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Success after IF
schmoodle
member
Can't believe I'm saying this...
schmoodle
member
But I'm starting to wonder if I should just give up on BFing.
We got through low supply and I was ok with heavy supplementing. We got through weeks on the nipple shield and a terrible latch, and her falling asleep 30 seconds after latching for weeks thereafter.
But with her (somewhat improved but still present) feeding issues I am starting to wonder if it's more trouble than it's worth. I nurse her before each bottle. Sometimes she eats great, 7-10 minutes each side. Sometimes she nurses a few minutes on the first side and then just sits pursed lips and refuses to open her mouth on that side again or on the other. Then after nursing I give her the bottle and here's where it gets bad. Sometimes she'll eat an ounce or ounce and a half before fussing. Sometimes the second I put her in position for the bottle she gets hysterical. Sometimes it's as soon as the milk (formula or BM, doesn't matter) touches her lips she freaks. She was better (not 100% but imrpoved) for a bit and is now getting worse again.
So now I spend pretty much 99% of her awake time feeding her, or with her in the rock and play pumping (to maintain my supply) then she falls asleep and we start the cycle over an hour and a half to two hours later. Plus I have no idea how much she's actually eating because even when I do measure her before/after it's not super accurate since our scale only goes to 1/2 oz. and I can't do it at every feeding (but I do know based on the 1-2 times a day that I do weigh her that she isn't taking anywhere near enough for 1 oz. of supplementation following nursing to be sufficient). And if it does turn out to be a dairy issue, I understand it can take 4 weeks to get it out of my system (meaning at least 4 more weeks of this) whereas just switching to a special formula will be immediate. We're seeing the pedi tomorrow for her 2 month appt and I'll tell him she's worse again, but I'm guessing he'll just increase her prevacid. He said based on behavior/stool/etc. he wasn't thinking milk issues.
It's not like I can (or ever could) EBF anyways.
But I love the bonding, I love holding her and seeing her look up at me and knowing I'm giving her something only I can. And I love the immune benefits. And I'm terrified of losing the decreased SIDS risk of breastfed babies. And I hate thinking that she's getting less BM than Toodle did, I am already so sensitive to short-changing her as the second child.
Convince me to keep going please! Or tell me why it's ok not to.
*** It's funny because I'm fat ***
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Can't believe I'm saying this...
As an EFF mama (for obvious reasons), I'm here to tell you it's OK if you don't EBF her, or BF her. You've done an amazing job. You can still hold her and snuggle her while giving her a bottle. I still remember those days with DD (now it's racing through the house with a sippy cup). You can do all the other things to prevent SIDS, and keep her immunity up. DD was EFF and we never had an issue. The only way you'd short-change her would be if you ignored her or didn't feed her altogether.
Do what you need to do. If BFing is going to make you a happier mama, go for it. If going to EFF is going to make you a happier mama, no one in their right mind will judge you.
This is just my opinion but you need to do what makes you happy. I FF my first from the get go and I am happy to say he has only had one fever in his entire life. He really is healthy (knock on wood) so I wouldn't worry about the immunity as much. You can still cuddle during a bottle feed too and you will have more time to cuddle without tears. I truly believe that you need to do what is best for your family, you want to be able to remember the first few months with fondess and not struggles.
Whatever you decide will be okay. BF is great but it's a matter of what makes you and Boodle happy. There is no wrong decision. GL.
After 7 years trying to concieve, 3 failed IUIs and 2 failed IVFs, my third IVF was a success!
My Christmas baby turned into a turkey bird! Dillon Richard was born at 34 weeks, 5 days on November 28, 2009 after 10 weeks on bedrest for preeclampsia.
<a href="http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v705/arriinthere/PJ/?action=view
it's ok to move to formula. i tried to ebf DD and i lasted about 2 months. she was a terrible latcher, had bad reflux, and i literally cried every time she nursed. i was miserable and so was she. i had a lot of guilt when i switched to formula, but i know it was the right decision. i put her on similac sensitive and everything changed. i actually enjoyed our feeding sessions now. she took a bottle and didn't cry, and it was a quick process. like you with nursing, i was spending the whole day trying to feed her. she is now 9 months old and is a happy and thriving little girl...and so is her mama.
do what will make you and DD the happiest. she won't be shortchanged from any mommy bonding by being fed a bottle, i promise.
Our Thanksgiving Day baby 11/22/07
Pregnant with #2 with LPD, uterine polyp/hysteroscopy, DOR (AMH = 0.17), 2 c/ps
Our early Christmas present 12/9/10
Really, all of this. I tried with D. A myriad of problems coupled with PPD/PPA, I really had to make a judgement call as to what was best for all of us.
You are an amazing mom and you have tried to hard- please don't forget that!
I had to come sit on the laptop just to respond to your post from reading on my phone. You have to do whatever will make you and DD happy. If that ends up being quitting BFing, there is no shame in that whatsoever. There is nothing wrong with formula and not BFing. And, I am 99% positive that neither kid will care if they were BFed or not when they're older or for how long, etc. I doubt my brother even knows that he was formula fed while I was breastfed. The only reason I know it was because my mom was trying to tell me it was okay to quit when I was struggling so much.
Personally, I struggled with supply with Dylan, and he also had reflux and intolerances. I quit at 5 weeks. I cried daily about feeding him. I hated that I wasn't enjoying that time when I longed for him for so long and struggled so long for him. I thought I should be happy, and I wasn't, and it was almost all related to struggling to produce enough, struggling to pump enough, etc. I had thought he was BFing fine and then found out he was losing weight instead of gaining, so I was terrified of BFing after that not knowing if he was getting enough. With Braylon, I produced enough but he wouldn't latch on, had reflux, and possible intolerances too. I hated the pump so much. I wasn't depressed about it with Dylan but I just decided that it wasn't worth the effort of sitting there pumping instead of having that time with my boys and also cutting so much out of my diet. So, I quit at 5 weeks with him too. I promise you that I have amazing bonds with both of my boys. I look(ed) into their eyes during feeding and get to snuggle after. I absolutely wish that BFing would have worked out with both because I hear how amazing it is, but I don't regret anything. With that said, I never worried about BM and SIDS - I didn't even realize there was a connection, and I'm one with a video monitor and angelcare monitor, no blankets until older, etc.
Whatever you decide, you aren't doing a thing wrong. And, I'm so sorry to hear that she was doing better and is doing worse again. That is incredibly frustrating, I'm sure. I'm thinking about you guys as you figure out what works best for her.
BFP with no treatment!
"I have four children. Two are adopted. I forget which two. -Bob Constantine
"All for Love,' a Saviour prayed 'Abba Father have Your way. Though they know not what they do...Let the Cross draw men to You...."
My mom, brilliant woman that she is, has told me 2 things about feeding infants and they have stuck with me through 3 kids:
1. The only wrong thing to do is to NOT feed them.
So obviously you won't be stopping feeding her if you quit nursing.
However...
2. When you are done breastfeeding, you will KNOW it.
I was teetering back and forth between quitting nursing my twins around the 6 month mark, and she kept saying, Megan, I promise, when you are ready to stop, you'll know it. It won't be something you are unsure of. Sure enough, at 9 months, I was ready to quit. And quit I did, with no regrets.
It sounds to me like you aren't entirely sure you want to quit. But only you can decide that.
You are doing great, Schmoods.
Please know that you are not alone. It is OK to do what's best for you and the baby. I say this as much for you as for me as well.
This is where I am RIGHT NOW. We are struggling, and we've tried everything (syringe feeding, tube feeding, bottle, nipple shields). I could have written your post word for word. We are only three weeks in, so I'm going to give it a little more time, but in the end, I want to enjoy this little girl, and I don't want to see her miserable and frustrated every time we feed.
I have no left nipple which makes latching difficult even with the shield, and I had cysts removed from my breasts years ago, so supply is a problem as well due to damage from the surgery.
If we can't make a go of it, I've decided that I'll continue to pump as long as I can and give her as much as I can in a bottle. I did this with my boys (they were preemies) and at 6 years old now, they are perfect. In fact, they were hardly ever sick.
I have a great Lactation Consultant, and she said that this shouldn't be torture for either of us, and my crying everyday and her struggling is torture. She also said that if I can give her breast milk in a bottle, she still gets all the benefits. Of course, we miss out on the "breast experience", but my feedings where I do just the bottle are actually way more calm and loving between us then those that I try to have her at the breast.
In the end, you are an awesome mom. There is so much more to being a good mother than simply being a food supply!
I wish you all the best with your decision.
Thanks all - and just to clarify, I didn't mean to imply that EFF babies are less bonded to their mothers or less healthy, I am SO sorry if it came across that way. As both of my LOs get/got a significant proportion of their sustenance from formula/bottle I would hate to come across as implying it was a lesser option. BFing is just important to me for personal reasons (plus I'm Type A and HATE giving up, not to mention I never had to decide to stop with Toodle since he/my supply/thrush/bleeding/open wound nipples decided that for me - at 8.5 mos.).
Again, sorry if I made anyone feel badly, that was so not my intent. I agree that we are all doing the best we can!
I do not think you post came across that way at all- you were simply recounting your personal struggle and your feelings associated with it.
Good luck, hon.
I met with my lactation consultant at our home and we decided that I'd be an exclusive pumper. We had to supplement with formula in the beginning because my milk didn't come in quick enough, and that killed me. I felt like such a failure, but knew we had to do what was best for our LO's.
I also knew I had to do what was best for my sanity. I just felt like my LO's could sense my tension when I was BF and I didn't want them feeling my negativity.
I'm now on a schedule for pumping and it's working great for us! My schedule is as follows:
30 minutes between 6:00 and 8:00 a.m. 15-20 minutes between 11:00 a.m. and 1:00 p.m. 15-20 minutes between 4:00 and 6:00 p.m. 30 minutes between 9:00 and 11:00 p.m.
I average between 45-50 ounces of breastmilk per day.
Because our LO's eat 7 ounces per feeding now, there is no way that my breastmilk production can keep up. So, I supplement with formula still.
Their "daytime" bottles are 5 ounces breastmilk and 2 ounces formula each and their "bedtime" bottles are 2 ounces breastmilk and 5 ounces formula. So, for the majority of their bottles, they are getting breastmilk.
I'm a LOT happier with pumping and am very proud of myself for keeping it up. I beat myself up at first over using supplemented formula, but like I said, I had to do what was best for our LO's.
I'm sorry you are having a tough time sweetie, but know you are not alone and that we are here to help you! Do what is best for you and your family
ETA: My supply seemed to shoot up once I switched to exclusive pumping. I also still get to hold my LO's close when giving them their bottles. I look into their eyes and talk to them and kiss their foreheads...it's not the exact same as when I was breastfeeding, but it's still pretty dang good
Honestly, if it's making you sadder than it is happy; if it's making you more anxious than "fulfilled" (for lack of a better term), it is OK TO STOP. I breastfed for 14 months; pumped at work until Sam was 12 months and he had not a drop of solid food before 7 months. It was meaningful and wonderful and if I'm honest - it was more about what I wanted to do than anything. Sam was a good nurser and that made it easy for me. Had it been harder... I don't know if it would have been worth it.
I loved BFing. I feel passionate about BFing. But I also believe that BFing is often as much about moms as it is about babies.
I won't give you the whole "happy mom, happy baby" thing because sometimes that's not true. But I will tell you that you being rested and happy and in the moment is important for YOU, and Boodle will be fine either way.
I am a runner, knitter, scientist, DE-IVF veteran, and stage III colon cancer survivor.
This is exactly what I wanted to say.
You know me Schmoodle.
It sounds like no matter which way you feed her, she is upset, and LVB gave great advice. To me too, it doesn't sound like you are ready to quit. I know how hard supply issues can be, and you have fought harder than most would to be able to give your baby your breastmilk, and that is commendable. This is a tought spot, you're in, but in your heart, you want to BF, so as long as she is fighting both methods, I'll give you an attagirl, keep up the good work, give this BFing thing a little more time. You are doing great!
I haven't read the other responses...but this is coming from an EBFer...
OMG, Seriously, a happy mama is very important. If I were in your position, I'd quit long ago. You deserve a gold star for all the effort. I would have quit a long, long time ago.
I will just tell you what I *think* I would do if I were in your position (knowing full well I may feel differently if I actually was). I would quit pumping after every feeding, and just continue to breastfeed as long as I could/my supply would allow. Actually, I would probably pump after some sessions, but not all the time. That is just too much time for me, and I know I would feel overwhelmed/trapped by it. Especially with a toddler in the picture that also needs to be taken care of/entertained.
Of course it is OK not to keep going, but it's also ok to keep trying. How's that for a wishy washy answer?
I am also very stubborn so I get not wanting to "give up", but making the decision will probably be the hardest part. It should all get easier from that point.
Oh, and I'm also not taking into consideration the dairy issue. That might be the deciding factor for me to stop completely. I'm sorry that you have to deal with all these complications when you obviously want to breastfeed very badly. I just wish it was easier for you.
I'm sorry if my response made you think I was offended or thought you meant that EFF babies are less bonded, etc. I didn't think that at all! I just wanted to share my total experience through going from attempting to BF to EFF, including that side of things.
BFP with no treatment!
ditto ditto
I am so sorry you are having such a tough time. You know where I stand on bfding too,so I can't say it any better than the ladies above! It sounds to me you really aren't ready to quit and there is no guarantee lo will be better off with formula, so I would keep at it for some time. Still, no matter what, if you ARE ready to be done, than you are done and have done an amazing job already. Hugs mama!