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November 2011 Moms
Anyone else's family throwing a fit re: Thanksgiving?
Perhaps I am being selfish but being that I am due 3 weeks before Thanksgiving I do not find it unreasonable that I am not willing to commit, at this point, to traveling for Thanksgiving this year. I am hoping for a vbac but if I go past due I will most likely end up with a rcs. My last cs recovery was not great and I have never experienced recovery from a vag birth so I don't know what to expect and I am just not willing to make definite plans to go before baby comes. My mother and my two aunts take turns hosting Thanksgiving dinner and this year it is one of my aunt's turn. She lives about 2 hours away. I just don't know how it's all going to work out and don't know how I will feel about making the drive (4hr round trip) with a toddler and a newborn at 3 weeks pp (give or take). Out of consideration for others, my first thought was to go ahead and decline so they could go ahead with thier planning without DH, the girls and I holding anything up. That did not fly. Everyone is throwing a fit and wanting me to say we will definitely be there. ::sigh:: I do feel bad about it but I just want to enjoy the holiday with my little family and put as little stress on myself as possible. I'm not counting it out yet. I'm definitely willing to wait and see how things go before I make the decision BUT if they want a decision now (I totally understand but) the answere is no. No one else in this side of the family has and children and I just feel like they don't understand at all. Is anyone else having similar issues or am I just being selfish?
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Re: Anyone else's family throwing a fit re: Thanksgiving?
You're definitely not being selfish. Having a newborn alone should warrant an understanding from people that Holidays may not be the same this year. I am not committing to any Thanksgiving plans, and most of our family events will be within 10 minutes of our home. We have one side of the family that lives an hour away, and I have already decided we definitely won't be traveling to that one. If anybody wants an answer now, it would be no, but otherwise we'll decide closer to the day. However, right now I'm leaning towards just staying at home and enjoying the day with DH and LO, that way I don't have to worry about having LO around anybody that might be sick.
Just be firm in your answer, NO means NO.
If things are wonderful after the baby is born then, yes you can change your mind and go. I wouldn't even tell them that though, just stick with no. If they get thier panties in a twist---tough! Just have to grow some thick skin and lay down the law!
I'm having my RCS on 11-22. If I get discharged early like I did after having DS, I'll be coming home on Thanksgiving day. My Mom already tried to pressure me into coming over on our way home "that way we won't have to worry about dinner."
I told her that after bringing DS2 and I home, DH will be taking DD and DS1 to his parents for dinner (they have it around 2pm) and then he'll stop by my parents for dessert and to pick up dinner for me.
I wouldn't even mind having the new baby at my parents (his parents are smokers so I try to avoid going there), but I have young nephews and cousins that will be there and they will want to touch. My older nephews will understand that they can't, but my almost 2yo nephew won't and my one 9 yo cousin definitely won't. For the 9yo alone, I wouldn't want to bring my new baby there.
I'm sorry you're going through this; you're definitely not being selfish, you're being reasonable.
We haven't even discussed Thanksgiving in my family. This baby is due just a few days before, so I could have a newborn or could still be waiting. I don't plan to make any plans, but will rather take it as it comes. Luckily, my family will be very understanding of that.
You aren't being selfish. I have already made it clear to my IL's we will not be there for Thanksgiving this year. DH's aunt lives over an hour away and invites every Tom, ***, & Harry to holiday dinners. I don't want to be the biotch that won't let people touch her baby, but she'll be all of 3 weeks old if she comes on time. I told MIL that I have no problem doing a turkey breast dinner here if she would like to come here, she in turn said that we could bring everything to her so she wouldn't have to travel anywhere. I'll let DH handle that, I'm not cooking everything/taking care of a newborn/and packing everything up to head to her house, not happening.
My mom lives 7 minutes from us and hosts Thanksgiving, she is trying to get us to come over to her house if we aren't going to DH's aunts. I keep telling her that's sweet of her, but it's not our year for Thanksgiving with my family and I don't want anyone getting pissy because we'd be having Thanksgiving and Christmas with my family.
Stand your ground, they'll get over it.
IVF#1 Jan/Feb 2011 Lupron Follistim 1/29
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You aren't being selfish at all.
I was a little shocked that LO's fathers family was as understanding as they were with Thanksgiving. LO's father told them that him and I and LO will be doing Thanksgiving at my apartment and his parents are more then welcome to come but that is it.
Good luck! I would just be firm, especially if you end up having another c-section.
You have GOT to be kidding me! There is no way I would travel 2 hours with a 3 week old for Thanksgiving dinner, even if I had a totally easy vaginal delivery. No WAY! I'm really just amazed sometimes at people's expectations. No one in your house is likely to be sleeping well, you'll be bleeding and exhausted, your tiny little baby will be exposed to all kinds of germs, the list goes on and on.
I would just be firm - I also bet you can get your pediatrician to "recommend" that you not travel. I know mine would have.
Don't feel bad at all. My parents live less than 10 minutes away and his parents live at the most 20 minutes away and we've told them we're not traveling this year. We're staying home, just the three of us. DSS will be at his BM's house this year, or else I may have considered it since it may be his last Thanksgiving at home as a kid. We just feel like we do enough traveling between his mom's family, his dad's family and my parents every year for both big holidays that we decided this Thanksgiving is about us.
My parents were cool with it, my step-father-in-law and my SIL were both like, "Duh, of course we don't expect you this year," but MIL and BIL are both being kinda sh1tty about it. DH told them to just get over it. They can stop by, it's one day and it's not like we won't see them around that day and for Christmas, we see them multiple times per week as it is.
I'm pretty sure that right after you give birth you're SUPPOSED to be selfish. Your #1 priority is to that baby and your own healing. I agree with everyone else. No means no and they are just going to have to grow up and deal.
I'm due Thanksgiving Day and we went a step past being unwilling to commit. We in fact told everyone, the day we found out our due date, that we will NOT be going anywhere for Thanksgiving. IF we all feel up to it, and I'm not actually giving birth, I know there will places at the table for us if we want them, we have just been clear from day one not to count on us.
I would stop being unsure or giving maybes to your aunt and just say, "no, not this year."
The problem is not whether you will make it, but when they get to hold the baby.
How is this for an answer "I will defiantly not know until after the baby is born. If you have to have an answer now, then I will have to say no we will not make it."
I haven't had any push back from my family mainly because I haven't talked about it with them. I'm due the Monday after Thanksgiving and I still don't know if I'll have a vbac or a rcs. If we try for a rcs, then I'll probably not have had the baby at Thanksgiving and dinner will go as it always does - hosted by my family. If I have a rcs, then I'll either be in the hospital or getting home on T-day and I'm not hosting dinner and I'm not having the entire family over to my house, even if they do all the cooking, cleaning, and whatnot.
After DD was born, we stopped at my grandmother's apt and had a little celebration with cake. It was way way too much and there ended up being way too many people there - but still less than what would be at T-day dinner.
I may suggest DD and MIL (who will be here for a few weeks) go to where ever dinner ends up being, so its extra quiet when we get home.
You aren't being selfish at all! Your family isn't thinking about what is best for your immediate family (you, DH, baby), just that they want to see a cute baby and hold it. You do what you are comfortable with.
I'm like you, it's my turn for Thanksgiving with my side, but they are going to VA (8 hours away). We've already said we are not going, and most likely not going (99% sure) to his family Thanksgiving either (2 hours away). We are all going to be sleep deprived, adapting, etc. to the new baby. I'm also not fond of the idea of her being handed around by 20 people during flu season. We are also skipping his Mom's side family reunion/Thanksgiving/Christmas party (I don't think his Mom knows that yet). We haven't had any slack from anyone.
We may join friends or a few family members instead, but they would be small gatherings, and in town. They understand it would be a last minute yes or no if we come. I don't feel bad at all telling people we aren't coming. Just be firm and not waver in your answer, or they will keep asking.