you feel.

Chippmunk · August 2011

Thanks all for the advice and comments. I have tried to talk to him, but it seems like everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. He asks me what's wrong, then when I start to tell him, he turns on the television and does the nod and "Uh-huh" thing.

I'm not going to let myself feel bad for myself much longer. I've never been able to let myself wallow in self-pity for long, and I always feel better after having written it down. It's just a bonus that for once, there were people around to give me advice and make me feel better. So, again, thank you.

wither16 · August 2011

Chippmunk:

Thanks all for the advice and comments. I have tried to talk to him, but it seems like everything I say goes in one ear and out the other. He asks me what's wrong, then when I start to tell him, he turns on the television and does the nod and "Uh-huh" thing.

I'm not going to let myself feel bad for myself much longer. I've never been able to let myself wallow in self-pity for long, and I always feel better after having written it down. It's just a bonus that for once, there were people around to give me advice and make me feel better. So, again, thank you.

Oh girl, wish I could have a drink with you and give you a big old hug. I think like you said, you saw this growing up and it's unforutnately common with guys when they leave home. DH and I are 7 deployments in, and sadly, it hasn't changed much. But I try to remind myself that if that is what he needs to do to get his head in the game, then I can suffer a little. And then I can cry and throw a tantrum when he isn't looking. Obviously, you are so important and special to him, and he just doesn't know what to say to make it any easier. So let him see that while you are sad, you are the amazing strong woman he married that will get throw this just fine. And then as soon as you drop him off, even if it's 6am, grab a bottle of wine, a hot bubble bath and have a nice long pity party!! Good luck and you are in my thoughts as you go thru this time.

runxc31 · August 2011

My husband was the same way on the last deployment on the days coming up, He was just a tough guy i guess you could say, and wasn't really one to show his emotions, but once he left, I guess he had a don't know what you got til its gone moment, and we really became closer than ever. and R an R was amazing, and he has been home since June and everything has been perfect! So just tell yourself that maybe it is a phase, and in the end, its all going to work out great! I hope it does! Stay strong! Deployment does not last forever! ,

SHAYD12 · August 2011

I just went threw this with my husband and watched it with all my friends before they all left.. and it seems like thats just what they do and if freakin sucks! i took it till the day of deployment.. the move, him leaving everything i broke down and told him how i felt.. it was hard because he broke down too and you could tell that all his feelings were over whelming him even though we have done this 3 times.. just gets harder.. but i think it was good because he was able to tell me how he felt and as did i and i feel like that brought us closer before he left which i think is good

Im sorry that your having to go threw that and dont worry your not the only one, it just sucks! the though of them being gone for so long is horrible but we are all stronger then we thing and when you have the little one, you will be busy and it will go fast!!

You will do great

I just need to pout for a bit, feel free to pout with me.

Re: I just need to pout for a bit, feel free to pout with me.

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