Not sure how to feel...

UOduckBride2be · August 2011

Hi again all! Well I think I am now, by definition, insane. We are in the exact same situation we have been in 4 times over the last 6+ years and expecting a different result, well at least hoping for it. I got a BFP this morning, 3 in fact. My reaction was not excitement though, it was more "are you kidding me?". We met with our RE 2 days ago (before I knew), and he suggeted nothing new to try to keep me pregnant; no heparin, baby aspirin, extra folic acid or PIO. Nothing, because all my tests came back normal. We were all set to start our first cycle with him next week. I'm not sure how to feel, we were already in the mindset that we were going to do an IUI to be sure we liked the staff and then move onto IVF. I'm not really optimistic and I wish there was something we could do to help our chances. As pathetic as it sounds DH and I are looking at this as a setback that will prolong our wait to cycle by a few months and if that doesn't happen then it is just a fortunate miracle. We are preparing for the worst and not really letting ourselves hope for the best at this point. I feel so bad posting this, I know so many of you would love to post a BFP. We've just been through this before and for us we have never had a happy ending. I wish I could be like so many other gals and get all excited about a BFP and get cutsey and tell DH in some elaborate way, with smiles, hugs and kisses, but that just isn't us anymore. Arrrgh! This crap sucks so much! It takes away so much of the joy we should be able to feel!

mtlaurel · August 2011

Hey, no apologies necessary. I understand why you would feel the way you do. However, I'm rooting for this to be your fortunate miracle. Good luck.

tst1998 · August 2011

I can imagine how hard this must be for you given what you've been through before! I hate how IF takes the joy out of these things for us, but hopefully you will get to a point where you can be excited about this and this is the one that finally sticks for you!! Good luck.

Sassystace · August 2011

Congrats! I'd call your new doctor and let them know. They may want to put you on progesterone or at least test your levels since you have had previous losses. Hopefully this time everything will turn out differently. Good luck!

gundy21 · August 2011

Here's hoping this is your miracle. It is soooo understandable to feel the way you do!

Mrs.McIrish · August 2011

Oh Sara!! I hope this one is your sticky baby!!! I'm sending you the best vibes ever. I'm tearing up reading your post. Can you get a quick blood test for progesterone so you can get on support if you need it? I hope this is your miracle.

mkwt · August 2011

Oh Sweetie, I know exactly how you feel. It was soooooo hard for me to get excited with my BFP. I do believe that this is the month for miracles on this board, I am living proof of that. I hope and pray that this your take home baby. I also agree that maybe you should call the doc and see what/if anything they can do for you. Good Luck!

GracieBlue · August 2011

Hope for the best, prepare for the worst. Your feelings on this seem about as normal as can be considering! I hope all ends up going well and you get your miracle!!!

solarflare · August 2011

I totally understand your hesitation to be excited, but I also will cross my fingers that this is the one baby that will stick around for you. Enough already! McIrish had a good point to quickly get your progesterone checked. Then at least you could make sure there is no problem there. Will be crossing everything for you...

UOduckBride2be · August 2011

Mrs.McIrish:
Oh Sara!! I hope this one is your sticky baby!!! I'm sending you the best vibes ever. I'm tearing up reading your post. Can you get a quick blood test for progesterone so you can get on support if you need it? I hope this is your miracle.

Thanks, yeah I'm going in for a draw today and they will check for progesterone, but I've been on it before at BFP and research suggests that progesterone only really helps if you are put on it right from ovulation...that doesn't mean I will not take it, just means that we will not be doing anything we haven't done before.

klm195 · August 2011

I can't say as I know how you feel because I've not been where you are. But I will say that I hope this is your month! I will send you all the sticky dust I can muster and hope that you are another one of the TTC over 35 miracle ladies and that this BFP is the one that ends with a healthy, happy baby.

Please let us know how you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you for this to turn out 100% better than your other BFP have in the past.

beccabrad · August 2011

I know you said you had been tested for everything, but did that include the MTHFR gene?

I really hope this is a sticky baby for you and you don't have to go through another loss again.

aurora1974 · August 2011

I think it's absolutely normal for you to feel this way. It took me a while to let myself get excited as I just kept waiting for something to go wrong. I will be praying and keeping fingers, toes and everything else crossed that this is your miracle take home baby. Truck loads of sticky vibes being sent your way. And,

Congratulations!!!!

SaintCity · August 2011

Praying for a positive outcome for you.

lmydogally · August 2011

I know you are scared to enjoy this moment, but I am very excited for you. Congrats girl, sending you tons of sticky vibes.

amandaleigh1 · August 2011

I can completely understand you pessimism for this BFP. I and the rest of us here will maintain the optimism for you. I know we are all really hoping this is the one for you.

justadogmommy · August 2011

I completely understand your feelings. I had 2 back to back m/c myself. I now have a sticky baby and am 15 weeks pregnant! keep your chin up. good luck today with labs and try to enjoy your first trimester.

sarah

Llamamama · August 2011

You have been thru so much! I am hoping and praying that this will be the miracle you deserve to have. Good Luck and keep us posted!

shyntrue · August 2011

((Hugs)) Sending a bunch of sticky dust your way.

hav2run · August 2011

Hugs. I am not sure I would know how to feel either. Very understandable. I would call the doc and let them know. Maybe there is a plan that he just did not discuss with you just yet? It stinks that cautious optimism is not even an option for you, and the joy of the BFP isn't as it should have been. I am wishing you the best, and sending prayers that this one is going to stay in there.

ELF4321 · August 2011

First, Congrats on your BFP --- that is step one in the battle, right? I'm sorry you can't feel excited or happy about it because of your history. I sincerely hope that this one "sticks" and you get to take a baby home with you in 8-ish more months. Sending many hugs, thoughts and prayers your way.

lindaeverly · August 2011

As everyone has said, it is totally normal to be scared & apprehensive after everything that you've been through. I think that MKWT is the miracle that we all needed to restore our hope that it is possible!!!!! Sending love, prayers & sticky vibes your way!

bridekimmie · August 2011

wow!!! Tears reading this. I can't imagine how you feel. But am hoping it is your "fortunate miracle". I am thinking of you and sending hugs and prayers.

happywifemomofone · August 2011

Congratulations! I'm sorry that you're not too excited due to your previous losses. Sucks that this whole journey can make us skeptical about even the most joyous occassions. I hope that this baby is your take home, and that you will be able to relax and enjoy this PG soon.